Just in case you were wondering...yes I really am that neurotic

You know, here I am blogging under the title of, Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something, and it just occurred to me that I may not have explained to you readers in what ways I am actually neurotic.

What if you thought I was lying? You may think my title is a farce. I mean it's not. But how do you actually know that? I would hate for you to think that I was anything but extremely honest with you, especially since today is National Honesty Day (thanks Michael). God forbid you should think I was falsely advertising. The whole thought makes me shudder.

Although if you are regular readers, you might have already surmised through some of my posts, that yes this lady is indeed a touch crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

Now then, just to put you at ease, here are some (pretty embarrassing) ways in which I am truly a neurotic nut.

Enjoy.

13 Ways In Which I am Neurotic:

1. I hate, hate, hate, mayonnaise touching my skin. If I get it on me, even just a dab, I have to immediately wash it off. It completely grosses me out. To the point where I want to hurl. Incidentally, I love mayo on my sandwiches, and since I eat sandwiches most everyday for lunch, well that's a lot of hand washing. Btw I also hate the smell.



2. I once got sick from eating Jack in the Box monster tacos. For years I could not think of Jack in the Box, or even drive past the sign, without feeling like I was going throw up.



I'm just now able to go through the drive through and order my milkshakes. Thank goodness. Because Jack in the Box? Has The. Best. Milk shakes. Ever!

3. I have a deep irrational fear of spiders, ticks and snakes.



Ticks especially will reduce me to code red panic mode, and in one instance caused me to strip naked in the park after dark. Then the police came..

4. I am extremely afraid of heights. Just thinking of a ski lift, can induce a panic attack of epic proportions. This may have something to do with the fact that my parents almost dropped me from one of those ski lift type rides that take you across amusement parks.

The fact that I don't actually remember this incident, should have no bearing on whether or not I can blame my parents.

5. I hate the wooden stick/handle thing in popsicles and ice cream bars. If I taste that nasty woodiness, it's the equivalent of running fingernails down a chalkboard for me. Ick!



6. I detest elevators. Ever since I was about 6 years old, I've been afraid that I would get stuck in one. This has made for some very interesting and often embarrassing circumstances, such as missing job interviews and appointments.

On the plus side, I get loads of exercise walking up stairs. Which isn't a bad thing. Unless of course the place I need to be is on the fifteenth floor or something. Good exercise? Yes. But I just may be passed out when I reach my destination.

Just why don't hotels have rooms on the first and second floors anyway?

7. I do not like the sound of silence. I don't mean the song. That I like. No I mean real silence. For example when I sleep, I have to have a fan on, otherwise actual silence is way too noisy. Especially since I live in the woods, as there aren't any traffic sounds outside.

On the other hand any noise not drowned out by the fan, such as eating crunchy chips, has the potential to keep me awake. Strange but, oh so true.

This particular quirk I know I can blame on my parents. Since they raised me to sleep with fans ever since I can remember. Ok, to be honest (since it is National Honesty Day), part of it is my fault too. Thanks to too many loud concerts as a teenager, I have permanent ringing in my ears, which becomes annoyingly loud when it's quiet. Strange as this is, according to my doctor, my hearing is phenomenal. In a good way that is.

8. Food. I love my food and I am absolutely neurotic about eating good meals. Bad meals put me in a grumpy mood, but a good meal ... can totally make my day. Chocolate and ice cream also have the same effect.



9. TV shows. The same principal for food applies to TV shows as well. I can get spectacularly excited about the prospect of watching one of my favorites shows. It's pretty amazing. If I'm eating a delicious meal and watching a great show, say for example ... Mary Tyler Moore ... well just call me happy with a capital H! (Yes I'm easily amused).

However I can just as easily be upset if I settle in to watch a night of wonderful programming, and a baseball, football or any other sports game comes on instead. Blurg! What is the deal with that anyway? Isn't there a specific channel for sports?

10. I have a thing for condiments and sauces of all kinds. If one equals good, then more equals so much better.



Good spaghetti for me is a handful of noodles swimming in an ocean of sauce, topped by a mountain of cheese. Yum! I order extra sauce with all my pasta's at restaurants, because the kitchen staff are just waaaaayy too stingy for my taste.

As a side note. I do not appreciate the Sauce Nazi that is now stationed at the Mongolian BBQ place in the mall. What is the deal with only doling out one scoop per sauce? Hello! I want me some flavor on my noodles!

I don't think this addition was because of my overly saucy ways. Honest!

When I have fries I usually have a variety of dipping sauces on the side. In restaurants, I have been known to ask the waiter to bring out one of each kind of sauce they had (for my fries). However, I quickly put a stop to this practice when I made this request at Chili's one night. The waiter informed me they had something like 47 different kinds, and that no he would not bring them all out for me to sample. Party pooper!

10. I can't relax properly unless the house is clean. It doesn't have to be spotless or sterile. Just picked up a bit. I try to keep the house clean and organized. However with my husband who always has multiple projects going on, this isn't always possible.

To my husband: When the house looks like a tornado went off in Home Depot ,that is not my idea of relaxing clean. I would appreciate it if you would at least pick out a place among the rubbish for me to sit. Thanks!

11. Christopher Walken scares the beejesus out of me. The man is downright spooky. His eyes, voice and mannerisms ... well everything is creepy.



Tell me, does that face not freak you out? Look at those eyes! Ack!

12. I sleep with Jesus. Well a Jesus night light that is. Not that I'm afraid of the dark or anything. HONEST!



This was actually my husband's light before we even met. I haven't asked him why someone who isn't particularly religious owns a Jesus night light, because I figure hey, to each his own right? Anyway it's fun to ask my husband 'if he turned Jesus on' before going to bed. Oh wait. Does this mean I'm going hell?


And last but certainly not least:


13. I can't eat scrambled eggs without ketchup.



I guess technically that would be part of my condiment fetish in number 10, but since ketchup and eggs is a special kind of weird all on it's own, I felt it deserved a separate category.

Or am I just being neurotic?

April showers bring...

