Tales Of A Neurotic 30 Something

I'm Baaaaaaack!

2012-01-31T19:44:00.000-08:00

Holy cow, it's like entering a time warp! I just realized it's been nearly 4 years since my last post!! 4 YEARS! Can you say procrastination much? Actually I really really hate those "much phrases", but in this case, it totally seemed to apply.

So let me fill you in on whats been going on around here. Just in case anyone is still reading....

Did I just hear a cricket?

Yeah I know 4 years IS a little long to expect a readership still. Sigh. Guess I'll just have to start all over again.

Technically it hasn't been 4 years, and besides, I did start my art blog, which was another version of this one but with art.. Okay probably not nearly as entertaining, but still you got to see lots of cool art... Right?

Well I'm not doing art anymore. At least not now, I'm raising a child instead.

Yeah you heard that right. '

A child!

Which makes me a mom! The world has gone wacky. I never ever thought I'd see the day, but lo and behold it came.

She 8 months old btw. Her name is Emily. And she is the master of the universe. Well our universe anyway. And yes, you will be reading about her. A lot. That is, if anyone is still willing to read this dusty ol blog still.

Sooooooo, for some odd reason today I got it into my head to start blogging again. I've been Facebooking like crazy, but status updates don't always fulfill those writing needs. You know when one wants to be a writer. Or thinks they want to be a writer, or just dreams about being a writer but doesn't actually write, but still hopes that someday a book might spontaneously appear and be published, making said wannabee writer rich. Yeah, that would be me.

Anyway.... I was sitting here thinking I kind of have a life now, maybe I might have something to blog about again. And then I thought, Oh cool! I can start a new blog, and make it all pretty, and get tons of people to follow me, and be all popular and... and, then I couldn't get past the first question. "What is your blogs name?" I hate that part. Because, I don't know. It's not something I can come up with on the fly. What I really want to do is design it. That's the fun part. And writing it. Naming it? Eh. Not so much.

So after pondering the name thing for about 15 minutes and coming up with nothing, I gave up, and clicked back to this trusty ol blog and started re-reading my posts. And, you know what? Darned if it wasn't exactly what I was going to do with the new blog. Write about me. Why the heck start all over, when I already had a blog with loads of posts? And so here I am. Again. Maybe if you are lucky I'll stick around for awhile...

What just happened?

2008-09-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Wow! I did it again didn't I? How did nearly two months go by without me writing a post? And this time I wasn't even doing housework.

Nor was I spending time at guru camp. Well actually that's not quite true, I actually did go to the 2nd installment of Guru camp, but, um... I...sort of... got kicked out.

Oh okay, it was really my decision to leave, but honestly I'm pretty certain the teacher was glad to see me go. And he did suggest that maybe I should reschedule (read: leave).

Here's the down low. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'll tell you anyway. Day 1 of Guru camp part 2, and the class is waiting 3 hours for the teacher to show up. Why he was late wasn't explained to us, so we just sat around meditating, or in some cases sleeping. Me? I couldn't figure out what to do, so I decided to lie down a bit and see what happened.

I spread out my brand new fancy schmancy Target yoga mat on the hard ballroom floor and laid down staring at the ceiling for inspiration. I spent maybe a total of 15 minutes, no wait probably more like 5 minutes "relaxing". Then I got bored. With nothing better to do I got up intending to take a stroll around the lobby.

That simple little move of changing positions from lying down to standing up, put me on disability for another 3 months.

Yep I hurt my back. And the class hadn't even started! Instantly I was limping around the room for the rest of the night.

It was even more amusing the next morning when I fell down during Yoga practice. This would have been understandable had we been doing some intense yoga positions that contort one into a pretzel, but the sad truth was, we were just standing up.

That was my cue that I wasn't going to make it through Guru Camp this time. See each day is like 13-14 hours a day, and it's in silence, which has nothing to do with my back, but honestly how can you not talk for a week? It's not just talking either, it's communication of all kinds. Yes that means emails and text messages. I could probably not speak for that long, but no emails would have me depressed beyond belief. Sad isn't it?

Anyway my back wasn't going to handle that much mediation and yoga so I decided to call it quits. Especially after I got busted for leaving the room, during one of the exercises. I could not get it through to them, that sitting was BAD for me.

So there you have it Guru Camp part duo. Not as cool as the first time, but I can't really judge it properly since I was in pain and couldn't participate.

Now all this, was leading up to me trying to tell you what I have been doing these past 2 months. See what I mean about not being able to talk? Silence would not work for this one. I have lots to say.

Okay the real reason for my absence is this. I'm cheating on my own blog. I know! I can hardly believe it myself. I created a new one and have been spending time with it.

Oh the shame and guilt is strong, but I really feel that is what I have to do.

The new blog is an art blog.

Why am I hearing crickets?

I do art. Sometimes. A couple times a year at least.

Heh.

I've actually started to become very involved in the arts, and have been working on an art journal and some canvases. I'm trying to put together enough stuff to show next May. Which would be tres cool if I could pull it off.

So if you all don't hear from me, now you know why. I'm covered in paint and can't get to the keyboard. Or when I can, I'm typing away on the new blog showing off my latest piece.

I figure with being on disability, I might as well pursue this hobby right? Who knows it may turn out for the best.

Wish me luck!!

Oh yeah and the image at the top of this post, is one I did in my journal last week for an art challenge.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must paint.

Oh wait, did you want the address to the new site? Ha ha. Thought I wasn't going to give huh? Well here it is in case you feel the need to see some culture, instead of reading my every so amusing blog.

Heh.

What? I can dream can't I?

I went to Guru Camp!

2008-07-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

OMG! Are you as shocked as I am?

No, not the fact that I went to Guru Camp, although that in itself is an interesting story, which of course I'll tell you in just a second.

What I mean is that I'm actually writing another post!!

It's hard to believe so much time has gone by without updating all my adoring fans on the facinating details of my life. Yet it's true.

One would think with all this time off, away from the computer, that I would actually get something productive done.

Oh how I really wish I could say that were true, and rattle off a long list of all my amazing accomplishments.

Sad to say, the honest truth is I've been doing a lot of ...

Housework.

Oh and gardening.

Did I just hear a gasp?

Not sure if that was aimed towards the fact that I actually spent over a month cleaning my house rather than blogging, or the fact that I, a convicted plant killer, took up gardening.

I guess it could go both ways huh?

Anyhoo, I'm back. You're thrilled right?

Now, I bet you all are wondering who the fellow in the picture is right?

Well I'll tell you, that is my happy little guru. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Not to be confused with the sitar player of the same name.

Because believe me, I really stood out in class, when I excitedly announced, "Really? Ravi Shakar is coming! I love his music!"

Um yeah. I'm the American dork.

Here's how it all started. My sister in-law who was taking part two, told my husband and I about this course offered through the Art of Living.

The class was everynight for 5 days, and totaled 20 hours.

It promised all kinds of goodies. Relaxation and breathing techniques to reduce stress and anxiety, yoga, meditation, and words of wisdom from the main man himself.

Hold on a minute. Did I see, reduction of anxiety?

Some of you may or may not know, that I suffer from anxiety every since I was put on disability last year. Sometimes it's bad enough that I get panic attacks.

Naturally this class sounded perfect for me. Haven't I always heard that to relieve anxiety and stress you should breathe properly and meditate?

But haven't I always been too lazy to do it?

Seems like I should take this opportunity.

The only catch was, I didn't want to. I was afraid to go, because I thought I would have anxiety being in class so long.

Yeah. You heard that right.

Naturally I pulled every card I could think of not to go, from the cost per person, to my diabetic cat.

All the roadblocks I set up were neatly knocked down by my husband.

So I gave in and went. The first day was six hours long! One of my fears was not being able to leave the room. I hate disrupting people and felt it would be rude if, say I had to use the restroom. Considering my bladder is roughly the size of a grape, I have to go. Often. Plus they wanted us to drink 3 liters of water everyday! You might as well conduct the class in the bathroom, cause that's where we all will be if we drank that much.

The morning of the first day, I awoke in terror. Something horrifying occurred to me. What if, they make us be all touchy feeley with each other, and share our feelings with the class?

I hate speaking in public! I would be mortified should this happen. When I shared this fear with my husband he assured me that they wouldn't dare do such silly things.

So we walk into class.

Not only did we have to speak in public, and share our feelings all five days, but we also had to do crazy things, like dance by yourself in the middle of the room, while the rest of the class is holding hands in a huge circle around you.

Not everyone was had to do it, but of course my nervousness stood out like a beacon, and I was the second one picked. I nearly died of embarrassment.

If I had been properly inebriated I would have let it all hang out and put on, quite a show.

Unfortunately I was sober and forgot every single dance move I ever knew. Including the sorry white man side to side shuffle. So I stood there frozen giggling like an idiot til my turn was up.

Yes it is funny. Go ahead and laugh. I certainly am. Now.

I actually loosened up quite a bit after the first day. I was forced to push the boundries of my social limits. That was not in the brochure!

The rest of the class, we learned fancy breathing/relaxation techniques.

Why haven't I tried mediation before? It's like a bonus nap! Talk about relaxation. I can barley walk straight when I'm done. Love it! In fact it was during meditation tonight that I though to write this post!

Did I use enough exclamation points in that last paragraph?

We also learned a top secret breathing skill, which I can't divulge. He-he.

Seriously though. That? Freaked me out. It is basically controlled hyperventalating.

Um.. for someone with panic attacks, this is a no-no. Needless to say I had a major anxiety attack. And I'm thinking, I paid money for this? I can have one for free anytime I want.

I was very discouraged after that day. I did not want to go back. And it was only the second class.

But you know what. I did. I faced my fear and sat through another session. Only I did it on my own terms, and it worked out just fine.

Basically I had a great time. Once I got used to the heavy breathing, (sounds naughty doesn't it?) and talking about feelings with strangers I found that I was having fun.

And after each class we got to go to Satsang, which was a huge room filled with 1000 people, singing, dancing or meditating, and listening to Sri Sri talk.

This was one of my favorite parts. I love listening to him. The things he said, I was able to apply to my life. Oh and the bonus is, he's very funny!

Apparently we were lucky that he was there. I guess he doesn't go to all the classes, but this was part of his US Tour.

I learned so much through this course, and I use the skills everyday. Believe me it has helped. A lot.

I now know how to relax.

I know it's hard to believe, but I actually feel...

At peace.

Ommmmm....

Authors note: If the spacing on here Is all wacky, I apologize. Blogger is doing some weird stuff, and won't let me fix it.

Can you tell I'm procrastinating?

2008-06-04T10:44:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I decided I was going to earnestly sit down and try to write. In this case, blogging didn't count. Too bad, because that is somehow so easy.

I mean I wanted to write a book. All my life I have felt there is a writer and an unwritten book lurking around in me somewhere. I just needed to find a way to extract them.

The perfect opportunity came last year, when I hurt my back, and was on disability for several months.

Tired of watching TV and reading (I know I never thought the day would come either), I decided to write. I did pretty good too. For me that is. I probably only wrote about 30 pages. But those were 30 pages I didn't have before. Now I had something to work with.

Considering I was on disability for almost a year, and unable to do anything remotely physical, It would not be unreasonable to think that I may have finished that book.

Unfortunately this would be wrong.

I never got past those 30 pages. Oh sure, I thought about it. Plenty of times. But every time I had a chance to type up a few pages, I blew it off to do something more pressing, such as laundry, washing the dishes, feed the cats etc.

Somehow all those boring old household chores needed to be done. Like now. Eventually too much time went by and I lost interest.

Until last week.

I had the urge again, and it was strong.

I decided to dedicate my four day weekend to writing. (Yes I really do get four days off every week. It's pretty cool, and I know I'm lucky, but that doesn't stop me from complaining all 3 days that I do work).

So last Wednesday, I woke up ambitious and ready to go. I had four empty days ahead of me. It was perfect. I sat down at my desk, opened my laptop, clicked open a brand new word document, and set to work.

Four days later, I still had a blank word document. Not sure what happened exactly, except I may, possibly have spent too much time reading scandalous comments bashing Ambercrombie and Finch, reading blogs, emailing, eating, updating Facebook, searching for long lost friends, eating, sleeping, emailing, reading blogs....

Um. Yeah.

Now it's the weekend again, and I told myself I would seriously write this time. Starting today. In fact I'm supposed to be in my room at my desk right now. Writing. Seriously.

Instead I find that I'm emailing, reading blogs, eating, updating Face Book, and blogging once again. Ok that's it. I'm finished now. I will go sit at my desk right now, and write.

Seriously.

Right after this nap...

I'm one of the crazies!!

2008-06-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

Yeesssss!! I got the highest score on the neurotic test. Feeeeww!

And I didn't even cheat!

I have to admit, I was a little worried while taking the test. I mean what would happen if I turned out only slightly neurotic? I would have to change my blog title to Tales of a Slightly Neurotic 30 Something. Or sort of neurotic. Or worse, wanna be neurotic. This whole thought process terrifies me, so I'm extra special glad I scored so high.

Whoa. Does the last paragraph make me sound even more neurotic-y?

So the scores are in and I have to say, I'm pleased, yet somewhat surprised with the results. I scored high in anxiety and neuroticism, actually I tied on those, no surprise there, but I scored highest on akwardness. Hmmm...

Your Score: The True Neurotic!!!

You scored 68 anxiety, 85 awkwardness, and 68 neuroticism!

(I did not make the font that big. It came that way. Very enthusiastic isn't it?)

Congratulations, you are The True Neurotic, (thank goodness!!!) your nail-biting, conflict-avoiding worrier, you. (true, except for the nail biting bit). You're plagued by self-doubt and anxiety, which makes social activity hard--even though you may be well-liked, you feel under a storm of silent criticism. (It's like they can see into my brain. Wait. They can't can they? Wait... who made this test?)

It doesn't help that people give you funny looks for organizing all your pens by color or sharpening your gnawed pencils to a delicate point. (Yes but if they are color coded, you can find them so much easier. Plus it's prettier! Although, I may need to stop re-organizing my co-workers desks. Somehow, I don't think they see it as being helpful.)

Your high anxiety score implies that you are unable to relax, worry about the future often, and probably are plagued by irrational fears and self-doubt. (Uh.. Yeah! I am the queen of irrational fears. I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone of my tick phobia right?)

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept(makes me sound like a loser doesn't it?) probably stick out from the crowd, (Oh gosh I hope not. I'd rather blend in. Though come to think of it, perhaps my multicolored hair, isn't helping me achieve that goal? ) and feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties. (Well yeah, that's because everyone is looking at ME. Again maybe I should rethink the multicolored hair. Perhaps this is why I have trouble making friends?)

Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors (Absolutely!!) --probably organization (True), fanatic obsessions (Also true) (can you recite the entire first LOTR movie?) ( Well maybe not the LOTR movies. Which I love btw. But I can recite certain other cinematic greats word for word, such as the Great Race and/ or any I Love Lucy show. I'm pretty proud of that accomplishment actually.), repetitive mantras, constant checking, or orderly rituals (Oh. That makes me sound OCDish).

So there you have it. Once again proof that I am a true neurotic. Just in case you had any doubt. Obviously I wouldn't want you dear readers to think I was faking it. No. That wouldn't do at all.

This way you have to believe me, because I took a genuine test. And got a high score! Without cheating!

I don't want you to feel left out, so if you feel the need to find out your personal measure of crazy, click on the link below. Don't worry if you don't score as high as I did. Not everyone can be as neurotic as I am, so don't feel bad. I'm sure your special talent is just as cool. I mean that. Really.

Plus, I'm obviously gifted in this area, so trying to compete with the master will most likely lead to disappointment.

