How Danny Thomas Almost Killed Me ...

Well OK, it wasn't actually the actor, but the Danny Thomas party rental truck. It just sounded so much more interesting to say it was Danny Thomas don't you think?

Anyway, here's what happened.

I was driving through the park one day... oh wait, no.. I was driving through the mountains on my way home.

Normally this isn't cause for concern. However, today I was driving my husbands wife killing contraption car, which is always a cause for caution when I'm on the roads.

You see, his car is a stick shift.



I do not do the whole clutch, shifting gears thing. They are dangerous devices and should be outlawed!!

Ever since I was 15 and took my first driving lesson in one, I've hated them. The lesson started out innocently enough. In the beginning I did pretty good, tootling around the hills of my neighborhood having a jolly time.

At the end of the lesson however, I needed to make a stop. There I was, the first one stopped at a light to turn left.

3 miles of cars were behind me waiting their turn.

Can you guess what happened?

Yep. I stalled the car. Not once. Not twice. But 5 times! This meant all 3 miles of cars, myself included missed the light 5 times. Much honking and swearing ensued. Needless to say I was traumatized. Beyond repair. I NEVER drove a stick again.

Until ...

I married a man who insists that sticks are the only way to go. Ugh.

He's been very sweet about this phobia of mine, and even tried to teach me again how to drive his car. Which I'm proud to say I'm really good at!

Unless I need to stop.

Our first year together we took a road trip to Seattle. Since we took his car, he did most of the driving. Well one day in a fit of extreme insanity generosity I offered to do some of the driving so he could rest.

At the time it didn't seem like a big deal, as we were driving on a flat road going through some mountain valley.

Well, good things come to an end, and we came upon a little town with one stoplight. Of course the light turned red, just as I approached. And yes I was the first one again, with cars behind me.

Naturally I stalled the car, several times. Once I stopped crying we finally got going, I was immediately pulled over by a cop.



He thought I was drunk! Meekly I explained that no I haven't been drinking kind sir, I just don't know how to drive this F%$#@!* stick shift.

He let me go.

So today I'm driving his car again, because mine, the Black Beast may he rest in peace,



disintegrated while I was driving to the grocery store one day. Poor thing it held on as long as it could. It just gave a final chug as I drove across the intersection and then expired. I'm hoping someday to resurrect him, but until then it's my husbands car for me.

Okay, so I got a little off track, but you needed that background information to understand my fear of the manual transmission right? Just say yes, ok?

Anyhoo, back to Danny Thomas ...

So I'm driving home up the hill, when I approach a line of cars, led by the Danny Thomas Party Rental truck. Judging from the angry noises issuing from under the hood, that perhaps 4th gear may be just a tad high for the slow pace I was now going, I went to shift into 2nd gear. That's when all hell broke loose.

I don't know what the F%$# I did, but one thing I did NOT do was shift into 2nd. Instead, the car started to do the death chug, to combat this, I stepped on gas harder so It wouldn't stall. Uh.. Right..

Now I have to stop here and say, that I was on a hill roughly as steep as Lombard Street in San Francisco. If you are unfamiliar with that particular road, just imagine a street that goes straight up to the sky and that's Lombard.

So here I am fighting with this car to keep going and of course it stalls. Right in the middle of the road!

Naturally I panicked. I restarted and stalled. Restarted and rolled down the hill, then stalled. All the time keeping in mind that at any second a car can come whizzing around the corner as they are wont to do in the mountains, and ram right into me.

Since the hill was so steep, every time I tried again, the car would roll backwards, causing me to panic more. Finally after using the emergency brake and some fancy footwork, after the 4th attempt I got it going and made it home safe and sound.

And thank god, because if I had been hit from behind, Danny Thomas,




would have a lot to answer for!!

Severe Weather Alerts...

We have been having some bad weather out here in California, and I have to admit that storms and I dont' mix very well. My anxiety meter goes into overdrive and I start hyperventalating at the thought of a strong gust of wind. I'm okay with regular rainy weather, maybe some hail, a few strong downpours, no problem.

The anxiety starts when the storm warnings are issued. Mainly the high wind warnings. This, I'm sure stems from when I lived in Georgia during the one year they had a record hurricane season (we managed to cover the alphabet once and had to start over).

Being a California girl, I was not used to extreme weather, nor was I familar with winds so strong, that they blew roofs off shopping centers, fliped airplanes over at the local airport, and reduced the trees into a pile of firewoood right before your eyes.

I spent that whole year glued to the weather channel, and if there was a tornado warning, no rest or peace was had until it was gone. I lived in constant fear of a tornado, sweeping the house away, with me in it, a la Dorthey in the Wizard of Oz.

It is without sadness, that I left Georgia after one year, and despite the unusually active hurricane weather, I'm pleased to report that we had no tornadoes.

Which brings me to the present. I'm back in California, but now I live in the mountains. Bad weather in the mountains is none too pleasant, at least for someone like me. Once again, I'm glued to the weather channel watching every alert, but this time the alerts are flood and high wind warnings, road coslures and fallen trees.

Flooding, I don't personally have to worry about too much. Property wise that is. I have a creek in my backyard, but my house is on stilts high up on the hill, so if the creek gets high enough to flood, that's not really an issue, as our house would have slid down the mountain and floated away long before the water level reached it.

No, It's not the flooding that scares me. It's high winds, falling trees and sometimes, landslides. We actually had a landslide on our property the first year, as half of our upper mountain slithered down, and threatened to take over our propane tank. Since we like heat, hot water and the ability to cook, we decided it best to have the tank moved. This resulted in a huge battle with our propane service, but eventually, we got our way. Since it will cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 to put up a retaining wall, we now totally ignore the crumbling mountain as it tries to annex the carport.

Just a quick note to the propane company: If you schedule for our tank to be moved after it has been emptied, because propane is a heavy gas, please do not send out a crew member to fill it back up the day before the moving of the tank was to take place, thus rendering it too heavy to move. Sounds simple doesn't it? Well this happened not only once, but three times!

Anyway, It's the trees that scare me the most coupled with high winds. Because I basically live in a forest, there are plenty of trees that can come down on my house and this is a major stress for me. On stormy nights like last night, I lie awake in fear of a redwood crashing through the roof, while my husband snores peacefully without a care in the world.

This may seem neurotic to some, and in a sense it is, but it's also a very real possiblity. When the ground is saturated and the winds are high, the trees go down. Redwoods being the biggest trees, may look sturdy, but their roots are actually not very deep, thus in my opinion making them strong candidates for toppling over. The mear thought of which reduces me to a quivering pool of nerves at every little noise, and offering silent prayers of survival to any deity who will listen. So far it seems to be working. :) Although, I have to say, of all the trees that do fall, I've yet to see a redwood go down. Needless to say, It still scares the crap out of me.

As much as I love living with nature (In the summer, spring and fall), it's times like this when I long to live in a city of sturdy cement buildings, and puny little trees. A place where no matter what the weather is you can feel secure that the house you live in, will stay standing and continue to provide a roof over your head.

That is unless there is an earthquake...