Wow. After a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Well dark, because the lights go out over here, with every gust of wind, and or wayward driver that happens to take a corner too fast and slam into either a telephone poll or a tree, thereby causing me to effectively loose track of the point I was trying to make.

Oh right.

The lights go out. A lot.

I probably should have just said that, instead of wasting all that time, explaining why they go out. But never mind what's done is done.

Anyway back to what I was really trying to say. That is, after a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Boy was it stormy. Honest to goodness. This year we had some of the worst storms I've ever seen. Keep in mind too, that I lived through one of Georgia's worst ever hurricane seasons back in 1996. Or was it 1997?

Seriously, I couldn't believe all the damage done in our mountains from winds and falling trees, and of course a boatload of rain.

Houses were smashed, rivers ran high, the streets were flooded, mudslides closed the roads, waterfalls appeared out of the blue, cascading down the mountainsides every where you turned.

Actually the waterfalls were quite cool. I love waterfalls, and to see so many of them in my neighborhood ... well I just wish I had the foresight to take a picture, because if I had done that, then I could actually be sharing those with you, instead of trying to describe the scene. Because obviously, I'm really not doing it justice. Show not tell right?

Let's just say our neighborhood looked something like this ...



Really cool huh?

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, back to the point.

After a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Do you ever find that spelling the word particularly is a particular challenge? I mean I always want to add an E in there somewhere. You know, between the L and Y? Does this happen to you too?

No? Oh. Right. Must just be me.

Alrighty then, off we go.

Now, after a particularly dark and stormy winter ...

Ah hell. What the heck was I going to say anyway? I totally forgot, what with all the craziness in my brain. It feels like my mind is making endless left and right turns without signaling properly.

I'm easily distracted today. This may in part be due to the painkillers I'm on for my back. I'm feeling kinda loopy. Not to be confused with groovy, because I definitely don't feel that today.

Though come to think of it, I'm pretty loopy and easily distracted most everyday, so I really don't have a good excuse.

I really was going somewhere with this post. Honest.

Let's try it again. After a particularly dark and stormy winter, it is with much happiness that I welcome the current spring weather.

Ahhh! I did it. I was going to talk about spring and the nice warm weather we are having.

You know, because I lack anything more interesting to talk about than the current trend in warm weather. Well, besides the Omaha Steak incident, but that's to be revealed in an upcoming post. So I won't go into it now. Stay tuned folks!

Anyhoo, since I've already come this far, I shall continue valiantly until the very end (however painful as that may be). Which could actually be now, since I am in control of everything I write, and could at any moment choose to end this post.

Right this very minute.

Like now.

Right after this last word ...






Ah shucks. I can't leave you hanging like that. That wouldn't be Kosher. Okay, what I'll do for you, if you are still reading this mess, is list the ways to tell if spring is really here.

Ready?

You know Spring is Here When ...
1. The mosquitoes return. In droves. Haunting you morning and night every time you walk out your door. Heaven forbid you should actually leave the door open to get some fresh air. If by chance you accidentally leave the door open a crack, or you simply forget to shut it while taking a nap (as I did yesterday), the whole mosquito navy will descend upon your stupidity/forgetfulness, and zoom straight inside uninvited. Thus neatly raising your chances of catching West Nile in our own home.

2. The bees are back. Everywhere. Ensuring the risk of being stung while taking out the trash, and or enjoying other outdoor activities. They are also another potential bug hazard when you leave your door open. As much as cats like to chase bugs and eat them.. understandably, this does not apply to bees. If you are like me, there will be no peace until those flying stingers are gone.

3. The raccoons take to washing their food in your pool at night, using the pool filter as a strainer.

4. The banana slugs are gone.

5. When BBQing the raccoons wait for leftovers under the deck, and insist on growling at you every time you walk over them.

6. It's warm outside. But not so hot that simply walking down the road to the mailbox will bring on a bout of heat stroke.

7. It's warm enough that you can use the pool on some days.

8. You don't want to spend time outside during certain hours because of the large bug population.
9. The birds are eating from their feeders again.

And ... The number one bestest reason you know it is spring?

10. After taking a shower, it's warm enough to go outside on the balcony and dry off in the sun!

Ahh, the joys of Spring!

Now Summer...

My First Time... Part 3. The finale.

Here it is. The grand Finale.

So where did I leave us? Oh yes, we had just found a trail that led us in a circle and it was getting late. Close to the car (we think) but we still needed to get over a mountain.

Okay, here we go. After going around in a circle, we searched high and low for the rest of the trail, but for the life of us, couldn't find one in the immediate vicinity.

There was a dirt trail however, going straight up the mountain next to us. It was a little off the beaten path, but it seemed like the right way to go. Which was up.

In our wisdom, we decided to cross over through the manzanita bushes towards the dirt path. A half hour or so later, we finally reach it said dirt path.

There was one slight hitch. It was not a freakin trail. Still we decided to give it a go. Really at this point we had no choice. Oh sure, we could have stayed put and tried to get out a better way the next day. However camping wasn't an ideal option. We had no food, and hardly any water, so to try to hike around all the next day, in the heat didn't sound all that wise. Plus I still wasn't feeling all that well.

Without any other appealing options, we start climbing the sand trail straight up the mountain. We had about an hour left before dark, and from the bottom, it honestly didn't look that far to climb.

Okay seriously? The sand? Was next to impossible to climb, especially with backpacking gear. Every step you took you ended up slipping backwards about 2 feet.

Also, the mountain was densely populated with manzanita bushes. I used to like those bushes. Did you know they have very sharp branches when you walk through them?

Yeah. I didn't either.

It looked something like this...



But with a lot more bushes.

So here we are with an hour to climb the Matterhorn, slipping backwards every 2 feet in the sand, and trying to wend our way through a forest of evil bushes. This was seriously setting us back.

I'll be honest here, and say that more than once I suggested dumping our backpacks and making the best run we could for the top. We had one of those little maglight flashlights with us, so I figured if we could just get rid of the weight, we could book it to the top and hopefully find a trail, using our flashlights to guide us back to the car.