Besides, It took years to perfect this kind of craziness!

Authors note: For those who take the test and score the same or higher than me.. we should probably talk. Really. I would love to know who my peers are in this area. Maybe we could swap phobia stories!!

Link: The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(littlelostsnail)

Did someone yell fire?

2008-05-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Well today has been most interesting. And it's only half over!!

So I'm sitting in the movie theater, and all of a sudden I smell smoke. Actual smoke!

This is very disconcerting knowing that there is a large raging forest fire in the area, and it is now apparently close enough for the smell to seep into the movie theater.

Yes I had a teensy panic attack, but that didn't stop me from finishing the new Indiana Jones movie. Which is pretty good by the way. Last Crusade was better though.

I figured if there was an inferno blazing around us, someone would have at least stopped the movie, and evacuated us no?

Anyway, upon exiting, into the bright sunshine, I was astonished to see huge billows of smoke rising over the mountains. Planes were flying overhead to grab water from the nearest lake 3 miles away.

The sense of urgency was even more pronounced by a lone firetruck blaring it's siren directly behind our car, damn near giving me a heart attack, and causing me to jump a good 4 feet into the air, like I was in some sort of ejector seat.

Not sure how necessary that really was, especially considering what happened next.

Sirens blaring the truck goes speeding past us up the hill at about, oh say, 10 miles an hour. This struck me as funny. Obviously they need to rush to the fire, but the heavy truck couldn't make it up the steep hill fast enough. Kinda like my car, the Black Beast actually. Even funnier, was that cars were whizzing past the truck at about 50 miles an hour.

The fire is close enough now, that the air smells like a giant bbq, either that or smoked Gouda. I can't decide. The fact that I'm hungry, and have been thinking about smoked cheese since the movie, may or may not be a factor.

There isn't an official report yet on how the fire started, but of course I've heard plenty of rumors. One such rumor was that a routine burn got out of control.

Not surprising if this was the case, as I have seen too many instances of this happening in my neighborhood alone.

Honestly, people, how do you not know that burning in windy weather in the mountains will lead to bad things?

In fact controlled burns should be banned altogether in the mountains. I don't understand why no one with law making authority can see that burning fires, on purpose, in the mountains, with lots of trees, which are very flammable, could be considered a hazard.

It really isn't difficult to understand folks. Should you need more help, please refer to a previous post of mine here for more education, I mean information.

Here's another kicker. We are currently trying to get homeowners insurance. For most people this is as easy as apple pie. For us mountain folk, not so much. Every year we get dropped due to the fact that we live amongst the trees and therefore in a fire hazard.

Finally, yesterday we signed the prospective new home owners insurance papers, hoping, praying that we will be approved.

Um, today? With this fire in our area? That has been declared a state of emergency by the Terminator himself? Well ... I'm guessing Farmers Insurance won't approve us now. What do you think?

As it is now, the fire is actually south of where I live, but if the wind changes, I'm packing up the cats and heading out of here.

I don't even want to begin to imagine the hugenormous traffic jam there will be to get out of the mountains.

I for one intend to beat the rush.

Everything you wanted to know about me, but where afraid to ask

2008-05-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

I know you all are dying to know more about me. Don't be shy. I know it's true.

Well, you are in luck. As it happens, I am one of my favorite, not to mention easiest subjects to talk about ... so, as a good gesture, I am going to post this here tag. Which is, as you may have guessed, all about ME.

Lest you mistake that I'm actually popular or something, I have to admit, I stole this tag off Lady Banana's site. But don't worry it's okay, she said I could. Honest.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?

The Spiderwick Chronicals.

2. What book are you reading?

A walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. Excellent read by the way. Recommended by another blogger after reading my backpacking post.

3. Favorite board game?

Trivial Pursuit. Cause I love useless facts and looking smart.

4. Favorite magazine?
I don't really read magazines, since I've discovered the internet. But one that I always read in the bathroom is Fine Cooking.

5. Favorite smells?

New tires, chocolate, baking, bacon.

6. Favorite sounds?

The flowing creek in my backyard, waterfalls, and rain.

7. Worst feeling in the world?

So far that I know of, vertigo, headaches, and cramps.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

D'Artagnan (my cat) stop hitting me!

9. Favorite fast food place?

Depends on what I want. If it's a milkshake then Jack in the Box, Fries, McDonalds, Hamburger Carls Jr., Mexican Taco Bell.

10. Future child’s name?

Emily and Madison. Yes I will have girls. I insist on it.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?

Travel, Buy another home closer to family and friends, and finish school.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Do my cats count?

13. Storms - cool or scary?

Can be very scary if wind is involved. And lightening. I live near too many trees.

14. Favorite drink?

Apple Juice, Orange Juice, Hot chocolate, and coke. What? I don't do well with favorites. I have lot of them. I also don't do well with decisions.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?

Not sure, since I actually have a lot of time, but don't use it wisely. I should change the statement to say..."If I had a ton of determination, or is it willpower, or maybe it's focus, I would...

Now I bet you are wondering what I'm going to say now aren't you? Well let's see if I had all that I would write a book, and finish school.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

Absolutely NOT! They're icky.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?

Since I already do that, here's a run down of the color choices for the next 3 months (that's how long it lasts), Blond on top, hot pink below, 2 different purples below that, and dark brown underneath, and in the back. Otherwise known as Rainbow Bright.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?

Oh my gosh, we could be here all day. Oh well here goes...Macon, San Diego, Cupertino, Sunnyvale, Mountain View, Milpitas, San Jose, El Granada ... There are more, but really, I'm sure you're bored by now.

19. Favorite sports to watch?

I don't.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?

No one sent this to me. I stole it. Sort of. But I got this from Lady Banana's site, who is really cool, and if you want to read a good, and entertaining blog head over here.

21. What’s under your bed?

Cats and I think handcuffs. Kidding about the handcuffs. I think.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?

I think so, but I would want a flatter stomach, different jaw structure so I don't look like a horse or ape when smiling, and I would do a few things differently.

23. Morning person, or night owl?

Given my propensity for staying up til 2 or 3, I'd say night owl. Or I suppose I could be considered a morning person. Very early morning that is.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?

Scrambled!

25. Favorite place to relax?

In my pool or creek, on the couch with my laptop, or bed. Oh wait, just one place?

26. Favorite pie?

Banana Cream or make that chocolate cream or Boston Cream or...

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?

First of all, how the heck do I pick just one? Baskin Robbins alone has over 31 flavors. Considering ice cream is probably my favorite dessert, picking one flavor is asking a lot! I can't even do that when I order it. I always get two flavors. Ugh. Okay. ONE of my favorites is Chocolate and Peanut Butter. Delish!

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
Since I wasn't tagged in the first place, I don't feel I should tag someone else..so I'll do what Lady Banana did, and whoever wants to take this tag can...Enjoy!

Tick Mountain

2008-05-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

If you are a frequent visitor to my blog, you are likely already aware of my deep aversion towards ticks. That is, if you actually read the posts.

If you just come by for the spectacular scenery, and or Entrecard drop, then you probably don't realize how much I hate them. Then again, you probably aren't reading this, so it really doesn't matter.

If you are new to the area however, and stopped by because of my outstanding blog name and or avatar (for those social networking users) then, Hi there and welcome! By the way ticks scare the bejeebers out of me!

Just so you know.

Anyhoo, this little phobia of mine has become quite dangerous and is very likely to get me into trouble sometime. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Last summer I was driving to the grocery store. Earlier that day, I had been on a hike, and as it was getting cool out, I had put on a black sweatshirt (the color is important here).

About halfway to the store, I am stopped at a stop sign and notice something moving on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

As I start driving again, I simultaneously inspect my sleeve. Big mistake! It was a tick. Just one lone tick, making it's way down my arm, along my black sweatshirt.

Black.

Ticks are also black.

Do you know what went through my mind after I finished screaming? Yes I did scream. Loudly.

I kept thinking how many other ticks were on me, that I couldn't see because they blended into my black sweatshirt. Not only that, but where did the first tick come from? My neck? My hair? My shirt? My pants?

The possibilities were endless.

I was positively freaking out. Shudders, screams, much flailing of the arms, hyperventilating, and rising panic all ensued, at the thought of the possible hordes of ticks dispersed along my body.

And all this was happening while I driving on a two lane, windy, mountain road.

As I tried to brush the phantom ticks off me, I would swerve into the oncoming traffic, but luckily pull out, just before a car sped past.

Sensing imminent danger. I hastily spun my car around, and sped home as fast as I could. Once there, I ran into the house, shedding clothes along the way, and jumped into the shower.

After a good, thorough scrubbing and inspection, I was convinced that it was safe to leave the confines of the shower, and put clean clothes on. I never went back to the store that night, as I was sure my car was infested with those bloodsuckers.

All that commotion for ONE tick.

And that? Wasn't the worst episode. Allow me to share just what happened on the night of the scariest tick moment of my life.

The scariest tick moment of my life happened when my husband and I were very first dating.

Since we were a new couple, we did wild and crazy things, such as staying up late on weeknights, eat junk food, and go for late night bike rides and hikes.

As usual, one night after work, I made my way over to his place for dinner. It was late, since those were the days when I worked until almost nine every night.

Sometime after dinner, we decided it would be fun to go on a late night hike. There was a nice hiking mountain right near his house, so we drove up there.

Technically, I don't think you are supposed to hike there at night. Especially at 11 pm, but what the heck. Rules were made to be broken right?

The view was spectacular.

The weather comfortable.

The trails, thin and grassy. That should have been my first clue. Long grassy weeds in the hills? Tick city.

Just so you know, I have been on hundreds of hikes, in all kinds of terrain, and I have never once picked up a tick. Never. Ticks were the absolute furthest thing from my mind.

Our walk was lovely, but was stopped short when I felt something crawling up my leg. As I bent down to brush it off, I noticed it was a tick.

Trying to be cool, in front of my relatively new boyfriend, I tried to minimize my panic and flailing arms as I furiously checked myself for more.

When I noticed yet another one, all hell broke loose.

Obviously I didn't mean to shriek so loudly. But, I just couldn't help it. I flew towards the car, and started a massive inspection.

My boyfriend somewhat alarmed by my loss of composure/coolness, followed at a more sedate pace.

The more we inspected me, the more ticks we found.

Clothes started flying off of at a rapid pace. Ticks were hiding in every nook and cranny. Apparently they like armpits.

Soon I was .... well naked. As in buck.

I was still furiously inspecting my body, when I noticed the bright police lights shining in my direction.

Oh dear god.

I flew into the car, but was too scared of my clothes, to cover myself up, so I just huddled with my arms crossed over me, as best I could in the front seat, with the cop light beaming at about a million watts into the car.

I can only imagine what our little scenario looked like. A young couple in the mountains late at night, near a parked car, the woman completely naked. The only odd part would be the fact that my boyfriend was fully clothed, and we were standing outside the car.

At any rate, he managed to talk to the cop and convince him nothing untoward was going on. In exchange for not getting written up for trespassing, and or indecent exposure, we were told to leave. Which we gladly did.

We drove the short distance home, but I was still huddled in the front seat without a stitch of clothes on, as we made our way down the city streets and stopped at all red lights.

Even in my tick panic mode, I was still worried about the best way to cover my stomach so it didn't look too flabby. Some things never change.

Back at his house, I ran from the car to the bathroom at top speeds, lest his roommate and or a passing neighbor saw my nekked self.

Another furiously long shower, and I was deemed to be tick free.

That was almost 3 years ago, and despite the episode last summer, I am actually getting better now, that I live among the little buggers on a daily basis.

Just the other day, I found one, lodged in my jugular.

I really feel like I'm improving.

After all, I only screamed once, and hyperventilated maybe twice ...

Bushwood here we come!

2008-05-10T19:16:00.001-07:00

So my husband and I did the unthinkable today. If you haven't guessed from the title already, let me back up a bit, and tell you what exactly led us to this drastic action.

The truth of the matter is, as much as we enjoy each other's company, we are actually quite lonely. Since moving to the mountains a little over two years ago, we have found that our social life has dwindled down to absolutely nothing. This is largely due to the fact that friends and family do not care to make the long windy drive to our house. We in turn are tired of driving over the hill everyday, for work, so we don't visit them all that often either.

In order to have the kind of social interaction that will keep us from becoming hermits,we need to either move back home to the big city, or make friends up here.

This is where we run into a little problem. You may not realize this, what with me being so overly free spoken in this blog, but I am extremely shy in person. I do not go out of my way to introduce myself and make friends. Never did learn that particular social grace. My husband? Is the same way. If not worse.

Here's part of the problem. This is our town. The whole town. Downtown. The mecca of where we live. Everything happens right here.

One street. Not too exciting, especially when the bulk of the stores are hardware and real estate related.

However, I can't complain too much because we have this,

and this,

practically in our backyard.

So moving is out of the question.

I guess it's time to make friends.

Given there aren't many opportunities in the immediate vicinity, in which to meet the local young population, (I mean how can we? We don't know where they hang. It's not at the grocery store, the gas station or coffee shop. Believe me. I've looked. )we chose the only option left to us.

What did we do?

Why we joined a country club of course.

Yep that's right next week we will be taking our first ever golf lesson, and swing with the best of them.

Now I have to get used to wearing plaid and saddle shoes.

I just hope I get to meet Judge Smails.

Be the ball Danny...

I think weird thoughts

2008-05-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm not paying attention- which is actually quite a lot- my brain will drift into various directions. Usually at times like this, strange and ponderous musings will pop into my head unannounced and completely unexpected. Some of which actually frighten me.

I guess it comes with the territory, being as neurotic as I am, and since this is a neurotic blog, well I'd thought I'd share some thoughts with you.

Plus I figure someone out there reading this post (Hi Michael!), might actually have an answer, thus eliminating the need for me to do any actual research into the subjects at hand. Despite the fact that I'm the queen of useless knowlege, I can in fact, be quite lazy at times.

I'll start off with the scariest first ...

What ever happened to Mr. Belevedere? As in the show. I know the man himself has long since passed away, but I really want to know why the show isn't on anymore. Even for me, this question is so out in left field, I don't know what to do with it. I have no idea why I care, but I do know that now I have a strong hankering to watch the series.

I'll admit as a kid, I enjoyed watching it when it was on, but gee whiz I haven't seen it since I was about 10 years old. And honestly? I haven't thought about it since. Until about 2 weeks ago. Then I couldn't get it out of my head. I must see Mr. Belevedere!! This just makes no logical sense.

Speaking of butler shows, I also really enjoyed Benson. Sadly this show has disappeared from the airwaves as well. Yes I realize it aired in the late 70's/early 80's, but it was a damn fine show that needs to be brought back in reruns. Benson rocked people. He was always good for a chuckle or two with his snappy comebacks.

Come to think of it, I also really liked Niles from the Nanny, and Lurch from the Addams Family. For some reason Lurch was always my favorite, even though his speaking skills were less than stellar.

Oh great, I wonder if this means I have a butler fetish?

Just what was the deal with culottes? And why are they spelled so weird? (And why, when I looked them up on Google images did I get some porn sites? Can't say I was aware that culottes were so kinky. )

Now normally I embrace new fashions. but thank god I wasn't around when this one came to style, because frankly? They are FUGLY!

And what exactly are they? Shorts? A skirt? What? I guess what bothers me the most is their indecisive nature. I have enough trouble making decisions, I don't need my clothes to be indecisive too. And just why am I writing in italics? I can't seem to get my regular font back.

