You know, here I am blogging under the title of, Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something, and it just occurred to me that I may not have explained to you readers in what ways I am actually neurotic.
What if you thought I was lying? You may think my title is a farce. I mean it's not. But how do you actually know that? I would hate for you to think that I was anything but extremely honest with you, especially since today is National Honesty Day (thanks Michael). God forbid you should think I was falsely advertising. The whole thought makes me shudder.
Although if you are regular readers, you might have already surmised through some of my posts, that yes this lady is indeed a touch crazy. But that's neither here nor there.
Now then, just to put you at ease, here are some (pretty embarrassing) ways in which I am truly a neurotic nut.
13 Ways In Which I am Neurotic:
1. I hate, hate, hate, mayonnaise touching my skin. If I get it on me, even just a dab, I have to immediately wash it off. It completely grosses me out. To the point where I want to hurl. Incidentally, I love mayo on my sandwiches, and since I eat sandwiches most everyday for lunch, well that's a lot of hand washing. Btw I also hate the smell.
2. I once got sick from eating Jack in the Box monster tacos. For years I could not think of Jack in the Box, or even drive past the sign, without feeling like I was going throw up.
I'm just now able to go through the drive through and order my milkshakes. Thank goodness. Because Jack in the Box? Has The. Best. Milk shakes. Ever!
3. I have a deep irrational fear of spiders, ticks and snakes.
Ticks especially will reduce me to code red panic mode, and in one instance caused me to strip naked in the park after dark. Then the police came..
4. I am extremely afraid of heights. Just thinking of a ski lift, can induce a panic attack of epic proportions. This may have something to do with the fact that my parents almost dropped me from one of those ski lift type rides that take you across amusement parks.
The fact that I don't actually remember this incident, should have no bearing on whether or not I can blame my parents.
5. I hate the wooden stick/handle thing in popsicles and ice cream bars. If I taste that nasty woodiness, it's the equivalent of running fingernails down a chalkboard for me. Ick!
6. I detest elevators. Ever since I was about 6 years old, I've been afraid that I would get stuck in one. This has made for some very interesting and often embarrassing circumstances, such as missing job interviews and appointments.
On the plus side, I get loads of exercise walking up stairs. Which isn't a bad thing. Unless of course the place I need to be is on the fifteenth floor or something. Good exercise? Yes. But I just may be passed out when I reach my destination.
Just why don't hotels have rooms on the first and second floors anyway?
7. I do not like the sound of silence. I don't mean the song. That I like. No I mean real silence. For example when I sleep, I have to have a fan on, otherwise actual silence is way too noisy. Especially since I live in the woods, as there aren't any traffic sounds outside.
On the other hand any noise not drowned out by the fan, such as eating crunchy chips, has the potential to keep me awake. Strange but, oh so true.
This particular quirk I know I can blame on my parents. Since they raised me to sleep with fans ever since I can remember. Ok, to be honest (since it is National Honesty Day), part of it is my fault too. Thanks to too many loud concerts as a teenager, I have permanent ringing in my ears, which becomes annoyingly loud when it's quiet. Strange as this is, according to my doctor, my hearing is phenomenal. In a good way that is.
8. Food. I love my food and I am absolutely neurotic about eating good meals. Bad meals put me in a grumpy mood, but a good meal ... can totally make my day. Chocolate and ice cream also have the same effect.
9. TV shows. The same principal for food applies to TV shows as well. I can get spectacularly excited about the prospect of watching one of my favorites shows. It's pretty amazing. If I'm eating a delicious meal and watching a great show, say for example ... Mary Tyler Moore ... well just call me happy with a capital H! (Yes I'm easily amused).
However I can just as easily be upset if I settle in to watch a night of wonderful programming, and a baseball, football or any other sports game comes on instead. Blurg! What is the deal with that anyway? Isn't there a specific channel for sports?
10. I have a thing for condiments and sauces of all kinds. If one equals good, then more equals so much better.
Good spaghetti for me is a handful of noodles swimming in an ocean of sauce, topped by a mountain of cheese. Yum! I order extra sauce with all my pasta's at restaurants, because the kitchen staff are just waaaaayy too stingy for my taste.
As a side note. I do not appreciate the Sauce Nazi that is now stationed at the Mongolian BBQ place in the mall. What is the deal with only doling out one scoop per sauce? Hello! I want me some flavor on my noodles!
I don't think this addition was because of my overly saucy ways. Honest!
When I have fries I usually have a variety of dipping sauces on the side. In restaurants, I have been known to ask the waiter to bring out one of each kind of sauce they had (for my fries). However, I quickly put a stop to this practice when I made this request at Chili's one night. The waiter informed me they had something like 47 different kinds, and that no he would not bring them all out for me to sample. Party pooper!
10. I can't relax properly unless the house is clean. It doesn't have to be spotless or sterile. Just picked up a bit. I try to keep the house clean and organized. However with my husband who always has multiple projects going on, this isn't always possible.
To my husband: When the house looks like a tornado went off in Home Depot ,that is not my idea of relaxing clean. I would appreciate it if you would at least pick out a place among the rubbish for me to sit. Thanks!
11. Christopher Walken scares the beejesus out of me. The man is downright spooky. His eyes, voice and mannerisms ... well everything is creepy.
Tell me, does that face not freak you out? Look at those eyes! Ack!
12. I sleep with Jesus. Well a Jesus night light that is. Not that I'm afraid of the dark or anything. HONEST!
This was actually my husband's light before we even met. I haven't asked him why someone who isn't particularly religious owns a Jesus night light, because I figure hey, to each his own right? Anyway it's fun to ask my husband 'if he turned Jesus on' before going to bed. Oh wait. Does this mean I'm going hell?
And last but certainly not least:
13. I can't eat scrambled eggs without ketchup.
I guess technically that would be part of my condiment fetish in number 10, but since ketchup and eggs is a special kind of weird all on it's own, I felt it deserved a separate category.
Or am I just being neurotic?