For some reason, my dear old husband did not care for this idea. I can't understand why. But since he refused, guess what? He got to carry my backpack.

Heh.

Meanwhile in true Indiana Jones fashion (I only wish I had a machete), I charged through the manzanita as fast as I could, disregarding the fact that my legs were being shredded with step.
Hubby however was more cautious with his appendages, and like a snail, slowly made his way up.

Sadly we weren't making very good progress. Almost an hour had passed and though it seemed like we had climbed for miles, the top was still very much elusive. Plenty of times we thought we were reaching the top, only to find a vast expanse of mountain appear out of nowhere.

Unbelievably, we still had about 3/4 of the mountain to go.

The time? Five til 9:00. It's almost dark, and we are trying to wade through manzanita as tall as we are. What happened to the short bushes? All of a sudden they sprang up into veritable trees. Which would have been fine, had they been spaced out, but the whole mountain was packed with manzanita side to side.

Right at this point, my husband tells me, he lost one of the water bottles. Perfect. Now we had exactly half a liter for the two of us.

Strangely enough I did not panic. I mean what can you do in these circumstances? We weren't going to make it. It was final. We had to make the best of our situation, sorry as it was.

Anyway two good things did happen. 1, we had just passed a semi flat space barley big enough to set up our tent. And 2, I had full cell phone reception! Don't think I wasn't this close to calling a rescue team to come get us.

I could wave them down with our flashlight, and we would be helicoptered out and saved. Although I don't like the idea of flying in a helicopter, and just how would we get in it? They certainly couldn't land anywhere. They would have to ...

Anyhoo, hubby didn't seem to think that was necessary, so camping it was.

We turned around and made our way back. We had to climb over a fallen tree, so I grabbed one of the branches to help me over. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, the branch snapped like the twig it wasn't and off I went tumbling down the hill.

Just in case you are wondering, I did not roll all the way down. I was thankfully, stopped a short distance away by my manzanita friends. Except for a few bruises and some more scratches to add to my collection, I wasn't seriously hurt.

In the dark, we set up our tent, and since we had no water, or food for dinner, we went straight to bed.

Unfortunately neither of us had really eaten that day, and because of the hot weather and exercise we were very dehydrated. Even though I wasn't actually panicked, I was very concerned that once we made it to the top, we still wouldn't find the right trail, and would be forced to wander around all day, with no food or water. I will admit, that I seriously considered drinking my urine. Totally gross I know, but I was in survival mode now. If we had come across a creek, I would have taken my chances with the giardia and e coli too.

Needless to say, my dizziness and rumbling stomach kept me from actually falling asleep. Which turned out to be a very good thing.

At about 11:30, something very large and probably carnivorous, started to make it way towards our tent.

Okay now it's time to panic!!

Much to my surprise, my first thought was not, "How are we going to escape"? No, it was more along the lines of, "Are you effing kidding me? After everything we had been through on this trip, this is how it ends? We are going to be dinner? Unbelievable".

My husband, who will forever be known as 'my hero', managed to make enough barking sounds to scare off whatever it was.

Do I need to mention that both of us were on high alert, awaiting future visits from it's friends and relatives?

We did not sleep at all.

At exactly 5:00, we packed up and hiked the rest of the way. Fortunately after awhile the manzanita cleared out and gave way to a real forest, with lots of room to walk in between the big pretty trees.

I did see one thing that I didn't like however, and that was mountain lion tracks. Quite close to where we camped actually.

Yeah. I think we got lucky.

It only took about 30 minutes to get to the top. And after a few false attempts, we actually find a large maintained trail. (Cue the hallelujah chorus). I nearly wept with happiness.

Especially when the trail turned out to be the one that actually led to the car!

We hightailed it back, and reached the car in record time. By this time I was shaking so hard from a combination of hunger, exhaustion, dehydration, and whatever happened to ail me the previous day. I practically collapsed into the car seat, and grabbed the nearest water bottle for life support.

Next stop? A ginormous breakfast at Carrows!

And you know what? I didn't care that I hadn't showered in 3 days, was covered in filth, that my legs were scratched up from stem to stern in a very unsightly fashion, complete with dripping blood, and that I smelled like a porta potty. We were safe, breakfast was on it's way, and we weren't headed for divorce court.

Yee Ha!

Okay next time? I'm going car camping. I hear Yosemite Valley is nice this time of year ...

Though last time, I didn't care for the nightly bear visits, which led me to lock myself in the men's room ... But that's another story...

My First Time...Part 2

Well last I left off, we were trying to beat the dark, and make it to Azure Lake to camp, which was still some 4 miles away.



Now before I go any further, I should probably point out that my husband and his family have backpacked several times in this area. However, it was mostly when they were kids. Never the less, they all had an idea of where we were going. The only problem was, everyone's ideas were different, which led to quite a bit of confusion.

In the beginning we followed the main trail up the mountain for a quite a ways, and just as we got to the top, the trail split off into about 3 different routes. A couple on the right,and one straight ahead. However the trail we wanted should be going to the left, in the direction of the lake. Or at least where his family remembered the lake being.

From the top of our lookout we could indeed see a couple of lakes in the correct direction. However, it should be noted that the area of Desolation Wilderness has about 100 lakes. So I wasn't terribly confident of making it to the right one.

To be honest it didn't really matter to me. Any lake would do. Heck the first one we stopped at was an excellent choice I thought. Even if it was a bit windy, and all the day hikers would crowd the place up come morning. At least we knew where it was.

It wasn't until after several discussions and the trying of different trails, that we finally settled on the obvious solution. Make our own. We could see the lake right? If we just head down the mountain straight for it, we are bound to reach it eventually.

So all 12 of us troop down the side of the mountain, which was full of bushes and twigs and rocks, thorny things, and all kinds of bric a brac to stumble upon. There were a few nasty falls involving errant logs, but nothing too major, so we were able to carry on just fine. Although how you can "trip" over a log that comes up to your waist, is ... well ... honestly? It was damn funny. Once my sister in law said she fine of course.