Why are some banana's impossible to open? This is actually a ponderous question, I just really want to know. It just doesn't make sense, because they actually have a handle. Yet some are so resistant to being opened, that I end up squishing the top. This is turn, breaks the peel in various sections, but does not actually open it. After several increasingly frantic attempts at pulling the handle, the darn thing still won't open, and all you have is a mess of banana oooz that has leaked out, from between the cracks. So very frustrating. Not to mention unappetizing when all is said and done.

Do horses sit down? Honestly don't they get tired of standing? I know I do. I tried to recall if I've ever seen a horse relaxing, and I can't say that I have. I have however seen them laying on the ground from time to time, but ... well you know, that's never a good thing.

I know they can sit down, because I've seen them do it on TV.

Apparently they can play ping pong, chess, and talk on the phone too, but do they sit?

Seriously though, most animals do have the ability to sit down, and will do so, when they feel like it. (Can you tell I'm a bit obsessed with this? ) I've seen cows do it. Giraffes. Dogs, cats, even iguana's. So what's the deal with horses? I'm guessing all that weight they carry around can't be very good for their back, and who wants to sleep standing up? That just seems like bad designing to me.

And last but certainly not least,

Why in the world do I always feel compelled to say thank you to the cop that pulled me over and gave me a ticket? It's like I want to be rude, or ignore them, but when they hand me the ticket and ask me sign, I always say a bight and cheery Thank you! The worst part is, I can't not do it.

WTF is up with that?

Just in case you were wondering...yes I really am that neurotic

2008-04-29T16:22:00.001-07:00

You know, here I am blogging under the title of, Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something, and it just occurred to me that I may not have explained to you readers in what ways I am actually neurotic.

What if you thought I was lying? You may think my title is a farce. I mean it's not. But how do you actually know that? I would hate for you to think that I was anything but extremely honest with you, especially since today is National Honesty Day (thanks Michael). God forbid you should think I was falsely advertising. The whole thought makes me shudder.

Although if you are regular readers, you might have already surmised through some of my posts, that yes this lady is indeed a touch crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

Now then, just to put you at ease, here are some (pretty embarrassing) ways in which I am truly a neurotic nut.

Enjoy.

13 Ways In Which I am Neurotic:

1. I hate, hate, hate, mayonnaise touching my skin. If I get it on me, even just a dab, I have to immediately wash it off. It completely grosses me out. To the point where I want to hurl. Incidentally, I love mayo on my sandwiches, and since I eat sandwiches most everyday for lunch, well that's a lot of hand washing. Btw I also hate the smell.

2. I once got sick from eating Jack in the Box monster tacos. For years I could not think of Jack in the Box, or even drive past the sign, without feeling like I was going throw up.

I'm just now able to go through the drive through and order my milkshakes. Thank goodness. Because Jack in the Box? Has The. Best. Milk shakes. Ever!

3. I have a deep irrational fear of spiders, ticks and snakes.

Ticks especially will reduce me to code red panic mode, and in one instance caused me to strip naked in the park after dark. Then the police came..

4. I am extremely afraid of heights. Just thinking of a ski lift, can induce a panic attack of epic proportions. This may have something to do with the fact that my parents almost dropped me from one of those ski lift type rides that take you across amusement parks.

The fact that I don't actually remember this incident, should have no bearing on whether or not I can blame my parents.

5. I hate the wooden stick/handle thing in popsicles and ice cream bars. If I taste that nasty woodiness, it's the equivalent of running fingernails down a chalkboard for me. Ick!

6. I detest elevators. Ever since I was about 6 years old, I've been afraid that I would get stuck in one. This has made for some very interesting and often embarrassing circumstances, such as missing job interviews and appointments.

On the plus side, I get loads of exercise walking up stairs. Which isn't a bad thing. Unless of course the place I need to be is on the fifteenth floor or something. Good exercise? Yes. But I just may be passed out when I reach my destination.

Just why don't hotels have rooms on the first and second floors anyway?

7. I do not like the sound of silence. I don't mean the song. That I like. No I mean real silence. For example when I sleep, I have to have a fan on, otherwise actual silence is way too noisy. Especially since I live in the woods, as there aren't any traffic sounds outside.

On the other hand any noise not drowned out by the fan, such as eating crunchy chips, has the potential to keep me awake. Strange but, oh so true.

This particular quirk I know I can blame on my parents. Since they raised me to sleep with fans ever since I can remember. Ok, to be honest (since it is National Honesty Day), part of it is my fault too. Thanks to too many loud concerts as a teenager, I have permanent ringing in my ears, which becomes annoyingly loud when it's quiet. Strange as this is, according to my doctor, my hearing is phenomenal. In a good way that is.

8. Food. I love my food and I am absolutely neurotic about eating good meals. Bad meals put me in a grumpy mood, but a good meal ... can totally make my day. Chocolate and ice cream also have the same effect.

9. TV shows. The same principal for food applies to TV shows as well. I can get spectacularly excited about the prospect of watching one of my favorites shows. It's pretty amazing. If I'm eating a delicious meal and watching a great show, say for example ... Mary Tyler Moore ... well just call me happy with a capital H! (Yes I'm easily amused).

However I can just as easily be upset if I settle in to watch a night of wonderful programming, and a baseball, football or any other sports game comes on instead. Blurg! What is the deal with that anyway? Isn't there a specific channel for sports?

10. I have a thing for condiments and sauces of all kinds. If one equals good, then more equals so much better.

Good spaghetti for me is a handful of noodles swimming in an ocean of sauce, topped by a mountain of cheese. Yum! I order extra sauce with all my pasta's at restaurants, because the kitchen staff are just waaaaayy too stingy for my taste.

As a side note. I do not appreciate the Sauce Nazi that is now stationed at the Mongolian BBQ place in the mall. What is the deal with only doling out one scoop per sauce? Hello! I want me some flavor on my noodles!

I don't think this addition was because of my overly saucy ways. Honest!

When I have fries I usually have a variety of dipping sauces on the side. In restaurants, I have been known to ask the waiter to bring out one of each kind of sauce they had (for my fries). However, I quickly put a stop to this practice when I made this request at Chili's one night. The waiter informed me they had something like 47 different kinds, and that no he would not bring them all out for me to sample. Party pooper!

10. I can't relax properly unless the house is clean. It doesn't have to be spotless or sterile. Just picked up a bit. I try to keep the house clean and organized. However with my husband who always has multiple projects going on, this isn't always possible.

To my husband: When the house looks like a tornado went off in Home Depot ,that is not my idea of relaxing clean. I would appreciate it if you would at least pick out a place among the rubbish for me to sit. Thanks!

11. Christopher Walken scares the beejesus out of me. The man is downright spooky. His eyes, voice and mannerisms ... well everything is creepy.

Tell me, does that face not freak you out? Look at those eyes! Ack!

12. I sleep with Jesus. Well a Jesus night light that is. Not that I'm afraid of the dark or anything. HONEST!

This was actually my husband's light before we even met. I haven't asked him why someone who isn't particularly religious owns a Jesus night light, because I figure hey, to each his own right? Anyway it's fun to ask my husband 'if he turned Jesus on' before going to bed. Oh wait. Does this mean I'm going hell?

And last but certainly not least:

13. I can't eat scrambled eggs without ketchup.

I guess technically that would be part of my condiment fetish in number 10, but since ketchup and eggs is a special kind of weird all on it's own, I felt it deserved a separate category.

Or am I just being neurotic?

April showers bring...

2008-04-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. After a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Well dark, because the lights go out over here, with every gust of wind, and or wayward driver that happens to take a corner too fast and slam into either a telephone poll or a tree, thereby causing me to effectively loose track of the point I was trying to make.

Oh right.

The lights go out. A lot.

I probably should have just said that, instead of wasting all that time, explaining why they go out. But never mind what's done is done.

Anyway back to what I was really trying to say. That is, after a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Boy was it stormy. Honest to goodness. This year we had some of the worst storms I've ever seen. Keep in mind too, that I lived through one of Georgia's worst ever hurricane seasons back in 1996. Or was it 1997?

Seriously, I couldn't believe all the damage done in our mountains from winds and falling trees, and of course a boatload of rain.

Houses were smashed, rivers ran high, the streets were flooded, mudslides closed the roads, waterfalls appeared out of the blue, cascading down the mountainsides every where you turned.

Actually the waterfalls were quite cool. I love waterfalls, and to see so many of them in my neighborhood ... well I just wish I had the foresight to take a picture, because if I had done that, then I could actually be sharing those with you, instead of trying to describe the scene. Because obviously, I'm really not doing it justice. Show not tell right?

Let's just say our neighborhood looked something like this ...

Really cool huh?

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, back to the point.

After a particularly dark and stormy winter ... Do you ever find that spelling the word particularly is a particular challenge? I mean I always want to add an E in there somewhere. You know, between the L and Y? Does this happen to you too?

No? Oh. Right. Must just be me.

Alrighty then, off we go.

Now, after a particularly dark and stormy winter ...

Ah hell. What the heck was I going to say anyway? I totally forgot, what with all the craziness in my brain. It feels like my mind is making endless left and right turns without signaling properly.

I'm easily distracted today. This may in part be due to the painkillers I'm on for my back. I'm feeling kinda loopy. Not to be confused with groovy, because I definitely don't feel that today.

Though come to think of it, I'm pretty loopy and easily distracted most everyday, so I really don't have a good excuse.

I really was going somewhere with this post. Honest.

Let's try it again. After a particularly dark and stormy winter, it is with much happiness that I welcome the current spring weather.

Ahhh! I did it. I was going to talk about spring and the nice warm weather we are having.

You know, because I lack anything more interesting to talk about than the current trend in warm weather. Well, besides the Omaha Steak incident, but that's to be revealed in an upcoming post. So I won't go into it now. Stay tuned folks!

Anyhoo, since I've already come this far, I shall continue valiantly until the very end (however painful as that may be). Which could actually be now, since I am in control of everything I write, and could at any moment choose to end this post.

Right this very minute.

Like now.

Right after this last word ...

Ah shucks. I can't leave you hanging like that. That wouldn't be Kosher. Okay, what I'll do for you, if you are still reading this mess, is list the ways to tell if spring is really here.

Ready?

You know Spring is Here When ...
1. The mosquitoes return. In droves. Haunting you morning and night every time you walk out your door. Heaven forbid you should actually leave the door open to get some fresh air. If by chance you accidentally leave the door open a crack, or you simply forget to shut it while taking a nap (as I did yesterday), the whole mosquito navy will descend upon your stupidity/forgetfulness, and zoom straight inside uninvited. Thus neatly raising your chances of catching West Nile in our own home.

2. The bees are back. Everywhere. Ensuring the risk of being stung while taking out the trash, and or enjoying other outdoor activities. They are also another potential bug hazard when you leave your door open. As much as cats like to chase bugs and eat them.. understandably, this does not apply to bees. If you are like me, there will be no peace until those flying stingers are gone.

3. The raccoons take to washing their food in your pool at night, using the pool filter as a strainer.

4. The banana slugs are gone.

5. When BBQing the raccoons wait for leftovers under the deck, and insist on growling at you every time you walk over them.

6. It's warm outside. But not so hot that simply walking down the road to the mailbox will bring on a bout of heat stroke.

7. It's warm enough that you can use the pool on some days.

8. You don't want to spend time outside during certain hours because of the large bug population.
9. The birds are eating from their feeders again.

And ... The number one bestest reason you know it is spring?

10. After taking a shower, it's warm enough to go outside on the balcony and dry off in the sun!

Ahh, the joys of Spring!

Now Summer...

My First Time... Part 3. The finale.

2008-04-24T22:43:00.000-07:00

Here it is. The grand Finale.

So where did I leave us? Oh yes, we had just found a trail that led us in a circle and it was getting late. Close to the car (we think) but we still needed to get over a mountain.

Okay, here we go. After going around in a circle, we searched high and low for the rest of the trail, but for the life of us, couldn't find one in the immediate vicinity.

There was a dirt trail however, going straight up the mountain next to us. It was a little off the beaten path, but it seemed like the right way to go. Which was up.

In our wisdom, we decided to cross over through the manzanita bushes towards the dirt path. A half hour or so later, we finally reach it said dirt path.

There was one slight hitch. It was not a freakin trail. Still we decided to give it a go. Really at this point we had no choice. Oh sure, we could have stayed put and tried to get out a better way the next day. However camping wasn't an ideal option. We had no food, and hardly any water, so to try to hike around all the next day, in the heat didn't sound all that wise. Plus I still wasn't feeling all that well.

Without any other appealing options, we start climbing the sand trail straight up the mountain. We had about an hour left before dark, and from the bottom, it honestly didn't look that far to climb.

Okay seriously? The sand? Was next to impossible to climb, especially with backpacking gear. Every step you took you ended up slipping backwards about 2 feet.

Also, the mountain was densely populated with manzanita bushes. I used to like those bushes. Did you know they have very sharp branches when you walk through them?

Yeah. I didn't either.

It looked something like this...

But with a lot more bushes.

So here we are with an hour to climb the Matterhorn, slipping backwards every 2 feet in the sand, and trying to wend our way through a forest of evil bushes. This was seriously setting us back.

I'll be honest here, and say that more than once I suggested dumping our backpacks and making the best run we could for the top. We had one of those little maglight flashlights with us, so I figured if we could just get rid of the weight, we could book it to the top and hopefully find a trail, using our flashlights to guide us back to the car.

For some reason, my dear old husband did not care for this idea. I can't understand why. But since he refused, guess what? He got to carry my backpack.

Heh.

Meanwhile in true Indiana Jones fashion (I only wish I had a machete), I charged through the manzanita as fast as I could, disregarding the fact that my legs were being shredded with step.
Hubby however was more cautious with his appendages, and like a snail, slowly made his way up.

Sadly we weren't making very good progress. Almost an hour had passed and though it seemed like we had climbed for miles, the top was still very much elusive. Plenty of times we thought we were reaching the top, only to find a vast expanse of mountain appear out of nowhere.

Unbelievably, we still had about 3/4 of the mountain to go.

The time? Five til 9:00. It's almost dark, and we are trying to wade through manzanita as tall as we are. What happened to the short bushes? All of a sudden they sprang up into veritable trees. Which would have been fine, had they been spaced out, but the whole mountain was packed with manzanita side to side.

Right at this point, my husband tells me, he lost one of the water bottles. Perfect. Now we had exactly half a liter for the two of us.

Strangely enough I did not panic. I mean what can you do in these circumstances? We weren't going to make it. It was final. We had to make the best of our situation, sorry as it was.

Anyway two good things did happen. 1, we had just passed a semi flat space barley big enough to set up our tent. And 2, I had full cell phone reception! Don't think I wasn't this close to calling a rescue team to come get us.

I could wave them down with our flashlight, and we would be helicoptered out and saved. Although I don't like the idea of flying in a helicopter, and just how would we get in it? They certainly couldn't land anywhere. They would have to ...

Anyhoo, hubby didn't seem to think that was necessary, so camping it was.

We turned around and made our way back. We had to climb over a fallen tree, so I grabbed one of the branches to help me over. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, the branch snapped like the twig it wasn't and off I went tumbling down the hill.

Just in case you are wondering, I did not roll all the way down. I was thankfully, stopped a short distance away by my manzanita friends. Except for a few bruises and some more scratches to add to my collection, I wasn't seriously hurt.

In the dark, we set up our tent, and since we had no water, or food for dinner, we went straight to bed.

Unfortunately neither of us had really eaten that day, and because of the hot weather and exercise we were very dehydrated. Even though I wasn't actually panicked, I was very concerned that once we made it to the top, we still wouldn't find the right trail, and would be forced to wander around all day, with no food or water. I will admit, that I seriously considered drinking my urine. Totally gross I know, but I was in survival mode now. If we had come across a creek, I would have taken my chances with the giardia and e coli too.