Some of the younger kids though could not climb down the mountain and carry their backpacks at the same time, as it required some careful balancing acts. So of few of us took turns carrying their stuff. This of course meant that that we were overloaded, and were walking in a sort of stooped over fashion, like a gang of hunchbacks. I guess we made quite a site. To be honest, I'm not sure we needed 3 pounds of carrots, nor the jars of spaghetti sauce, or ... well, quite of lot of things actually. We were only staying two nights.

Eventually we reached the bottom of the mountain, which opened up to a kind of meadow/swamp area with about 27 billion mosquitoes zooming in like fighter jets ready to attack. No amount of DEET kept those buggers away. I drowned myself in the stuff, and still came away with something like 20 bites.

We tried out various trails, but eventually ended up back in the mosquito swamp when those didn't work out. As indecisive as we were, we couldn't wait too long as it was getting dark, and we were fed up with the damn mosquitoes.

The best thing we decided, as time was not on our side, was to make yet another trail of our own. This way we could just blaze directly to the lake, instead of meandering along and following trails that led the wrong way.

Right about this time, we noticed something important. My brother in law and the dog were missing. Instead of being concerned and looking for him though, we just kept going, pretty much figuring that he would find his way to the lake eventually.

Luis and Clark, we weren't, but we did manage to finally fumble our way to the lake, and yes it was the right one, about an hour later. It was pretty much dark by this time, but the moon above allowed us to see enough that we could make our way across the rocks along the shore.

As we were stumbling around trying to find a flat area, lo and behold my brother in law shows up with dog in tow. I guess he really did know where he was going after all. Not sure what exactly he did to get himself detached from the group, but oh well, he was back and that was good.

Eventually we found a place with a couple of big boulders that were flat enough on top so that we would be able to set up our tents. It wasn't ideal, but as it was approaching 10:00 at night, we really didn't care. Tomorrow we would move to a new spot. For now this was home.

We unpacked, set up the tents, and finally started to get ready to prepare dinner. As I stated before, we were in charge of the meat, and brought several frozen steaks. Considering we had packed early this morning before we left home, it was safe to say the steaks were um ... defrosted.

Oh my god, what a mess! Not only did they defrost, but the air tight packaging they were in, totally exploded due to the altitude change. Blood and juice were soaked all over every article of clothing my husband had brought. He wasn't too thrilled about having to wash all his clothes in the lake that night that's for sure.

Despite this tragedy, we had a lovely steak dinner, and seeing as it was almost midnight, went straight to bed.

I'll I can say is thank goodness bears weren't an issue. Besides the steak scented clothes, the amount of food we had stashed behind some rocks, a little ways from the tents, could have filled a grocery store. Had any creatures come to visit that night, they would have had a gourmet feast for sure. As it turned out the dog got loose in the night, and found the food, but he was quickly captured and only made away with a few Oreos.

Now, this is where things start to go bad.

The next morning I wake up early, needing to use the restroom. Well of course there are no bathrooms, so I make due the old fashioned way. Business concluded, I head back up the hill towards our tent. For some reason, I'm a feeling a bit winded, but I attribute that to being exhausted from the day before, and the high altitude change.

As I settle back into the tent, to catch a few more zzzz's, I feel a distinct rumbling in my stomach region. I try to ignore it, but it's no good. Minutes later I have to use the bathroom again, only this time it isn't the find a bush at your convenience kind. No it's grab the shovel, and dig a hole real quick I gotta go now! Kind. Ugh. Much to my dismay this continued all morning. The good news is, I probably fertilized enough land to grow crops, or at least 12 more trees. Big ones.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I was also feeling faint, weak, and somewhat nauseas too. I needed to eat, but I just couldn't stomach food.

It took about 3 miserable hours for me to be able to eat enough crackers so I didn't feel sick to my stomach anymore. I was still very weak and running to the bathroom every few minutes, so I couldn't enjoy all the fun activities everyone else was doing. Which was an enormous bummer.

I didn't know what the hell was going on with me, but I assure you, I did not want it to be happening in the middle of nowhere, with no proper bathrooms. Maybe that makes me wimpy, but god I felt like hell, and just wanted to go home.

As a result, my husband and I decided to leave that day. However, by the time we made the decision it was late afternoon, and as it was a hot day, we decided to take our time gathering our stuff, figuring even if we left around 5 we would have enough time to get to the car before dark.

Naturally I assumed we would go back the way we came. Even though we off roaded it at the end, I have a pretty good sense of direction, so I was confident that I could get us to the main trail no problem. Once on the main trail, it was all downhill, and we would be able to make it to the car pretty quickly.

My husband had other ideas. He thought it would be best to go back a different way, that presumably would be less hiking uphill. So, following some very sketchy directions from a couple of day hikers that had come out to the lake, we took off.

For anyone who isn't familiar with Desolation Wilderness, first it is absolutely stunning. Lest you get the wrong impression, had I not felt like poop, I would have loved this experience.



However, most of the trails I learned are unmaintained and there are a lot of areas of just granite slabs and boulders. The only way to know you are on the right path is to follow the stacked rocks, that hikers leave behind to indicate a trail.

The "trail" we decided to take back, was mostly unmaintained, and along enormous granite slabs. The beloved stacked rocks that I quickly learned to cherish, were few and far between. Plenty of times we would follow what we thought was the right path only to realize we had veered off in the wrong direction, and had to turn around and start over again. Obviously this wasted a lot of time. And as the minutes ticked away, I was starting to get a tad nervous about finding the car before dark.

We did have a map, and according to that, we were only about a mile or so from the car. Mind you I'm taking directions from a man who gets lost in a mall, and after so many false starts, I must admit my confidence was wavering just a bit.

Finally, we find an honest to goodness dirt trail, and happily follow it for quite a ways to ...

Absolutely nothing.

WTF? How on earth can a trail just stop? Why is it even there in the first place? It must have served a purpose. What the heck?

Eventually we noticed a bit of a "path" winding between some rocks going up the mountain, which seemed good, as we knew we had to cross over that mountain somehow to get to the car.

This so called path was about as wide as a pencil, and not only that it wound it's way up the mountain in such a fashion that you had to edge extra carefully along the cliff, which was extremely high up. If you slipped ... well you wouldn't have to worry about making it to the car before dark that's for sure. I'm sweating just writing this bit, it was that scary.

I'm pretty sure I had a mini heart attack right then, but I braved it out, by throwing down my pack for my husband to carry,(I know aren't I nice?) and walk/run as fast as I dared over the cliff edge, and on onto a more stable surface. Normally I wouldn't even attempt such a thing, given that my fear of heights is so extreme, but the way I figured it, this was my only way home.
I just wish that logic were true, so I could say the panic attack I had wasn't wasted. As it turned out that path led us in a complete circle. Arrrgh!

It's now an hour and half before dark, and we are completely clueless as to what to do next. There are no trails leading anywhere and it's too late to turn back around and start over. Oh and did I mention that we didn't bring food or any extra water, since we thought we would be driving away by now and therefore not need it? Panic was definitely setting in..

I didn't realize I was such a glutton...

I saw this little test on some quiz site place, and since I'm a sucker for tests, I just couldn't pass it up.

Obviously I knew I was sinner, duh! But frankly the results were a little surprising, take a look...

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80% Sloth: 80% Envy: 40% Greed: 40% Wrath: 20 Lust: 0% Pride: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 37% You'll die choking on a cookie in bed.

How Sinful Are You?

So a 37% chance of going to hell huh?



I would have expected it to be quite higher actually. More like 73%. Or was that 93%?

Well anyway, I have a few things to say about this here quiz.

First of all, 0% lust?? WTF? I am here to say that is positively not true. I mean come on. I'm not dead, nor am I a nun.


Although, I bet they lust after...Oh wait never mind.

Now, I have to say I am just a little offended at this. Is this supposed lack of lust because I said I was feeling lazy and not sexy when I took the test?

Or maybe because I put that I dream of banana splits?

Well honestly you can't give me the choice of being lazy and having a banana split. Of course I'm going to pick those! Every time!

Now on to the subject of Pride. Hmmm... have to admit I was a little surprised at this one too. I mean I should have some pride in me. Somewhere. Don't I? Even just a small percentage?

I know I have some Pride actually, because I have a picture of it hanging out with it's not sinning buddy Joy. See..



So that's obviously a lie.

Moving on.

Now apparently I'm just a bit gluttonous and lazy. Seeing as they both tied at 80%! Good grief. I had no idea I was such a pig.



However it may have just a tiny bit of truth to it. I love me some good eats! That's for sure. And I have to admit that as I'm writing, I'm thinking of the chocolate pudding I'm going to have just as soon as I'm through with this post.

I may also on occasion spend just a bit too much time on the computer doing all the things that bloggers do. Plus I have been known back in the day, to park it in front of the T.V. for a few hours. Or read a book for a whole day.

So yeah I guess I do have sloth like and piggish tendencies. I can't really deny that.



I'm just a little confused by wrath though. I really didn't think I had any. The Wrath of Michele? That just doesn't sound right.

I think the numbers with lust and pride must have gotten mixed up with wrath. I am in no way a wrathful person. I don't think.
I do complain about the crazies a lot, but I don't wish them any harm. Just want them to get off the phones and stop bugging me, that's all. Honest!

Now greed and envy also tied at 40% which I find weird. Okay, envy sure I'll agree with that, I mean who isn't a little bit envious over something? Though 40% does seem a little high.

As for greed? I really am shocked that I scored so high on that. I'm really trying to figure out in what way I could possibly be greedy, and I can't think of any. But just in case let's look at a definition shall we?

Greed: excessive desire to acquire or possess more (especially more material wealth) than one needs or deserves.


You see! I knew I wasn't greedy. For one, I don't have enough money, which means I don't shop for things other than groceries. However, I can get quite worked up about buying Wheat Thins, in fact I bought four boxes just this past week.

Well anyway, I know I'm not greedy because ... Though come to think of it, I did choose to get a brand new laptop for my birthday instead of rescuing a dog...



You know what's the worst bit though? Besides finding out that I'm a greedy, gluttonous, lazy pig, with a hint of wrath, and no lust?

Knowing that I'm going to die choking on a cookie in bed.



I thought I was just going to find out what my sins were. I did think I would find out how I was going to kick the bucket. That's a little too much information. Not to mention spooky.

Now I'm scared to eat cookies in bed. I never thought I'd go that way to be honest. I thought it would be something more exotic and exciting. I hope they are chocolate chip cookies at least.

Hey! If I never eat cookies in bed again, does this mean I will live forever?

My First Time...Part 1

He-He.

Did I capture your attention?

Well sorry to tell you this post isn't about That first time. Trust me that story isn't worth repeating. This post is actually about the first (and if I have my way the last) time I went backpacking.

Just in the off chance you have stumbled upon another blog of mine, yes this is sort of a re-post. However, I'm fairly certain, as no one reads the other one, that you all haven't seen this yet. I hope.

Anyhoo, the whole mess started last July. Every year it is a family tradition of my in-laws to gather up the family and take a backpacking trip right after July 4th.

Now over the years, I have heard many adventures of my in-laws going on trips and all of them involved some sort of catastrophe. Think the Vacation movies.



Broken legs, getting lost in blizzards, food poisoning etc. Needless to say I was just a touch apprehensive about this trip.

Just a touch.

Our destination was Desolation Wilderness up near Tahoe. Just the name alone, should have had huge red flags waving in my face, telling me to stay far far away.



Besides going camping with the Marx Brothers,



I had a few other reservations about this trip.

It's no secret that I'm not entirely in shape, so I was somewhat concerned about my ability to endure a long hike. Oh don't get me wrong I hike. Plenty. It's just that I don't usually do 7 miles in one day. Especially when the bulk of it is uphill. Not my strong point.