Needless to say, my dizziness and rumbling stomach kept me from actually falling asleep. Which turned out to be a very good thing.

At about 11:30, something very large and probably carnivorous, started to make it way towards our tent.

Okay now it's time to panic!!

Much to my surprise, my first thought was not, "How are we going to escape"? No, it was more along the lines of, "Are you effing kidding me? After everything we had been through on this trip, this is how it ends? We are going to be dinner? Unbelievable".

My husband, who will forever be known as 'my hero', managed to make enough barking sounds to scare off whatever it was.

Do I need to mention that both of us were on high alert, awaiting future visits from it's friends and relatives?

We did not sleep at all.

At exactly 5:00, we packed up and hiked the rest of the way. Fortunately after awhile the manzanita cleared out and gave way to a real forest, with lots of room to walk in between the big pretty trees.

I did see one thing that I didn't like however, and that was mountain lion tracks. Quite close to where we camped actually.

Yeah. I think we got lucky.

It only took about 30 minutes to get to the top. And after a few false attempts, we actually find a large maintained trail. (Cue the hallelujah chorus). I nearly wept with happiness.

Especially when the trail turned out to be the one that actually led to the car!

We hightailed it back, and reached the car in record time. By this time I was shaking so hard from a combination of hunger, exhaustion, dehydration, and whatever happened to ail me the previous day. I practically collapsed into the car seat, and grabbed the nearest water bottle for life support.

Next stop? A ginormous breakfast at Carrows!

And you know what? I didn't care that I hadn't showered in 3 days, was covered in filth, that my legs were scratched up from stem to stern in a very unsightly fashion, complete with dripping blood, and that I smelled like a porta potty. We were safe, breakfast was on it's way, and we weren't headed for divorce court.

Yee Ha!

Okay next time? I'm going car camping. I hear Yosemite Valley is nice this time of year ...

Though last time, I didn't care for the nightly bear visits, which led me to lock myself in the men's room ... But that's another story...

My First Time...Part 2

2008-04-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well last I left off, we were trying to beat the dark, and make it to Azure Lake to camp, which was still some 4 miles away.

Now before I go any further, I should probably point out that my husband and his family have backpacked several times in this area. However, it was mostly when they were kids. Never the less, they all had an idea of where we were going. The only problem was, everyone's ideas were different, which led to quite a bit of confusion.

In the beginning we followed the main trail up the mountain for a quite a ways, and just as we got to the top, the trail split off into about 3 different routes. A couple on the right,and one straight ahead. However the trail we wanted should be going to the left, in the direction of the lake. Or at least where his family remembered the lake being.

From the top of our lookout we could indeed see a couple of lakes in the correct direction. However, it should be noted that the area of Desolation Wilderness has about 100 lakes. So I wasn't terribly confident of making it to the right one.

To be honest it didn't really matter to me. Any lake would do. Heck the first one we stopped at was an excellent choice I thought. Even if it was a bit windy, and all the day hikers would crowd the place up come morning. At least we knew where it was.

It wasn't until after several discussions and the trying of different trails, that we finally settled on the obvious solution. Make our own. We could see the lake right? If we just head down the mountain straight for it, we are bound to reach it eventually.

So all 12 of us troop down the side of the mountain, which was full of bushes and twigs and rocks, thorny things, and all kinds of bric a brac to stumble upon. There were a few nasty falls involving errant logs, but nothing too major, so we were able to carry on just fine. Although how you can "trip" over a log that comes up to your waist, is ... well ... honestly? It was damn funny. Once my sister in law said she fine of course.

Some of the younger kids though could not climb down the mountain and carry their backpacks at the same time, as it required some careful balancing acts. So of few of us took turns carrying their stuff. This of course meant that that we were overloaded, and were walking in a sort of stooped over fashion, like a gang of hunchbacks. I guess we made quite a site. To be honest, I'm not sure we needed 3 pounds of carrots, nor the jars of spaghetti sauce, or ... well, quite of lot of things actually. We were only staying two nights.

Eventually we reached the bottom of the mountain, which opened up to a kind of meadow/swamp area with about 27 billion mosquitoes zooming in like fighter jets ready to attack. No amount of DEET kept those buggers away. I drowned myself in the stuff, and still came away with something like 20 bites.

We tried out various trails, but eventually ended up back in the mosquito swamp when those didn't work out. As indecisive as we were, we couldn't wait too long as it was getting dark, and we were fed up with the damn mosquitoes.

The best thing we decided, as time was not on our side, was to make yet another trail of our own. This way we could just blaze directly to the lake, instead of meandering along and following trails that led the wrong way.

Right about this time, we noticed something important. My brother in law and the dog were missing. Instead of being concerned and looking for him though, we just kept going, pretty much figuring that he would find his way to the lake eventually.

Luis and Clark, we weren't, but we did manage to finally fumble our way to the lake, and yes it was the right one, about an hour later. It was pretty much dark by this time, but the moon above allowed us to see enough that we could make our way across the rocks along the shore.

As we were stumbling around trying to find a flat area, lo and behold my brother in law shows up with dog in tow. I guess he really did know where he was going after all. Not sure what exactly he did to get himself detached from the group, but oh well, he was back and that was good.

Eventually we found a place with a couple of big boulders that were flat enough on top so that we would be able to set up our tents. It wasn't ideal, but as it was approaching 10:00 at night, we really didn't care. Tomorrow we would move to a new spot. For now this was home.

We unpacked, set up the tents, and finally started to get ready to prepare dinner. As I stated before, we were in charge of the meat, and brought several frozen steaks. Considering we had packed early this morning before we left home, it was safe to say the steaks were um ... defrosted.

Oh my god, what a mess! Not only did they defrost, but the air tight packaging they were in, totally exploded due to the altitude change. Blood and juice were soaked all over every article of clothing my husband had brought. He wasn't too thrilled about having to wash all his clothes in the lake that night that's for sure.

Despite this tragedy, we had a lovely steak dinner, and seeing as it was almost midnight, went straight to bed.

I'll I can say is thank goodness bears weren't an issue. Besides the steak scented clothes, the amount of food we had stashed behind some rocks, a little ways from the tents, could have filled a grocery store. Had any creatures come to visit that night, they would have had a gourmet feast for sure. As it turned out the dog got loose in the night, and found the food, but he was quickly captured and only made away with a few Oreos.

Now, this is where things start to go bad.

The next morning I wake up early, needing to use the restroom. Well of course there are no bathrooms, so I make due the old fashioned way. Business concluded, I head back up the hill towards our tent. For some reason, I'm a feeling a bit winded, but I attribute that to being exhausted from the day before, and the high altitude change.

As I settle back into the tent, to catch a few more zzzz's, I feel a distinct rumbling in my stomach region. I try to ignore it, but it's no good. Minutes later I have to use the bathroom again, only this time it isn't the find a bush at your convenience kind. No it's grab the shovel, and dig a hole real quick I gotta go now! Kind. Ugh. Much to my dismay this continued all morning. The good news is, I probably fertilized enough land to grow crops, or at least 12 more trees. Big ones.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I was also feeling faint, weak, and somewhat nauseas too. I needed to eat, but I just couldn't stomach food.

It took about 3 miserable hours for me to be able to eat enough crackers so I didn't feel sick to my stomach anymore. I was still very weak and running to the bathroom every few minutes, so I couldn't enjoy all the fun activities everyone else was doing. Which was an enormous bummer.

I didn't know what the hell was going on with me, but I assure you, I did not want it to be happening in the middle of nowhere, with no proper bathrooms. Maybe that makes me wimpy, but god I felt like hell, and just wanted to go home.

As a result, my husband and I decided to leave that day. However, by the time we made the decision it was late afternoon, and as it was a hot day, we decided to take our time gathering our stuff, figuring even if we left around 5 we would have enough time to get to the car before dark.

Naturally I assumed we would go back the way we came. Even though we off roaded it at the end, I have a pretty good sense of direction, so I was confident that I could get us to the main trail no problem. Once on the main trail, it was all downhill, and we would be able to make it to the car pretty quickly.

My husband had other ideas. He thought it would be best to go back a different way, that presumably would be less hiking uphill. So, following some very sketchy directions from a couple of day hikers that had come out to the lake, we took off.

For anyone who isn't familiar with Desolation Wilderness, first it is absolutely stunning. Lest you get the wrong impression, had I not felt like poop, I would have loved this experience.

However, most of the trails I learned are unmaintained and there are a lot of areas of just granite slabs and boulders. The only way to know you are on the right path is to follow the stacked rocks, that hikers leave behind to indicate a trail.

The "trail" we decided to take back, was mostly unmaintained, and along enormous granite slabs. The beloved stacked rocks that I quickly learned to cherish, were few and far between. Plenty of times we would follow what we thought was the right path only to realize we had veered off in the wrong direction, and had to turn around and start over again. Obviously this wasted a lot of time. And as the minutes ticked away, I was starting to get a tad nervous about finding the car before dark.

We did have a map, and according to that, we were only about a mile or so from the car. Mind you I'm taking directions from a man who gets lost in a mall, and after so many false starts, I must admit my confidence was wavering just a bit.

Finally, we find an honest to goodness dirt trail, and happily follow it for quite a ways to ...

Absolutely nothing.

WTF? How on earth can a trail just stop? Why is it even there in the first place? It must have served a purpose. What the heck?

Eventually we noticed a bit of a "path" winding between some rocks going up the mountain, which seemed good, as we knew we had to cross over that mountain somehow to get to the car.

This so called path was about as wide as a pencil, and not only that it wound it's way up the mountain in such a fashion that you had to edge extra carefully along the cliff, which was extremely high up. If you slipped ... well you wouldn't have to worry about making it to the car before dark that's for sure. I'm sweating just writing this bit, it was that scary.

I'm pretty sure I had a mini heart attack right then, but I braved it out, by throwing down my pack for my husband to carry,(I know aren't I nice?) and walk/run as fast as I dared over the cliff edge, and on onto a more stable surface. Normally I wouldn't even attempt such a thing, given that my fear of heights is so extreme, but the way I figured it, this was my only way home.
I just wish that logic were true, so I could say the panic attack I had wasn't wasted. As it turned out that path led us in a complete circle. Arrrgh!

It's now an hour and half before dark, and we are completely clueless as to what to do next. There are no trails leading anywhere and it's too late to turn back around and start over. Oh and did I mention that we didn't bring food or any extra water, since we thought we would be driving away by now and therefore not need it? Panic was definitely setting in..

I didn't realize I was such a glutton...

2008-04-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

I saw this little test on some quiz site place, and since I'm a sucker for tests, I just couldn't pass it up.

Obviously I knew I was sinner, duh! But frankly the results were a little surprising, take a look...

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80%

Sloth: 80%

Envy: 40%

Greed: 40%

Wrath: 20

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 37%

You'll die choking on a cookie in bed.

How Sinful Are You?

So a 37% chance of going to hell huh?

I would have expected it to be quite higher actually. More like 73%. Or was that 93%?

Well anyway, I have a few things to say about this here quiz.

First of all, 0% lust?? WTF? I am here to say that is positively not true. I mean come on. I'm not dead, nor am I a nun.

Although, I bet they lust after...Oh wait never mind.

Now, I have to say I am just a little offended at this. Is this supposed lack of lust because I said I was feeling lazy and not sexy when I took the test?

Or maybe because I put that I dream of banana splits?

Well honestly you can't give me the choice of being lazy and having a banana split. Of course I'm going to pick those! Every time!

Now on to the subject of Pride. Hmmm... have to admit I was a little surprised at this one too. I mean I should have some pride in me. Somewhere. Don't I? Even just a small percentage?

I know I have some Pride actually, because I have a picture of it hanging out with it's not sinning buddy Joy. See..

So that's obviously a lie.

Moving on.

Now apparently I'm just a bit gluttonous and lazy. Seeing as they both tied at 80%! Good grief. I had no idea I was such a pig.

However it may have just a tiny bit of truth to it. I love me some good eats! That's for sure. And I have to admit that as I'm writing, I'm thinking of the chocolate pudding I'm going to have just as soon as I'm through with this post.

I may also on occasion spend just a bit too much time on the computer doing all the things that bloggers do. Plus I have been known back in the day, to park it in front of the T.V. for a few hours. Or read a book for a whole day.

So yeah I guess I do have sloth like and piggish tendencies. I can't really deny that.

I'm just a little confused by wrath though. I really didn't think I had any. The Wrath of Michele? That just doesn't sound right.

I think the numbers with lust and pride must have gotten mixed up with wrath. I am in no way a wrathful person. I don't think.
I do complain about the crazies a lot, but I don't wish them any harm. Just want them to get off the phones and stop bugging me, that's all. Honest!

Now greed and envy also tied at 40% which I find weird. Okay, envy sure I'll agree with that, I mean who isn't a little bit envious over something? Though 40% does seem a little high.

As for greed? I really am shocked that I scored so high on that. I'm really trying to figure out in what way I could possibly be greedy, and I can't think of any. But just in case let's look at a definition shall we?

Greed: excessive desire to acquire or possess more (especially more material wealth) than one needs or deserves.

You see! I knew I wasn't greedy. For one, I don't have enough money, which means I don't shop for things other than groceries. However, I can get quite worked up about buying Wheat Thins, in fact I bought four boxes just this past week.

Well anyway, I know I'm not greedy because ... Though come to think of it, I did choose to get a brand new laptop for my birthday instead of rescuing a dog...

You know what's the worst bit though? Besides finding out that I'm a greedy, gluttonous, lazy pig, with a hint of wrath, and no lust?

Knowing that I'm going to die choking on a cookie in bed.

I thought I was just going to find out what my sins were. I did think I would find out how I was going to kick the bucket. That's a little too much information. Not to mention spooky.

Now I'm scared to eat cookies in bed. I never thought I'd go that way to be honest. I thought it would be something more exotic and exciting. I hope they are chocolate chip cookies at least.

Hey! If I never eat cookies in bed again, does this mean I will live forever?

My First Time...Part 1

2008-04-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

He-He.

Did I capture your attention?

Well sorry to tell you this post isn't about That first time. Trust me that story isn't worth repeating. This post is actually about the first (and if I have my way the last) time I went backpacking.

Just in the off chance you have stumbled upon another blog of mine, yes this is sort of a re-post. However, I'm fairly certain, as no one reads the other one, that you all haven't seen this yet. I hope.

Anyhoo, the whole mess started last July. Every year it is a family tradition of my in-laws to gather up the family and take a backpacking trip right after July 4th.

Now over the years, I have heard many adventures of my in-laws going on trips and all of them involved some sort of catastrophe. Think the Vacation movies.

Broken legs, getting lost in blizzards, food poisoning etc. Needless to say I was just a touch apprehensive about this trip.

Just a touch.

Our destination was Desolation Wilderness up near Tahoe. Just the name alone, should have had huge red flags waving in my face, telling me to stay far far away.

Besides going camping with the Marx Brothers,

I had a few other reservations about this trip.

It's no secret that I'm not entirely in shape, so I was somewhat concerned about my ability to endure a long hike. Oh don't get me wrong I hike. Plenty. It's just that I don't usually do 7 miles in one day. Especially when the bulk of it is uphill. Not my strong point.

Plus I would have to carry a 30 pound pack on my back. Are you kidding me? When I tried it on in REI, I actually fell over. It was a bit embarrassing, especially since the sales lady made me march around the store and up and down the stairs for like 30 minutes, before she would let me choose a pack.