Plus I would have to carry a 30 pound pack on my back. Are you kidding me? When I tried it on in REI, I actually fell over. It was a bit embarrassing, especially since the sales lady made me march around the store and up and down the stairs for like 30 minutes, before she would let me choose a pack.

Well the day finally arrived. We had 12 of us plus one dog in our party. Now the plan was, that we all would leave early in the morning, and meet up at Camping World so we could caravan the rest of the way. If we left early enough we would easily make the 4 hour drive and have plenty of time to hike to camp before dark.

Heh.

The first problem with this is my brother in law and my husband, do not do early mornings. I'm talking rolling out of bed at 10:00 is considered the crack of dawn. To ask them to get up and on the road by 6:30 in the morning is really stretching it.

So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that we left at 9:00 and not 6:30. In our haste to catch up with the rest, naturally we got a speeding ticket.



Btw we have gotten speeding tickets for every family vacation, we have attended. Do you think we should leave earlier?

Finally we get to our meeting point and when I step out of the car, I'm hit with the hottest blast of air we've had all year.

Good god in heaven it was 108 degrees outside!! I'm not lying. If you've read my hang gliding post, you are painfully aware that I'm not one to embrace the heat.

All I could imagine was trying to hike to the camp in this weather. I was practically melting just going from the car to the restrooms. On flat land. Ugh.

Initially once we met up with everyone, we were planning to take off for Tahoe right away. It didn't quite work out that way. For one my brother in law didn't do the shopping for food before hand like he was supposed to do.

See the thing is, in order to avoid this very scenario, the night before we had sat down and given tasks to everyone. This was to make sure we brought everything we needed, and to establish that we would be able to leave the next morning hassle free thus ensuring a speedy arrival at camp. Our job was to bring the meat.



So we did. We brought several pounds of frozen steaks.

Frozen. In my husbands backpack. With his clothes. In the heat. Just save that thought for a minute won't you..

I'm not going to bore you with all the minor details of every stop we made, but it is safe to say we didn't arrive early like we planned.

In fact it was quite late. Like 4:30. And we had a 5-6 hour hike ahead of us before it got dark. At 9:00.

Once we had parked our cars in the designated area, I naturally assumed we would take off right away.

Riiiight.

Now, my husband and I actually packed all of our things into our bags before we left. I wish I could say the same for his brothers and sisters. I guess they were in a hurry too that morning, because they had decided to throw everything into the car loose, and then dump it on the ground in one great pile by their cars.

It took at least an hour to get everything sorted out and shoved into the packs. Eventually little groups of 2 or 3 would make their way up the trail to get a head start.

The plus to leaving so late however, was that it had actually cooled off to a reasonable temperature. Thank goodness. And after loading up our packs with some stray items including a very heavy bear can filled with food, my husband and I finally left in the 2nd to last group.

The first bit, was switchbacks straight up the mountain. Something pretty close to this...



I of course had to take a breather after every switch. I learned very quickly the art of resting on a rock or log, so that it will lift your pack up and give you some relief.

After about a half hour, my husband suddenly remembered he forgot the camera. Since he was a triathlete years ago, I saw no problem in suggesting that he be the one to run back to the car to fetch it, while I took a much needed break. Being the sport he is, he did just that. Ran. All the way down, and all the way back up and was back to collect me in 15 minutes. Show off.

Fast forward an hour and we have all met up at the first lake. Since it was getting late and we had little kids with us, someone suggested we stay there for the night and hike the rest of the way in the morning.

Splendid idea!! I was just rooting around for a good flat place to put up the tent, when my husband of all people started to whine about wanting to go to the other lake still some miles away. A few other people chimed in and to my horror it was decided we were going to make a run for it. This did not seem like a smart idea to me, but I wasn't about to be a spoilsport.

Good grief I've written quiet a bit haven't I? Well I'll leave you here to ponder about whether or not we will:

Get lost,
Loose some family members,
Make it camp before dark,

and ...

What's behind the story of the bloody backpack....

I think I may have pissed off Peter Tork, and possibly Micky Dolenz

And let me tell you why.

When I was a just a wee little dork at age 9, my best friend Shelly and I were totally and completely in love with The Monkees.



I'm talking borderline obsession. I had every item of paraphernalia money could buy, and my room was literally wallpapered in their posters.




I watched the shows, bought every record they had, and knew all the songs by heart.

For the record I have to place blame on my elementary school for this. If we hadn't been forced to watch the tv shows before school started, I may never have been introduced to their wacky world.

To my parents, Yes this is what my private school tuition paid for. By the way, we also watched the Jetsons.

Anyhoo,

One day the big news came. The Monkees would be preforming in concert in my hometown. Oh joyous day!! Naturally Shelly and I got tickets and somehow convinced one of our parents (not sure who) to tote us to the concert.




We had a fabulous time, I'm sure. For some reason I cannot remember the actual concert as the events of the next day, must have overshadowed them.

Afterwards, my little brain got to thinking. If the Monkees played at our arena then surely they must be staying at the nearby hotel yes? So the next day, Shelly and I again convinced one of our parents (again can't remember who) to take us to the hotel.

Outfitted in the very height of fashion we were wearing the requisite Davy Jones tee shirts, and carrying one of the many books we had on them for autograph purposes.

As we walked down some hall of the hotel, a worker passed by and commented that "he's out by the pool." By he we assumed he meant Davy, since his face was plastered across our chests.

Sure enough we walk out to the pool and there he is sunbathing. I have to say, my life was absolutely complete at that moment in time. No doubt about it.


As we nervously approached our idol, he looked up from his book. Our eyes met, a slow smile spread across his face and he said....

Hmm. I don't really remember come to think of it, but it was something along the lines of "nice shirts".



Anyway he was very lovely and signed our books and off we went in search of our next conquest.

As it happened it was Peter Tork who we caught at the elevator bank carrying his laundry.



Of course we had camped out on the floor knowing that at some point one of them would come walking by. I mean they had to go to and from their rooms didn't they? By this time we had accumulated a little crowd of groupies, and as Peter came walking along, some brainiac yelled "There's Peter Tork!" Like Duh!

Peter of course looked astonished and shouted "Where?" while looking around for himself.

OH Peter you are such a character! He-He.

Hey, to a nine year old little dork that was extremely funny at the time.

Anyway we got our autographs and off we went on our merry way to find Mickey.



Now, Micky on the other hand, was way more elusive than his pals.

Lucy Ricardo I am not, and even though we actually found out the room he was staying in and knocked on the door to see him, I never managed a way to finagle myself into the room when the housekeeper answered. Perhaps I should have dressed up as a bellboy? That's what Lucy would have done huh? Damn!

Back downstairs we went to the arcade for some reason, and found Mr. Tork playing a game. Now just because he had given me his autograph moments before, this did not mean we were instant friends.

Looking back, perhaps it wasn't the best idea to go charging over to him, like a stampeding elephant, and lean half my body over the video game screen and shout" hi!" in his face.

It wasn't until I saw the flicker of annoyance pass his face, that I realized my mistake. Yes I made him loose the game.

Ah well, live and learn. Sorry Peter!

Since Micky's housekeeper wouldn't let us in the room, the damn b%$#@, I had to resort to more drastic measures.

Stalking.

That's right, word made it's way to my little ears, that he would be appearing at a local radio station. And by local I mean, oh 2 minutes from my house. I know! Way cool.

Naturally I camped out in the parking lot waiting for his arrival. Finally an inconspicuous white van drives up and there he is getting out of the car. I immediately ambushed him, and asked for his autograph. This time he signed my shirt which I still have by the way! I also got a picture of us. Which is something I had failed to do with Peter and Davy. Idiot!

After the show, Micky decided to walk about town. What did I do? Followed him of course. Everywhere. Like a dog on a leash.

He eventually caught on, and did his best to loose me.



Which he did, after awhile, but I'm pretty sure I irritated the crap out of him, with my clingy ways. After all he was with his family, trying to enjoy some peace and quiet I'm sure.

Sorry Micky!

The funny thing is I actually met Micky twice, but for the life of me I can't remember where the second time was.

Sadly the only Monkee I never met was Mike.



Which is a damn shame, since I always thought he was cool. But you know he has this hangup with being associated with the group. Oh well.

Now the unfortunate thing is, is the book that has all their autographs in it, has some somehow gotten lost over the years. I know! I can't believe it!

Perhaps one of you kind readers will come across it someday? Maybe up for auction on ebay? If by some crazy chance you do find it, let me know. It looks exactly like this..



As a reward, I will send you an original Monkee album of your choice!

Anyway, you'll know the book is mine, because Davy Jones poked a hole through the first page while trying to sign his name.

How Danny Thomas Almost Killed Me ...

Well OK, it wasn't actually the actor, but the Danny Thomas party rental truck. It just sounded so much more interesting to say it was Danny Thomas don't you think?

Anyway, here's what happened.

I was driving through the park one day... oh wait, no.. I was driving through the mountains on my way home.

Normally this isn't cause for concern. However, today I was driving my husbands wife killing contraption car, which is always a cause for caution when I'm on the roads.

You see, his car is a stick shift.



I do not do the whole clutch, shifting gears thing. They are dangerous devices and should be outlawed!!

Ever since I was 15 and took my first driving lesson in one, I've hated them. The lesson started out innocently enough. In the beginning I did pretty good, tootling around the hills of my neighborhood having a jolly time.

At the end of the lesson however, I needed to make a stop. There I was, the first one stopped at a light to turn left.

3 miles of cars were behind me waiting their turn.

Can you guess what happened?

Yep. I stalled the car. Not once. Not twice. But 5 times! This meant all 3 miles of cars, myself included missed the light 5 times. Much honking and swearing ensued. Needless to say I was traumatized. Beyond repair. I NEVER drove a stick again.

Until ...

I married a man who insists that sticks are the only way to go. Ugh.

He's been very sweet about this phobia of mine, and even tried to teach me again how to drive his car. Which I'm proud to say I'm really good at!

Unless I need to stop.

Our first year together we took a road trip to Seattle. Since we took his car, he did most of the driving. Well one day in a fit of extreme insanity generosity I offered to do some of the driving so he could rest.

At the time it didn't seem like a big deal, as we were driving on a flat road going through some mountain valley.

Well, good things come to an end, and we came upon a little town with one stoplight. Of course the light turned red, just as I approached. And yes I was the first one again, with cars behind me.

Naturally I stalled the car, several times. Once I stopped crying we finally got going, I was immediately pulled over by a cop.



He thought I was drunk! Meekly I explained that no I haven't been drinking kind sir, I just don't know how to drive this F%$#@!* stick shift.

He let me go.

So today I'm driving his car again, because mine, the Black Beast may he rest in peace,



disintegrated while I was driving to the grocery store one day. Poor thing it held on as long as it could. It just gave a final chug as I drove across the intersection and then expired. I'm hoping someday to resurrect him, but until then it's my husbands car for me.

Okay, so I got a little off track, but you needed that background information to understand my fear of the manual transmission right? Just say yes, ok?

Anyhoo, back to Danny Thomas ...

So I'm driving home up the hill, when I approach a line of cars, led by the Danny Thomas Party Rental truck. Judging from the angry noises issuing from under the hood, that perhaps 4th gear may be just a tad high for the slow pace I was now going, I went to shift into 2nd gear. That's when all hell broke loose.

I don't know what the F%$# I did, but one thing I did NOT do was shift into 2nd. Instead, the car started to do the death chug, to combat this, I stepped on gas harder so It wouldn't stall. Uh.. Right..

Now I have to stop here and say, that I was on a hill roughly as steep as Lombard Street in San Francisco. If you are unfamiliar with that particular road, just imagine a street that goes straight up to the sky and that's Lombard.

So here I am fighting with this car to keep going and of course it stalls. Right in the middle of the road!