Well the day finally arrived. We had 12 of us plus one dog in our party. Now the plan was, that we all would leave early in the morning, and meet up at Camping World so we could caravan the rest of the way. If we left early enough we would easily make the 4 hour drive and have plenty of time to hike to camp before dark.

Heh.

The first problem with this is my brother in law and my husband, do not do early mornings. I'm talking rolling out of bed at 10:00 is considered the crack of dawn. To ask them to get up and on the road by 6:30 in the morning is really stretching it.

So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that we left at 9:00 and not 6:30. In our haste to catch up with the rest, naturally we got a speeding ticket.

Btw we have gotten speeding tickets for every family vacation, we have attended. Do you think we should leave earlier?

Finally we get to our meeting point and when I step out of the car, I'm hit with the hottest blast of air we've had all year.

Good god in heaven it was 108 degrees outside!! I'm not lying. If you've read my hang gliding post, you are painfully aware that I'm not one to embrace the heat.

All I could imagine was trying to hike to the camp in this weather. I was practically melting just going from the car to the restrooms. On flat land. Ugh.

Initially once we met up with everyone, we were planning to take off for Tahoe right away. It didn't quite work out that way. For one my brother in law didn't do the shopping for food before hand like he was supposed to do.

See the thing is, in order to avoid this very scenario, the night before we had sat down and given tasks to everyone. This was to make sure we brought everything we needed, and to establish that we would be able to leave the next morning hassle free thus ensuring a speedy arrival at camp. Our job was to bring the meat.

So we did. We brought several pounds of frozen steaks.

Frozen. In my husbands backpack. With his clothes. In the heat. Just save that thought for a minute won't you..

I'm not going to bore you with all the minor details of every stop we made, but it is safe to say we didn't arrive early like we planned.

In fact it was quite late. Like 4:30. And we had a 5-6 hour hike ahead of us before it got dark. At 9:00.

Once we had parked our cars in the designated area, I naturally assumed we would take off right away.

Riiiight.

Now, my husband and I actually packed all of our things into our bags before we left. I wish I could say the same for his brothers and sisters. I guess they were in a hurry too that morning, because they had decided to throw everything into the car loose, and then dump it on the ground in one great pile by their cars.

It took at least an hour to get everything sorted out and shoved into the packs. Eventually little groups of 2 or 3 would make their way up the trail to get a head start.

The plus to leaving so late however, was that it had actually cooled off to a reasonable temperature. Thank goodness. And after loading up our packs with some stray items including a very heavy bear can filled with food, my husband and I finally left in the 2nd to last group.

The first bit, was switchbacks straight up the mountain. Something pretty close to this...

I of course had to take a breather after every switch. I learned very quickly the art of resting on a rock or log, so that it will lift your pack up and give you some relief.

After about a half hour, my husband suddenly remembered he forgot the camera. Since he was a triathlete years ago, I saw no problem in suggesting that he be the one to run back to the car to fetch it, while I took a much needed break. Being the sport he is, he did just that. Ran. All the way down, and all the way back up and was back to collect me in 15 minutes. Show off.

Fast forward an hour and we have all met up at the first lake. Since it was getting late and we had little kids with us, someone suggested we stay there for the night and hike the rest of the way in the morning.

Splendid idea!! I was just rooting around for a good flat place to put up the tent, when my husband of all people started to whine about wanting to go to the other lake still some miles away. A few other people chimed in and to my horror it was decided we were going to make a run for it. This did not seem like a smart idea to me, but I wasn't about to be a spoilsport.

Good grief I've written quiet a bit haven't I? Well I'll leave you here to ponder about whether or not we will:

Get lost,
Loose some family members,
Make it camp before dark,

and ...

What's behind the story of the bloody backpack....

I think I may have pissed off Peter Tork, and possibly Micky Dolenz

2008-04-09T01:14:00.000-07:00

And let me tell you why.

When I was a just a wee little dork at age 9, my best friend Shelly and I were totally and completely in love with The Monkees.

I'm talking borderline obsession. I had every item of paraphernalia money could buy, and my room was literally wallpapered in their posters.

I watched the shows, bought every record they had, and knew all the songs by heart.

For the record I have to place blame on my elementary school for this. If we hadn't been forced to watch the tv shows before school started, I may never have been introduced to their wacky world.

To my parents, Yes this is what my private school tuition paid for. By the way, we also watched the Jetsons.

Anyhoo,

One day the big news came. The Monkees would be preforming in concert in my hometown. Oh joyous day!! Naturally Shelly and I got tickets and somehow convinced one of our parents (not sure who) to tote us to the concert.

We had a fabulous time, I'm sure. For some reason I cannot remember the actual concert as the events of the next day, must have overshadowed them.

Afterwards, my little brain got to thinking. If the Monkees played at our arena then surely they must be staying at the nearby hotel yes? So the next day, Shelly and I again convinced one of our parents (again can't remember who) to take us to the hotel.

Outfitted in the very height of fashion we were wearing the requisite Davy Jones tee shirts, and carrying one of the many books we had on them for autograph purposes.

As we walked down some hall of the hotel, a worker passed by and commented that "he's out by the pool." By he we assumed he meant Davy, since his face was plastered across our chests.

Sure enough we walk out to the pool and there he is sunbathing. I have to say, my life was absolutely complete at that moment in time. No doubt about it.

As we nervously approached our idol, he looked up from his book. Our eyes met, a slow smile spread across his face and he said....

Hmm. I don't really remember come to think of it, but it was something along the lines of "nice shirts".

Anyway he was very lovely and signed our books and off we went in search of our next conquest.

As it happened it was Peter Tork who we caught at the elevator bank carrying his laundry.

Of course we had camped out on the floor knowing that at some point one of them would come walking by. I mean they had to go to and from their rooms didn't they? By this time we had accumulated a little crowd of groupies, and as Peter came walking along, some brainiac yelled "There's Peter Tork!" Like Duh!

Peter of course looked astonished and shouted "Where?" while looking around for himself.

OH Peter you are such a character! He-He.

Hey, to a nine year old little dork that was extremely funny at the time.

Anyway we got our autographs and off we went on our merry way to find Mickey.

Now, Micky on the other hand, was way more elusive than his pals.

Lucy Ricardo I am not, and even though we actually found out the room he was staying in and knocked on the door to see him, I never managed a way to finagle myself into the room when the housekeeper answered. Perhaps I should have dressed up as a bellboy? That's what Lucy would have done huh? Damn!

Back downstairs we went to the arcade for some reason, and found Mr. Tork playing a game. Now just because he had given me his autograph moments before, this did not mean we were instant friends.

Looking back, perhaps it wasn't the best idea to go charging over to him, like a stampeding elephant, and lean half my body over the video game screen and shout" hi!" in his face.

It wasn't until I saw the flicker of annoyance pass his face, that I realized my mistake. Yes I made him loose the game.

Ah well, live and learn. Sorry Peter!

Since Micky's housekeeper wouldn't let us in the room, the damn b%$#@, I had to resort to more drastic measures.

Stalking.

That's right, word made it's way to my little ears, that he would be appearing at a local radio station. And by local I mean, oh 2 minutes from my house. I know! Way cool.

Naturally I camped out in the parking lot waiting for his arrival. Finally an inconspicuous white van drives up and there he is getting out of the car. I immediately ambushed him, and asked for his autograph. This time he signed my shirt which I still have by the way! I also got a picture of us. Which is something I had failed to do with Peter and Davy. Idiot!

After the show, Micky decided to walk about town. What did I do? Followed him of course. Everywhere. Like a dog on a leash.

He eventually caught on, and did his best to loose me.

Which he did, after awhile, but I'm pretty sure I irritated the crap out of him, with my clingy ways. After all he was with his family, trying to enjoy some peace and quiet I'm sure.

Sorry Micky!

The funny thing is I actually met Micky twice, but for the life of me I can't remember where the second time was.

Sadly the only Monkee I never met was Mike.

Which is a damn shame, since I always thought he was cool. But you know he has this hangup with being associated with the group. Oh well.

Now the unfortunate thing is, is the book that has all their autographs in it, has some somehow gotten lost over the years. I know! I can't believe it!

Perhaps one of you kind readers will come across it someday? Maybe up for auction on ebay? If by some crazy chance you do find it, let me know. It looks exactly like this..

As a reward, I will send you an original Monkee album of your choice!

Anyway, you'll know the book is mine, because Davy Jones poked a hole through the first page while trying to sign his name.

How Danny Thomas Almost Killed Me ...

2008-04-07T21:15:00.001-07:00

Well OK, it wasn't actually the actor, but the Danny Thomas party rental truck. It just sounded so much more interesting to say it was Danny Thomas don't you think?

Anyway, here's what happened.

I was driving through the park one day... oh wait, no.. I was driving through the mountains on my way home.

Normally this isn't cause for concern. However, today I was driving my husbands ~~wife killing contraption~~ car, which is always a cause for caution when I'm on the roads.

You see, his car is a stick shift.

I do not do the whole clutch, shifting gears thing. They are dangerous devices and should be outlawed!!

Ever since I was 15 and took my first driving lesson in one, I've hated them. The lesson started out innocently enough. In the beginning I did pretty good, tootling around the hills of my neighborhood having a jolly time.

At the end of the lesson however, I needed to make a stop. There I was, the first one stopped at a light to turn left.

3 miles of cars were behind me waiting their turn.

Can you guess what happened?

Yep. I stalled the car. Not once. Not twice. But 5 times! This meant all 3 miles of cars, myself included missed the light 5 times. Much honking and swearing ensued. Needless to say I was traumatized. Beyond repair. I NEVER drove a stick again.

Until ...

I married a man who insists that sticks are the only way to go. Ugh.

He's been very sweet about this phobia of mine, and even tried to teach me again how to drive his car. Which I'm proud to say I'm really good at!

Unless I need to stop.

Our first year together we took a road trip to Seattle. Since we took his car, he did most of the driving. Well one day in a fit of extreme ~~insanity~~ generosity I offered to do some of the driving so he could rest.

At the time it didn't seem like a big deal, as we were driving on a flat road going through some mountain valley.

Well, good things come to an end, and we came upon a little town with one stoplight. Of course the light turned red, just as I approached. And yes I was the first one again, with cars behind me.

Naturally I stalled the car, several times. Once ~~I stopped crying~~ we finally got going, I was immediately pulled over by a cop.

He thought I was drunk! Meekly I explained that no I haven't been drinking kind sir, I just don't know how to drive this F%$#@!* stick shift.

He let me go.

So today I'm driving his car again, because mine, the Black Beast may he rest in peace,

disintegrated while I was driving to the grocery store one day. Poor thing it held on as long as it could. It just gave a final chug as I drove across the intersection and then expired. I'm hoping someday to resurrect him, but until then it's my husbands car for me.

Okay, so I got a little off track, but you needed that background information to understand my fear of the manual transmission right? Just say yes, ok?

Anyhoo, back to Danny Thomas ...

So I'm driving home up the hill, when I approach a line of cars, led by the Danny Thomas Party Rental truck. Judging from the angry noises issuing from under the hood, that perhaps 4th gear may be just a tad high for the slow pace I was now going, I went to shift into 2nd gear. That's when all hell broke loose.

I don't know what the F%$# I did, but one thing I did NOT do was shift into 2nd. Instead, the car started to do the death chug, to combat this, I stepped on gas harder so It wouldn't stall. Uh.. Right..

Now I have to stop here and say, that I was on a hill roughly as steep as Lombard Street in San Francisco. If you are unfamiliar with that particular road, just imagine a street that goes straight up to the sky and that's Lombard.

So here I am fighting with this car to keep going and of course it stalls. Right in the middle of the road!

Naturally I panicked. I restarted and stalled. Restarted and rolled down the hill, then stalled. All the time keeping in mind that at any second a car can come whizzing around the corner as they are wont to do in the mountains, and ram right into me.

Since the hill was so steep, every time I tried again, the car would roll backwards, causing me to panic more. Finally after using the emergency brake and some fancy footwork, after the 4th attempt I got it going and made it home safe and sound.

And thank god, because if I had been hit from behind, Danny Thomas,

would have a lot to answer for!!

Raindrops on roses..

2008-04-07T17:55:00.001-07:00

I realize I haven't posted in almost a week now, but I have a good excuse. Really.

Well ... sort of.

You see, I actually have a life outside the blogosphere. Well OK, that's actually untrue, but play along with me on this one okay?

Anyhoo, One day, in a fit of energy, I accidentally unleashed something that I haven't seen or dealt with in quite awhile. Can you guess what it is?

Go on, I'll give you a minute..

Got it?

NO?

Well alright I'll show you.

But if you are of the squeamish persuasion you might want to scroll past this really quick to the next section.

OK ready? Look closely now, but be very quiet. I don't want to scare it away...

Here it is ...

Yep that's right.

I found Snoopy drawing Woodstock, while I was cleaning out the hall closet. I find him like that every few years lurking around dark dirty corners of my house. He usually resurfaces when I go on a big cleaning spree ...

What??

Gosh I can't understand why you don't believe me!

Honestly. My feelings are really hurt. I may never blog again. I bet you feel bad now don't you?

NO?

Damn!

Well alright, it is actually my inner artist. I totally thought I'd lost it. But In a rare moment I was actually able to capture a picture of it, so I could prove that it still exists. Pretty amazing huh?

If you ask nicely and promise not to laugh, I might show you what I'm working on in a future post.

In the meantime, I'll entertain you with a few ~~of my favorite~~ annoying things that have happened this past week. Some if not all may or may not have happened today.

1. When a pile of dirt loosely resembling one of your cats, comes tearing through the house, the second AFTER you have just mopped, swept, and vacuumed. And then proceeds to lie around on every available surface spreading even more muck around.

2. When your husband decides that crunchy Cheetos in the very noisy bag is the perfect snack to eat, while you are trying to take a much needed nap on the couch.

3. When you decide to make the 30 minute trek over the hill, to go to the nearest art store, only to find that 3/4 of the way there, the road is closed. Causing you to turn around, go back the way you came and all the way around the mountain resulting in an extra hour of travel time, just to get a tube of paint and a bottle of glitter.

Bonus: When you get back home, and then don't feel like working on painting, making that whole trip to the art store completely worthless.

Even better, is the fact that you could have just waited until the next day, when you would be at work, in very close proximity to said art store, and could have picked up supplies on your way home.

And last but certainly not least,

4. When one of the five cats you own decides that peeing in the appropriate places that he's gone all his life, i.e. outside or the litter box, is no longer good enough, and instead pees willy nilly wherever he damn well pleases. Including but not limited to:

Your bed 3 times, resulting in 3 different comforter washings,
Your purse,
Your car registration papers,
The stove,
And ...
Yours truly. 3 different times. Once In the face.

Bonus, when said cat has been taken to the vet to rule out medical reasons for this behavior and none is found, resulting in the terrible realization that peeing around the house is actually his choice, and now you have a very difficult behavior problem to deal with.

Even better? When a different cat gets wind of what's going on, and decides to pee all over your husbands circuit boards he's building for work.

Ah yes. Good times

Detour Ahead...

2008-04-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

As you may know, a couple of years ago I moved up to the mountains.

Unfortunately when I moved, my job didn't come with me. I wish! Since I prefer to live indoors, it is a necessity that I work.

Now in order for me to get to work, I need to travel over the hill and through the woods into the land of traffic. On a good day, Sunday for instance when the roads are clear, my drive is only about 45 minutes. With traffic however ... it could take months.

This brings up an important topic that I wish to address. Roadwork!

Please. Is it really necessary to begin working on the roadways during commute hours? Specifically at 7:30 in the morning when I happen to be making my way to work?

For the love of god! Surely you must realize that this the most hectic commute time of the day? And that by starting emergency surgery on that pothole that has been in the road for 3 years, you are not helping the traffic situation one bit.

No I can't get up earlier to make allowances for delays. I was up late last night blogging and certainly can't be bothered to get up any sooner than the I already do!

I think you will agree that as a taxpayer I am technically paying a portion of your salary. Therefore, you are in a sense working for me.

Now as your employer, I would like to look into fixing this little problem.

Perhaps you reside in a cave and haven't noticed that a large majority of people commute to work in the mornings. As there is enough congestion and road rage just getting to work on a normal day, I am somewhat mystified that roadwork would be started during this very busy time.

If this is your idea of a joke ...

I assure you, I am not amused.

Thankfully I have a solution which I think will benefit us both. It's a novel idea really. I'm surprised you haven't thought of it!

Why not start working at say, 10:00 a.m. instead? Not only will you be able to sleep in, but it will help alleviate aggression towards other commuters when ~~Idiots~~ people slow down to gawk at your bright orange trucks.

Take this morning for instance. I am normally a calm, rational person. Naturally I was shocked to find myself leaning out my window yelling, "Get a move on, you stupid asswipe!" to the car in front of me.

Yes I know orange is a pretty color! I like it too. Some of us however need to get to work TODAY and can't be bothered to slow down for the cone zone.

I mean honestly, I'm sure the workmen will kindly move out of the way as I go speeding past.

By starting at 10:00, this will allow ample time for the morning commuters to arrive at their destinations stress free and in a timely fashion.

If anyone is on the roads after 10:00, I figure they must be unemployed, and therefore surely wouldn't mind sitting in your traffic, as they have nowhere important to be.

Really it's a win win situation.

So you may not get paid for as many hours in a day as you used to. And maybe you need to take a second job in order to pay your mortgage every month. But just think how happy it will make me not to be sitting at a standstill behind miles of cars that should by all rights be moving!

Obviously I'll be thinking of you sleeping soundly in your bed, as I sail along on my way to work at 7:30 in the effing morning!!

Excuse me, your crazy is showing...

2008-03-31T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well apparently the crazies have gotten a hold of the phones again today. I'm guessing whoever's job it is to is supervise them, must have stepped out for smoke break thus leaving them unattended long enough to make phone calls.

Sensing a moment of freedom they must have all banded together through some sort of Special Secret Crazy People Network (SSCPN), and decided it would be a good idea to phone up my work and drive me insane. All in one day!

I do love my job, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I miss talking to the animals. Unlike their owners they don't talk back. All they ask is for a little love and attention.

They don't act like you should be able to read their mind, and then get mad at you when you ask a very simple but important question.

They don't call up to complain or accuse you of trying to rip them off when you try in vain to explain the reason why little fluffy who hasn't been examined in 5 years, needs to see the doctor before they prescribe any medication (yes heartworm and worm medication is a prescription), because believe it or not it's against the law not to.

They don't yell at you when the doctor is running late, or when things aren't going exactly the way they want, and then turn on the charm extra bright when the doctor walks in like nothing was the matter. Bastards.

Oops was that out loud?

In short, they aren't rude or yell or get angry. Well not intentionally anyway. Sometimes they get all freaky on you, but that's only out of fear. You really can't blame them or get mad.

Only a few times have I ever had an animal freak the fuck out on me.

A few special episodes of cats flying around the exam room teeth and claws a gleaming the second you lay a hand on them. Little feline whirling dervishes, bouncing off the walls, hissing and spitting ready to take on the unlucky soul who's job it is to capture them which would be me of course.

When they finally calm down it looks like a tornado had come by, because during their little flight of fury they somehow managed to knock over every item that wasn't bolted down, including the computer.

But before these unfortunate incidents happened I swear the cats all looked just like this,

Then there was the bunny that attempted suicide by springing off the exam table out of it's owners arms only to hit the wall with a loud thud and then fall to the floor, somewhat dazed but amazingly unharmed.

Oh and how can I forget the ginormous dog little 'ol me was trying to restrain on a treatment table when he suddenly reared up and hit me square in the jaw, hard enough to throw me against the wall and damn near giving me a concussion. The best part was that he caused the doctor to miss his target while trying to give an injection and ended up squirting me in the eye instead.

This was in the days before I wore glasses on a regular basis. And it is precisely why I won't switch to contacts. I like having my own little safety goggles and trust me I've had plenty of things squirted in my eyes (at work. I know what you're thinking) which reminds me of the time....

I was holding the back legs of another ginormous dog for an ultrasound, when he abruptly reached out and kicked me, thrusting his very dirty paws straight into my mouth. I wouldn't have been too concerned ( I know gross huh?) had I not just seen him moments before dancing in his urine.

Even then, I wouldn't have freaked out like I did, had it not been for the fact the he had a very dangerous, potentially fatal disease that can be transferred to humans. How is it transferred? By urine of course.

What did I do? Naturally I washed my mouth out with the Vodka we keep on hand for the antifreeze pets.

You know cause it's alcohol and alcohol disinfects right?

Honest. That's what they told me to do.

Incidentally pets that have antifreeze poisoning get a vodka IV for like 2 days straight. Yep they are feeling pretty good.

Then there was the time, the dog I was restraining, decided he was through with the procedure even if we weren't, and tried to leave the table, just at the precise moment the doctor was about to stick a needle in him to get a sample, but ended up biopsying my hand instead.

But my favorite by far, was a little tiny 4 pound one of these,

that had me and the male doctor I was working with backed up against the wall of the exam room absolutely terrified, because he was very definitely trying to kill us. Even at the time I had to laugh at the absurdity of it.

Ah good times.. Come to think of it I quite miss working with the little buggers, even if they are trying to kill me.

Honestly, I'd take them over the crazies any day. That says a lot don't you think?

Getting your legs wet...

2008-03-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

I've had a question rattling around in my head all week, and I need some answers. Naturally I thought of you, my faithful reader. Dare I say readers?

Perhaps you can help me figure out just what the heck was going on.

Here's what happened...

On Easter my husband and I went for a walk in the woods while we were waiting to go to my parents house for dinner.

Seeing as it was a hot day, we decided to go to another park, to get our legs wet in the creek.

The park of course was full of people having picnics and BBQing. We eventually found an empty area near the creek and proceeded to go in.

However, once we set foot in the water, we noticed something strange. Two thick white wires were attached to the shore. One tied to a tree and the other tied to some root. They were about 4 feet away from each other.

This was strange. It looked like some kind of booby trap to me. Like if we tripped the wires we would be gathered up in a net and hauled high into the trees for some cannibals to eat us for Easter dinner.

Since I didn't wish to become a main course, my thought was to leave it alone.

My husband however was more curious. He slowly lifted the first wire out of the water and stared at it in silent confusion.

Seeing as nothing major had happened to him, I decided to take a peek as well.

What I saw has left me scratching my head in wonderment.

Attached to the wire was one of these..

Not cooked, but RAW. WTF??

Looks like someone else was getting their leg wet.

The other wire held the same prize.

Well I guess if you're gonna get one leg wet, you might as well do the other.

Seriously though, why would someone do this?

Now as there were many picnics going on, I can only hope that the someone in question wasn't stupid enough to think that the cold creek water would be the perfect refrigeration system for their soon to be BBQ'd chicken.

If they were ... then well, that's just dumb with a capital D. The chicken may taste good going down, but man that Giardia they will surely contract later is bound to be a kick in the ass.

The only other plausible explanation would be that someone was fishing up the wrong river for Piranhas. However this being a California creek, and not the Amazon I kinda doubt it.

The thing is, I could sort of understand finding raw chicken floating down the creek after some child on a whim perhaps threw them in.

But these were intentionally tied to the bank so they wouldn't get lost. My only assumption is that someone was coming back later to claim them.

What the hell?

Anyone have any ideas??

I Believe I Can Fly ... Part 2

2008-03-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

Okay so last I left off, I was having a ~~heat stroke~~ great time learning how to hang glide.

Finally after learning a few other maneuvers, we got to the point where we were allowed to fly. To do this, you push yourself and the glider up a hill. Which by the way is no easy feat, especially if you are out of shape like I was. Thankfully though, the beginner’s hill is only 40 feet high.

Now the idea is you get to the top, situate yourself, make sure you are hooked in properly, balance your glider and when the wind is right, you make a run for it.

As you are running, the wind will swoop up your glider and away you go for a lovely ride.

Theoretically. This is what’s supposed to happen.

My case was slightly different. For one, I had the hardest time steering. Believe it or not, you do need to steer. It’s not just a jump off the mountain and see where the glider goes kind of thing. You really have to pay attention to what’s going on. Something I’m not always very good at.

The other problem is that the glider itself is extremely heavy. You wouldn’t think so by looking at it, seeing as it’s mostly material, and few hollow metal tubes, but it weighs roughly the same as a pile of bricks.

Of course the glider I was flying that day was something called a Condor and is the biggest glider ever made. With its giant wingspan, this thing is easily as big as a single engine plane.

Keep in mind that I am not a big person. I’m only 5’3 and at that time I weighed 30 pounds lighter than I do now. In a sense I should be perfect flying material, being small.

Sadly this wasn’t the case.

At the top of the hill when you are getting ready to go, the last thing you do is make sure you are balanced. If you aren’t balanced right and you decided to take off anyway, it can lead to a disastrous flight. Trust me on this.

Due to my smallness, balancing isn’t easy for me. It’s an almighty struggle for me to stand on a windy hill and try to balance a small plane on my back. When the wind picks up, it’s even worse because then you are thrown all over the place, and the glider, sensing wind decides to lift up without you being ready and you have to struggle really hard to finagle it back down.

This can go on for quite some time. Because of my ineptitude at a swift takeoff, I have rightly earned the nickname “Launch Potato”

Anyhoo …

Back to steering. If you don’t steer right, you crash. And that’s precisely what I did, about 152 times.

Up til now, all I had been doing was running like a maniac, in the heat (cause I hadn’t mentioned that in awhile), with a ginormous kite attached to me, and about 100 yards in, my wing would tip and I would crash into the ground.

This would have been somewhat acceptable if I had been in the air instead of running on a flat surface. However I had not yet left the ground. Ever. We were in a field. With nothing around us. Cows were grazing happily half a mile away. There was one hill on the right, and one next to our starter hill. So it looked like this….

As you run down the hill, if you don’t catch air, you continue running through the field until you either ~~collapse~~ decide to stop, or crash.

For most people, steering a glider is really very simple. If the wing tips one way, you shift your weight in the opposite direction to balance yourself out. Easy.

Except for me. I had some kind of crazy mental block. I could not, for the life of me, remember in time which way I was supposed to lean. Either that or I didn’t realize I was tipping until it was too late. How this is even possible I don’t know.

Finally on the 154^th try I actually caught air. About an inch. And I didn’t crash. Hooray! I was exhilarated to say the least. I actually flew! Yippee!

On my last run of the day, things got interesting. There I was, all balanced and ready to go. I run down the hill, and like a leaf I am magically lifted into the air.

High into the air.

As a beginner, the instructor will run with you and kind of hold on to the wires of the glider to make sure you don’t go higher than you can handle. This is reassuring.

Except I must have caught a thermal, because all of a sudden I was soaring way above my instructor’s head.

Being deathly afraid of heights you would think that I would panic at this moment right?

But you would be wrong. Surprisingly I didn’t.

I was actually having a good time. It’s a wonderful feeling, flying through the air like a bird. And I was really enjoying myself. In fact I even looked down to see how high up I was.

This was my mistake.

Down on the ground I hear yelling, and see the instructor waving both his hands frantically at me.

I’m totally clueless as to why he’s panicking. I mean I’m the one who should be afraid right? What on earth is he all worked up for?

I can’t hear what he’s saying, so I just go about my merry way with my flight, still looking around and at the ground as I go.

A word of caution.

Looking down is not good if you don’t know how to steer. You are supposed to keep your eye on your target, so you don’t get unbalanced. For most people tipping a little to the left or right is no big deal, they make the appropriate adjustments and everything is fine. For me…not so much.

Yes folks by looking down I caused my wing to dip drastically to the right. Being unaware as usual, I had failed to make the necessary adjustments in time, and I started to head directly towards the ground at a rapid pace.

This caused my wing to hit the ground at high speeds thus causing the glider to go sailing smoothly across the ground for about 50 feet, hit the mountain on the right and tip over.

Upside down.

Yes there I was lying on top of my glider flailing around like an imbecile for all to see, unable to do a damn thing about it until the instructor came to rescue me.

And the instructor?

Was walking at a sedate pace towards the wreck. One would think that he would come running over (after calling 911 of course) after such a crash to see if I was badly injured, but no, he was strolling along and laughing.

Humph!

In the end I wasn’t hurt too bad. But those knee pads they make you put on and the jeans you have to wear for protection?

Totally useless. As I was skidding along the dirt on my knees, the knee pads completely turned themselves around thus protecting the underside of my leg, this resulted in my jeans being ripped open and my knees scrapped into bloody bits.

One good thing though my boyfriend never saw the crash. HA!

Luckily that was the last flight of the day.

We interupt this program

2008-03-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh! I found out some very shocking news today!

I realize this may be a bit late, seeing as I'm in California and everyone else is hours ahead (except Hawaii of course), but something happened today while I was eating lunch that I felt you should know about.

I hope it hasn't already happened, because of course I want to be the first to tell you!

If it has then I'm sorry, but I had to take a nap after work, and unfortunately I haven't quite figured out how to post breaking news while sleeping.

Anyhoo here we go:

The setting: Lunchtime at a random bagel shop near my work.

I was just waiting for my order to be ready when a fairly normal lady came rushing in to the bagel store.

She was very agitated and saying kept saying "OMYGOD!" "OMYGOD!" over and over again, while looking around in great panic.

Naturally I became alarmed.

What could possibly have happened to have her in such an frenzied state? Did she leave her wallet or keys behind? Perhaps her child?

Maybe she just eaten there and found out she had been poisoned!

Like any concerned citizen, instead of asking if she needed help, I chose to ignore her.

Bagel in hand I'm all ready to leave, but I really have to pee (I hate that!), so I quickly make my way over towards the bathroom.

That's when IT happened.

As the lady turned to make her way out of the store, she announced loudly to everyone that:

"Hillary Clinton is going to die today!!"

I know, I can't believe it either!!

Obviously I felt you should know.

Now that I have this information, what should I do with it? Should I tell someone? (Besides you good folks of course).

Unfortunately I don't know the proper etiquette on who to alert when one finds out that the former first lady, and the current presidential candidate is going to die.

I mean I'm sure the FBI or CIA would like this information right?

Then again, seeing as how this happened at lunch time, and I'm just getting around to posting about this now approximately 8 hours later; perhaps another, more civic minded patron of the bagel shop has been a better civilian then I, and already warned the appropriate people.

I hope so because I'm hungry now and I don't feel like waiting on the phone for an hour trying to get through the CIA's phone system.

Does this mean that I'm a bad person?

*Note: We will return to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow. Good nite everybody!*

I believe I can fly...part 1

2008-03-21T19:35:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I were first dating, we did a lot of fun things.

Being outdoorsy folk, we spent most of our time,going on walks, hiking, riding our bikes, kayaking, river rafting, and taking motorcycle rides.

Ah those were the days. Good times.

As you can see we were up for doing most anything. Well anything that is, that didn't include heights.

You see I'm terribly afraid of heights. I'm talking vertigo, you can't pay me enough money to go on a ski lift afraid. And he knew this.

Therefore it was with great surprise when walking through the park one day he suggested we go hang gliding.