Naturally I panicked. I restarted and stalled. Restarted and rolled down the hill, then stalled. All the time keeping in mind that at any second a car can come whizzing around the corner as they are wont to do in the mountains, and ram right into me.

Since the hill was so steep, every time I tried again, the car would roll backwards, causing me to panic more. Finally after using the emergency brake and some fancy footwork, after the 4th attempt I got it going and made it home safe and sound.

And thank god, because if I had been hit from behind, Danny Thomas,




would have a lot to answer for!!

Raindrops on roses..

I realize I haven't posted in almost a week now, but I have a good excuse. Really.

Well ... sort of.

You see, I actually have a life outside the blogosphere. Well OK, that's actually untrue, but play along with me on this one okay?

Anyhoo, One day, in a fit of energy, I accidentally unleashed something that I haven't seen or dealt with in quite awhile. Can you guess what it is?

Go on, I'll give you a minute..

Got it?


NO?

Well alright I'll show you.

But if you are of the squeamish persuasion you might want to scroll past this really quick to the next section.

OK ready? Look closely now, but be very quiet. I don't want to scare it away...

Here it is ...











Yep that's right.

I found Snoopy drawing Woodstock, while I was cleaning out the hall closet. I find him like that every few years lurking around dark dirty corners of my house. He usually resurfaces when I go on a big cleaning spree ...

What??

Gosh I can't understand why you don't believe me!

Honestly. My feelings are really hurt. I may never blog again. I bet you feel bad now don't you?

NO?

Damn!



Well alright, it is actually my inner artist. I totally thought I'd lost it. But In a rare moment I was actually able to capture a picture of it, so I could prove that it still exists. Pretty amazing huh?

If you ask nicely and promise not to laugh, I might show you what I'm working on in a future post.

In the meantime, I'll entertain you with a few of my favorite annoying things that have happened this past week. Some if not all may or may not have happened today.

1. When a pile of dirt loosely resembling one of your cats, comes tearing through the house, the second AFTER you have just mopped, swept, and vacuumed. And then proceeds to lie around on every available surface spreading even more muck around.



2. When your husband decides that crunchy Cheetos in the very noisy bag is the perfect snack to eat, while you are trying to take a much needed nap on the couch.



3. When you decide to make the 30 minute trek over the hill, to go to the nearest art store, only to find that 3/4 of the way there, the road is closed. Causing you to turn around, go back the way you came and all the way around the mountain resulting in an extra hour of travel time, just to get a tube of paint and a bottle of glitter.



Bonus: When you get back home, and then don't feel like working on painting, making that whole trip to the art store completely worthless.

Even better, is the fact that you could have just waited until the next day, when you would be at work, in very close proximity to said art store, and could have picked up supplies on your way home.

And last but certainly not least,

4. When one of the five cats you own decides that peeing in the appropriate places that he's gone all his life, i.e. outside or the litter box, is no longer good enough, and instead pees willy nilly wherever he damn well pleases. Including but not limited to:

Your bed 3 times, resulting in 3 different comforter washings,
Your purse,
Your car registration papers,
The stove,
And ...
Yours truly. 3 different times. Once In the face.

Bonus, when said cat has been taken to the vet to rule out medical reasons for this behavior and none is found, resulting in the terrible realization that peeing around the house is actually his choice, and now you have a very difficult behavior problem to deal with.

Even better? When a different cat gets wind of what's going on, and decides to pee all over your husbands circuit boards he's building for work.

Ah yes. Good times

Detour Ahead...

As you may know, a couple of years ago I moved up to the mountains.

Unfortunately when I moved, my job didn't come with me. I wish! Since I prefer to live indoors, it is a necessity that I work.

Now in order for me to get to work, I need to travel over the hill and through the woods into the land of traffic. On a good day, Sunday for instance when the roads are clear, my drive is only about 45 minutes. With traffic however ... it could take months.

This brings up an important topic that I wish to address. Roadwork!



Please. Is it really necessary to begin working on the roadways during commute hours? Specifically at 7:30 in the morning when I happen to be making my way to work?

For the love of god! Surely you must realize that this the most hectic commute time of the day? And that by starting emergency surgery on that pothole that has been in the road for 3 years, you are not helping the traffic situation one bit.



No I can't get up earlier to make allowances for delays. I was up late last night blogging and certainly can't be bothered to get up any sooner than the I already do!

I think you will agree that as a taxpayer I am technically paying a portion of your salary. Therefore, you are in a sense working for me.

Now as your employer, I would like to look into fixing this little problem.

Perhaps you reside in a cave and haven't noticed that a large majority of people commute to work in the mornings. As there is enough congestion and road rage just getting to work on a normal day, I am somewhat mystified that roadwork would be started during this very busy time.

If this is your idea of a joke ...



I assure you, I am not amused.

Thankfully I have a solution which I think will benefit us both. It's a novel idea really. I'm surprised you haven't thought of it!

Why not start working at say, 10:00 a.m. instead? Not only will you be able to sleep in, but it will help alleviate aggression towards other commuters when Idiots people slow down to gawk at your bright orange trucks.

Take this morning for instance. I am normally a calm, rational person. Naturally I was shocked to find myself leaning out my window yelling, "Get a move on, you stupid asswipe!" to the car in front of me.

Yes I know orange is a pretty color! I like it too. Some of us however need to get to work TODAY and can't be bothered to slow down for the cone zone.


I mean honestly, I'm sure the workmen will kindly move out of the way as I go speeding past.

By starting at 10:00, this will allow ample time for the morning commuters to arrive at their destinations stress free and in a timely fashion.

If anyone is on the roads after 10:00, I figure they must be unemployed, and therefore surely wouldn't mind sitting in your traffic, as they have nowhere important to be.

Really it's a win win situation.

So you may not get paid for as many hours in a day as you used to. And maybe you need to take a second job in order to pay your mortgage every month. But just think how happy it will make me not to be sitting at a standstill behind miles of cars that should by all rights be moving!

Obviously I'll be thinking of you sleeping soundly in your bed, as I sail along on my way to work at 7:30 in the effing morning!!