Question marks filled the thought bubble above my head followed by a rather large WTF!?

Ummmm... Did we just meet? Do you not remember that I hate, hate, HATE heights, and that's why when we went snowboarding over Christmas, I hauled myself and snowboard up the mountain on foot, just so I wouldn't have to take the effing lift again, cause when you actually talked me into trying it out just once, I almost passed out, got sick and threw up from fear, because the damn thing crawls along at a snails pace and kept stopping and leaving us dangling about 3 miles above ground....

Did I make my point?

No, I did not say all this to him, but I think my shocked expression conveyed the message pretty well.

I mean, why would anyone, afraid of heights or not, want to strap a giant kite to their back and go running off a mountain? This is not the 19th century anymore, we figured out how to fly. There is a wonderful invention for just that purpose called an airplane.

Despite the absurdity of the idea, we talked about this for quite awhile, and being the adventurous sort ... ahem read idiot, I decided to give it a try. The fact that we were still in that I need to impress you stage, may or may not have also been a factor.

Finally the big day came. We rolled up to the training site, which was nothing but dry dusty hills and a long field filled with cows, their natural excrement and tarantula's.

Did I mention that I don't like spiders either, especially the big hairy variety?
Oh yeah and that it was exactly 106 degrees outside?

And that we were a mile in from the road in a big dusty field, and there wasn't anything remotely wet around for miles in which, if need be, you could dunk yourself in and cool off?

No? Well that's exactly what it was like.

By the time we put our death traps, I mean hang gliders together and fitted ourselves with the height of fashion in hang gliding gear: harnesses, helmets, knee pads, and gators (to keep the weeds out of your socks and shoes), I was starting to get pretty warm.

Also for safety reasons, which I later found out wouldn't mean a damn thing, I was told to wear jeans or some other pant that would help protect your legs from the odd scrape should you happen to have a slight accident.

Jeans. In a 106 degrees. I don't know about you, but in that weather I'm usually floating around in a body of water somewhere, not wandering about in one of the hottest pants ever made.

But I digress..

One thing I found out right away about hang gliding, is that they don't let you just jump off a mountain and hope for the best. Which is good. However, this meant a lot of standing around in the heat being shown what to do. Which again is good. I'm all for hands on, but let's pick up the pace a little shall we?

Anyway our first task was running. Like a cheetah. Yep, we spent quite some time, learning that particular technique, each of us morons, having to show the instructor our own version of cheetah running one by one.

Meanwhile I'm melting. Because while I understand the need for safety with all the gear you have to wear, there is no denying that wearing said gear in 106 (let's milk it shall we) degree weather, is fantastically hot.

By this time, my clothes were a second skin. Make that a second wet, sticky skin. The helmet and harness, were starting to collect pools of sweat underneath them. Making it extremely uncomfortable and icky to walk around in.

So I did the only thing I could do. I started pouring the water from my water bottle (which I should have been drinking!) straight down my shirt. I didn't care if it dribbled down the front of my pants also, making it look like I peed myself, I just wanted to cool off damnit!

I was well past trying to impress my man at this stage. Besides you can only look so good in a helmet and harness, dripping with sweat. Although for some people I could see where this might be a turn on...

Anyhoo, my man as it turns out, was having a jolly time on the other hill, flying away. Why? Because he already had taken the class and knew how to fly. Plus he had his own glider. Hmmm...Perhaps I should have just hitched a ride with him?

I also want to say, that later I found out the classes are supposed to be canceled when the weather reaches a certain temperature. Duh! Heat stroke anyone?

Why ours wasn't I don't know. And just so you don't think I'm being a wuss, and can't stand a little heat, which is true I can't, but the class? Was 6 hours long!

Whew! Is it hot in here? I think I'll will leave you at this junction in the story, as all this talk about heat has made me want to go jump in the pool.

But tune in next time for part II.

I promise I will get to the good part about me flying and maybe, possibly landing upside down...

Fire safety 101

2008-03-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

I love living in the mountains especially my neighborhood! Not only is it beautiful we have some of the smartest people living here!

For instance as mountain folks we are all very wise when it comes to dealing with fire. Because we live in an especially fire hazardous area, one needs to take special precautions.

Therefore burning trash heaps in windy weather like today would be a no-no.

So it was with some concern when I noticed smoke and ash billowing into my yard and house this afternoon. Especially when I noticed that said smoke was coming from the house directly behind us!

Naturally I assumed their house was burning down, due to some unfortunate kitchen conflagration, or something similar in nature.

When I heard the fireman shout "Fire!" and Bad!" I knew things were serious.

OH! Those poor people I thought! How horrible to have your house burn down. I hope everyone is OK.

I decided to walk up the hill and see how things were going. I only made it halfway.

Their house wasn't on fire after all.

No. It was their yard. Why?

Because they burned their F&^%$#@ trash on a windy day!

I mean, I know it couldn't possibly be their fault, because as smart fire cautious people, they would know better than do something as stupid as that.

No, there is only one plausible explanation...

Obviously their trash spontaneously Combusted!! Imagine our poor neighbors being afflicted with this strange phenomenon for the 3rd time since we moved here. How unlucky!

I love my neighborhood!

Weirdness in the driver seat

2008-03-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

So while at work the other day, I was busy surfing.. I mean working, when I found a forum about the strangest things people have seen while driving. The usuals were there, talking on cell phones, putting on makeup etc. Reading was another biggie. (wtf?) how do you read and drive? Outrageous.

Anyway reading the comments of course brought back a couple memories of my own.

Here are some of the weird things I've seen other people do while driving around..

1. Someone eating a steak. Which isn't too terribly weird I suppose if they were eating it with their hands and gnawing at it like a caveman. You know, because they were in a hurry and steak was handier at the time than a burger.

But no this person, actually had it on a plate, driving with their knees (I assume) and cutting it up with these,

Etiquette should never be ignored folks.

2. I once saw the Too Wong Foo car driving down Melrose Ave. in Hollywood, totally decked out and complete with three men in drag hooten, hollering, and dancing.

Too funny. I wish I could've gotten a picture.

3. Last but not least, my very favorite. A person driving with an IV bag hanging from the rear view mirror. I kid you not. I'm not sure if it was actually attached to the driver but I assume it was, because why else would it be hanging there? Perhaps some sort of medicinal beverage?

Does this mean fuzzy dice are out of fashion now? Damn!

What about you guys? What are some of the weird things you have witnessed people doing while driving?

Watch out for the squirrels..

2008-03-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

Today I found a great website called Not Always Right. It's basically stories from various employees who have had a run in with the crazies.

As someone who has worked with clients for a very long time I totally appreciated this site. In some cases as we all know customers/clients can, and often do = stupid.

Whether or not this is sheer dumbness (in which case I suspect it's just a matter of time before social Darwinism catches up to them), or just a brain fart at that particular moment, we will never know, but it sure makes for some good reading. Because you know, stupidity can be hilarious at times.

Anyhoo, this got me to thinking about all the client interactions I have had over the years, and though I've encountered many folks of the lower IQ persuasion, there is one story in particular that stands out. Not because it was particularly stupid, although I guess that depends on how you look at it, but because of the sheer absurdity not to mention paranoia of this person.

I must also mention that I work at an animal hospital and as a technician I often have the job of answering client questions on the phone.

It goes like this:

Me: Thank you for calling _____________ this is Michele speaking, how can I help you?

Client: Um... Yeah... I was walking my dog in the park and I looked up at a tree, and a squirrel dropped an acorn in my eye.

Me: Uh huh...(Waiting for him to get to the part that relates to his dog)

Client: Well am I going to get rabies?

Me: (totally flabbergasted) Huh? Rabies? How so?

Client: Well, the squirrel dropped it into my eye. Will I get rabies?

Me: You want to know if you will get rabies from an acorn?

Client: The squirrel had it in his mouth, don't they carry rabies?

Me: I suppose they can, but it would be pretty unlikely especially in our area. We don't see rabies cases anymore, except maybe in bats.

Client: I was just wondering because if he had rabies, and he had the acorn in his mouth, before he dropped in on my eye, then I could get it too right?

Me: Let me ask you a question.

Client: Ok

(At this point I'm really trying hard not to laugh, and stay serious, especially since my co-workers around me have since stopped working and have been listening to the conversation with rapt interest).

Me: Sir, when the acorn hit you, were your eyes open?

Client? Ummm...I think so.

Me: Think about it, If something is falling at your face towards your eye, wouldn't you close your eyes as a natural instinct?

Client: Thoughtful silence.

At this point the call pretty much ended, with him, hopefully happy in the knowledge that he would indeed be rabies free.

I actually felt sort of sorry for him. You could tell he was really worried, and if I think about it real hard, I have to admit, I can sort of, kinda, see where his logic was coming from.

To date at least as far as I can remember, this has to be the most absurd question I have ever received. There are more absurd ones, asked to other employees, but that might be a topic for another post...

In the meantime watch out for these guys ,

And whatever you do, don't look up into trees with your eyes open..

Only slightly Looney now..

2008-03-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Yay me! I'm finally done! It only took a day and a half, but I'm finished. For now anyway. There are still some things to fix, but right now I don't care.

This whole personalizing my blog thing was a huge pain the ass, frustrating, screaming, kicking, fighting, crying.. experience. Ok. Not quite that bad, but close.

Since my changes aren't anything fancy, I wish I could say that it was easy. But it wasn't.

It should have been though. At least according to the directions I was following on how to change your background. Holy cow. No matter what I did, and I did it per the directions several times, it would not come out! I tweaked and tweaked and nothing.

The same old Blogger template sat staring back at me. Finally I got my background to appear but behind the template so you could hardly see it except about a millimeter on each side. WTF? It just didn't make sense.

It was about this time that I started entertaining the idea of throwing my laptop across the room. A thought that crossed my mind, more than half heartedly on several occasions because my new one is being shipped as we speak. HA!

So, after about 8645 attempts and tweaks I finally got blogger template to disappear, but the background?

Was white. Argh!

Still, at least It wasn't rose anymore.

Needless to say this was really getting on my nerves. If I was a drinker still, I would have looked like this I'm sure,

Even without the alcohol, I still felt like that.

I should probably point out that this project did nothing to help relations between my husband and I either. Things came to a head this morning when I asked one question too many about Photoshop.
Seriously, after the evil look he gave me, I decided to keep to myself after that. Sadly I don't think the silent treatment I issued after this incident, had any effect on him.

Prior to this we had been bickering like children. There is something about trying to learn Photoshop and html, that brought out the frustruation in both of us to WW III levels.

It was like the blind leading the blind, although in his case he should have been less blind, seeing as he has experience with programming and junk. But never mind.

After about 385 more attempts I was finally ready to stop using the practice blog and try it out on the real deal. I was so nervous, I might as well have been at the doctor. All those hours of hard work boiled down to this one crucial moment. If it didn't work I was really going to throw my computer.

Let's say a little prayer shall we..

OMG! Hallelujah! I couldn't believe it. It worked! I was so happy I broke my self imposed silent treatment towards my husband and rushed out to show him.

Victory is mine!!

And the funny thing is, it was me, the one who knew absolutely nothing about html or editing it, who finally figured the whole mess out. Ha!

I think I deserve snaps for that don't you?

Under Construction

2008-03-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

As you can see I'm trying to update the look of this blog, however I'm having some trouble. I just can't get the darn dimensions right. I have been fooling with this crap for the last 4 hours and I'm too tired to do more.

So please bear with me if this blog is sloppy looking, I promise I will get it fixed soon. Although It might not be until Saturday.

That's all and good night.

I'm a looser baby...

2008-03-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

I've been terribly remiss with my blogging duties lately, and let me tell you why.

Instead of spending my time creating witty and amusing blogs of my own, I've been spending all my time here. If you have never been there, I ask you to please take a moment and check it out. Trust me you won't be sorry. Pay particular attention to the posts under the favorites section, especially, but certainly not limited to the J.C. Penny's blog.

Johnny Virgil's blog 15 Minute Lunch has been a permanant fixture on my computer screen this past week. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the blog was forever burned into my monitor, not unlike what happened with my t.v. and a certain I Love Lucy DVD.

Lest you think I'm making this up, I can honestly assure you that I have spent 90% of my waking hours today, just reading the archives. The rest of the week was pretty much the same in between that pesky little thing called work.

I had to stop reading the blogs at work though, because my constant hysterical laughing out loud to myself was getting a little suspicious not to mention embarrassing.

Now the question is, does this make me a pathetic looser? On the one hand I'm a serious fan and enjoy good reading material anywhere I can get it. On the other, what does it say about me if I have the time to squander my whole day reading blogs?

Seriously though, check it out cause it will make you laugh.

A word of caution and I may or may not be speaking from experience, you might want to refrain from eating and/or drinking while reading his posts as some/all of what you just consumed may come flying out in a spontaneous burst of laughter. Either that or you'll choke. Either way not a good thing.

On another note...

My T.V. is still busted.

Although you may be happy to know, I certainly was anyway, that it wasn't my fault after all. It was these guys...

I know this because I heard singing the other night, while outside collecting the cats, and upon further inspection saw 3 furry bodies fleeing the scene via the electrical wire, although they may have just been scared off by the crazy guy yelling for Alvin at the top of his lungs.

For whatever reason the little buggers have taken to chewing on our electrical wires, which had been causing some weird power surges throughout the house.

What I want to know is what makes them decide that electrical wires make for good eating?

At first we thought it was my husbands fault after he wired up the generator to the house. I'm no electrician (and neither is he) but this involved turning off the power and running around the house trying to figure out which rooms were on what circuit so he could wire the generator to them. Or something like that. Whatever he did involved messing with the electricity and shortly after the power surges started.

After some research he figured out that most likely he didn't F things up and called the electric company.

At this point I have to say I was seriously impressed. They had a man at our house in less than 2 hours and the problem fixed 30 minutes after that. Not to shabby.

So while it wasn't my fault after all, it still sucks with a capitol S. For one, my husband is not a big fan of television, and is actually, although bummed about the cost of fixing the t.v, also secretly pleased that I am no longer able to annoy/distract him by watching inane reruns of _______ . (Well I can't actually say, because frankly I'm too embarrassed. Just fill in your show of choice). Therefore I have a sneaking suspicion that he is in no hurry to fix it.

On the plus side it has given me more time to read Johnny Virgil's blog and if I feel like it maybe some light housework.

However, around 11:00 pm or so, I can't take the withdrawals any longer, and end up hiding out in the bedroom watching DVD's on my computer.

Don't tell my husband though, he thinks I'm doing something constructive.

Bad mood rising

2008-03-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Well I don't know what happened to me today. I woke up in a good mood. Sort of. Well pretty much..

Feeling kinda restless, I decided to practice my Suzy Homemaker skills and make bread. Which came out all right.

Except that I had set the bread machine on 2 lb loaf and apparently it doesn't really have the capacity to make 2 lb bread. As was evident by the mound of gooey dough that is the top of the loaf.

In another stroke of genius, I decided to make dough for Mexican cinnamon rolls. I was very excited about these, as they sounded like the perfect dessert for tonight.

Since I was so excited, I immediately put the dough ingredients into the bread machine, and set my settings.

Nothing happened except a lot of squawking from the machine, which was furiously flashing some strange code.

Took out manual and proceeded to check contents for what code meant. Code not explained in the manual. Terrific.

Honestly, why do they have these codes if the book isn't going to tell you what they mean? Why I ask you? It makes no sense.

Then a thought occurred to me. Maybe, in my haste to make the rolls, it might not have been a good idea to dump the ingredients into a piping hot bread machine

So I put the contents into the fridge to let everything cool down.

Once things cooled off, I tried the process again and what do you know it worked.

With only an hour left to go on the dough cycle, I decided to lay down to rest.

Big mistake. No sooner had I fallen asleep, then the beeper went off indicating my dough was done. Ugh.

I took out my dough and noticed it didn't look right. Since I never made this recipe before I didn't think to much of it, until I tried to roll it out. Into a rectangle no less.

First of all how the hell do you roll a ball into a rectangle? Not gonna happen. Besides that though, the dough was dry and clumpy and sticking out in weird shapes along the edges.

I rolled. Nothing happened. Rolled some more. Nothing happens. Tried again and the damn dough stayed in the same shape. Tried bunching it up in a ball again to hopefully roll out flatter. (It made sense at the time). Still nothing.

Threw dough into trash and started again.

Dough is cooking ready for round two in an hour. Think I'll go watch some television.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

WTF! The t.v. doesn't work. Apparently I fried it, by watching it too much. Holy cow!

What am I going to do with my time? This can not be happening. That is the only t.v. we own. How am I going to get my daily doses of T.V. Land?

To make matters worse it was my husbands very expensive flat screen t.v., and he's been in a bad mood all day, I don't think he's pleased with me at the moment.

I think I better go hide for a few days...

The Un-domestic goddess

2008-03-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make.

See, I have this secret dream of being the perfect housewife. Kind of like the stereotypical 50's housewife.

I want so bad to have the house constantly clean (but not spend all day doing it), make gourmet meals every night (does spaghetti count) and pamper my husband so he thinks he's the luckiest man alive, (which of course he does.) I'm pretty sure..

I've always thought, once I got married, I'd be the perfect wife, kind of like June Cleaver. Come to think of it she was really annoying. Scratch that. Make that Samantha Stevens. Of course she was a witch, which gave her an advantage, but still. I totally idolize her.

Who wouldn't love to be able to twitch up whatever they wanted? Even without her powers she still managed to run the household, be a gracious hostess, take care of Tabitha, put out all the fires her trouble making family members conjured up and still keep her cool. Yes I do realize I live in a fantasy world.

And for the record Dick York was the better Darren. And don't you just love Aunt Clara and Uncle Arthur? Oh okay I'll stop.

Sadly, I've come to realize that this dream will never come true.

Apparently I'm missing the domestic gene. Or at least part of it. I'm not a total slob and I do enjoy cooking, but for some reason I fail to make this a daily routine, preferring instead to spend my time blogging. :)

Besides, do you realize how much effort it takes to be perfect 50's housewife? Take a look....

I could never follow those rules, besides being antiquated advise, (talk to your husband in low soothing tones? I didn't marry a dog. Take off his shoes and put on his slippers? What is he, helpless?), it's just too much work.

The truth is, I'm lazy. The strange thing was, I honestly thought I was a domestic goddess.

For instance, when my husband and I first moved in together, I cleaned the house, did the laundry everyday, and made meatloaf and pork chops for dinner. Life was perfect and blissful.

These days? Not so much.

I spend quite a lot of time watching t.v. actually. Preferring to fantasize about my perfect domesticity rather than live it.

Like right now, I should be doing the dishes, making chocolate chip cookies, doing the laundry, and cleaning up the bedroom. But why do that now, when I can put it off until tomorrow?

Besides Family Guy is on...

Monday ramblings, and the Princes of England

2008-03-03T10:32:00.000-08:00

Happy monday everyone! Technically it's my tuesday, but who's counting?

Anyhoo, I'm sitting here at work, and I guess I'm a little bored, cause the only excitement I have is noticing my co-workers bathroom habits. Yes it's that kind of day.

I have a new job position that requires me to sit in very close proximity to the restrooms. Not exactly pleasant, but I won't gross you out with details.

Interestingly the kitchen is right next door. This is good when I want a snack, but very bad when I'm accosted with intermingling odors from both arenas fighting for superiority.

Since I've had this new position, I've accidently begun to notice, how often some people need to take care of business.

I thought I had the worlds smallest bladder, but apparently not.

I'm beginning to get concerned about a few of the folks here, their daily treks to the water closet are reaching astronomical numbers.

Then again maybe they are bored too...

In other news....

It's come to my attention that Prince William is now being considered for war duty. This strikes me as odd.

I mean why would the British government want to send over William when they just pulled out Harry the day before?

If Harry's involment in the war was deemed too dangerous for a prince, wouldn't that also be true for his older brother, who is second in line to the throne?

Another thing is Harry's deployment was kept secret from the press, so his life would be in less danger. As soon as the story leaked he was yanked out that day.

However, the press is all abuzz about William going over on some warship, why not keep that a secret too?

Is it just me, or does this not make sense? Will he really go over? Or is this a publicity stunt? Something to make him look good, now that Harry got all the attention of being a war hero? Just speculating people...

Prince Harry comes back home

2008-02-29T15:37:00.000-08:00

Just read the article.

I have to say that was quick stint. But not surprising. I didn't think the British Government would want him fooling around with weapons and war for too long.

War is dangerous enough for regular people, put a Prince out there and it's amazing he wasn't assassinated straight away.

Still though, he fought for his country as long as he could. Good for him. (See I'm less cynical today). :)

Justine Timberlake gyrates in a speedo?

2008-02-29T15:09:00.001-08:00

Umm....

Can I just say, Ick.

Justine Timberlake? Ewww.

Speedo? Yuck.

Add the two together?

Scary.

Just my two cents..

If you are curious, you can see a snippet in the trailer for his new movie The Love Guru below...

I'm actually going to have to see this movie as it stars Mike Meyers and looks pretty funny.

Okay One More Then I'll Stop..

2008-02-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

Why am I posting again? Because I'm under the delusion that the whole world wants to read about every little thought that enters my brain. Not true? Too bad.

Anyway I've been wanting to start a post like this for while, and will post every Thursday under the appropriately titled Thursday's Temper Tantrums.

Yes folks, this post or posts as the case may be, will be about all the things that I don't like, piss me off, and/or irritate me. In a word, things I hate.

And the first post is dedicated to a furry black and white creature, commonly known as a skunk. Oh yes Pepe Le Pew I'm talking to you.

They aren't dead ones either. Sadly, these are repeat performers. The skunks in question have an obsessive affinity for perfuming our neighborhood, and sometimes our house, with their pungent aroma.

I frequently, like tonight for instance, will be sitting on the couch minding my own business when the first nauseating wave hits me. I sniff. I gag. I can't breath. Oh dear god no. Not another skunk. Oh the foulness of it all. Now we will have to move into a hotel for the night, because the smell will keep me up gasping for air.

Okay I exaggerate. A little. I will stay up gasping for air, but we won't go to a hotel. I'm not that bad, though don't think I haven't threatened to do just that when we had a skunk take up residence, and spray his lovely scent all up under the house.

That smell? Does not go away. It takes days. And I honestly almost slept in the car.

OMG I don't believe what I just did!

2008-02-28T21:08:00.000-08:00

I ran. Me. Ran. Amazing.

It all started this afternoon. My husband and I have been somewhat stir crazy lately, as we tend to find ourselves sitting at home staring at computers all day. Him working, and me fooling around on the internet. It's amazing how fast time goes, when you are sucked into the cyber world.

Anyway around 5:00 we decided to take a petite hike up the road to the boy scout camp. It's a very nice place with lovely trails along the creek and never crowded. Not actually sure we are supposed to be there, since it is a camp, but we haven't been kicked out yet.

We haven't been on a hike yet this year, and as I've gained some weight and let my body conform to the couch, I have to admit it was a bit challenging at first. I huffed and puffed all the way up the trail, which embarrassingly wasn't very steep, nevertheless it was a bit rough on me. Not so for the hubby who is an ex triathlete. Even though he hasn't competed in years, he charged on ahead without breaking a sweat, while I poked along behind, pretending that my slowness was attributed to having to stop and admire the scenery. Which it was. Sort of.

Well we got to the top and turned around to head back, and me in my infinite wisdom, decided it might be fun to run back. Hmmm...My body is not made for this sort of activity. And it certainly isn't used to heavy exercise anymore.

There I was wobbling and jiggling all the way down the trail. Notice it was downhill see how smart I am? I made it quite far actually. Even though I couldn't breath, and was sure I was going to collapse, I pressed on. Further and further I ran, and then, the road betrayed me, and started to go uphill. That's when I stopped. My poor body had been abused enough. We walked the rest of the way home.

Much to my surprise once we got home I felt great. Never been more relaxed. Started to think I might like this sort of thing. A bit of exercise is just what the doctor ordered. I'm starting a new regime tomorrow, we will run everyday, and I will loose weight and get fit, be relaxed, feel good, and...

Now? I can't freaking walk. My legs are so sore from this afternoon's stupidity.

Why the hell did I think it was a good idea to run?

Prince Harry fighting in Afghanistan?

2008-02-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

Umm....I'm not so sure. I know this sounds positively cynical, but come on people. Do you really think his royal highness is out there brandishing a machine gun (or whatever weapon they give) and fighting the front lines like the articles claim? The heir to the royal British throne? Well third on the list but still. He's a successor. Seems strange he'd be allowed to join the military to fight, what with the potential of dying and all.

Personally, I just wonder if it's all show. You know like a publicity stunt. A way to keep up his image. He has to do that once in awhile. Throw a few bones out to the public, make him look good. Dress him up in uniform, take a few pictures in Afghanistan to make it look authentic. Whatever it takes. You don't have to have seen Wag the Dog, to know how easy it is for the media to fool the public.

However, I do realize he is from Britain and not America, so maybe they have a higher sense of duty and obligation towards their country than our own government does, and actually believe it's an honor to fight for their country and risk dying.

I don't support the war, however if the Prince is out there fighting for us, then I have to hand it to him, because you can bet we would never see one of our government leaders out on the front lines fighting for America. Which is especially ironic, since they started the damn war in the first place. But I digress...

So, Prince Harry if you're out there fighting in this terrible war, and I say this will all honesty, I thank you for your bravery, and applaud your integrity!

Starbucks closing causes concern...

2008-02-27T16:33:00.001-08:00

I've been seeing this headline for 2 days now. They are closing for like 3 hours. Hardly newsworthy.

I love Starbucks as much as the next person, but I'm not going to cry into my hot chocolate over this headline.

People? Maybe you have forgotten seeing as there is a Starbucks literally on every corner, but...

THERE ARE OTHER COFFEE SHOPS. GET OVER IT.

Beverly Hillbillies...

2008-02-27T14:57:00.001-08:00

Since I just posted about what my house is like, I thought it would be fun, to show it instead of try to describe it. It really is hard to describe our taste. I understand it isn't for everyone. We tend to go overboard. I think my mother almost fainted when she first saw it. But the good news is, we are both this way, so it works out fine. Notice too, the before pictures are not of our furniture nor decor they were taken before we moved in.

Take a look... if you can get past the mess that is...

Here is the kitchen before we got to it. See how pristine, white and sterile it looks? Not unlike a hospital...Notice also the big tower in the middle of the kitchen which was a broom closet!

Here's what we did to it...Notice the bright colors? Notice too the absence of the tower? Yep my husband chopped that sucker down! Btw he did all the work himself. Very talented.

Here is the living room before. The walls are actually some kind of teal/blueish color.

This isn't the same view as the after picture, but it's the only one I have so It will have to do. One gets the general idea I think...

And here is our interpretation... Much more suitable for us. We obviously aren't traditional.

And again....

Other wall of living room with the fireplace/stove before us.....

And here's ours. A little different huh?

See what I mean? Kinda like Disneyland...

Oh give me a home....

2008-02-27T10:00:00.000-08:00

I saw this little questionnaire online somewhere and thought it would be fun to post my answers. Of course if anyone reads this blog feel free to comment with your own answers. But for now here's what I have to say....

1.Which room in your home best represents your personality?

My office/den. I designed it exactly the way I wanted it. It has shelves for all my books (as close to a library as I can get right now) and is painted hot pink and bright orange, with matching curtains, and a nice window seat. My desk is set up against the window that overlooks the trees and creek outside. Not a house in sight just nature. Very cheerful.

2.What are your neighbors like?

Not really sure as they are scary and don't talk. The woman seems nice/normal enough as I see her out in the garden a lot, but the man spends all his time holed up in a little room under the house. I suppose it's supposed to be the mountain house equivalent of a garage. And yes these are the garbage people..

3.What style of home decor suits your taste most(eg.country,modern,ect.)?

Ummm...our house doesn't have a style that you can name. At best it's adventurous/artistic and eclectic. Let's just say it's a cross between Disneyland, Tim Burton, and Alice in Wonderland. One of these days I'll have to post a picture.

4.If money were no object what 3 impractical features would you want your home to include?

A movie theater, a hot tub in a redwood circle with a deck that leads up to the master bath which would include a glass shower (actually this is something we are going to do someday), and an ice cream shop or library can't decide which.

5.What's your least favourite household chore to do?

Hands down, cleaning the bathrooms. Specifically the tub/shower and toilet. Ick!!

A funny thing happened on the way home...

2008-02-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

So my husband and I were driving home. Up our mountain road, through the rain and mudslides, and just as we reached the summit, what to our wondering eyes should appear?

Unicycles. Not one, but three.

Huh?

There are so many weird things with this picture. First of all when did unicycles come back in fashion? Sure I've seen them before, but in circuses, and parades. Not on the streets, and certainly not on a mountain road. This particular road I might add is extremely narrow, curvy and uphill. It's a rare site to see a bicycle attempting it and every time I see one, I think how crazy they are. Heck, It's hard enough to chug a car up it, plus it's so narrow, two cars side by side barely fit. So how a unicyclist managed to work their way up is beyond me. I am seriously impressed.

Wow. A quick hop over to Wikipedia, just taught me there is a whole new world I was unaware of. The unicycle world.

Apparently unicycles are very popular. There are even conventions for them. They come in various styles depending on which terrain you ride, and there is even something termed a MUni, which is short for mountain unicycling. You can actually go off road like a mountain biker would. Who knew?

There it is folks a mountain unicycle. Not just for circuses anymore.

Severe Weather Alerts...

2008-02-24T10:49:00.000-08:00

We have been having some bad weather out here in California, and I have to admit that storms and I dont' mix very well. My anxiety meter goes into overdrive and I start hyperventalating at the thought of a strong gust of wind. I'm okay with regular rainy weather, maybe some hail, a few strong downpours, no problem.

The anxiety starts when the storm warnings are issued. Mainly the high wind warnings. This, I'm sure stems from when I lived in Georgia during the one year they had a record hurricane season (we managed to cover the alphabet once and had to start over).

Being a California girl, I was not used to extreme weather, nor was I familar with winds so strong, that they blew roofs off shopping centers, fliped airplanes over at the local airport, and reduced the trees into a pile of firewoood right before your eyes.

I spent that whole year glued to the weather channel, and if there was a tornado warning, no rest or peace was had until it was gone. I lived in constant fear of a tornado, sweeping the house away, with me in it, a la Dorthey in the Wizard of Oz.

It is without sadness, that I left Georgia after one year, and despite the unusually active hurricane weather, I'm pleased to report that we had no tornadoes.

Which brings me to the present. I'm back in California, but now I live in the mountains. Bad weather in the mountains is none too pleasant, at least for someone like me. Once again, I'm glued to the weather channel watching every alert, but this time the alerts are flood and high wind warnings, road coslures and fallen trees.

Flooding, I don't personally have to worry about too much. Property wise that is. I have a creek in my backyard, but my house is on stilts high up on the hill, so if the creek gets high enough to flood, that's not really an issue, as our house would have slid down the mountain and floated away long before the water level reached it.

No, It's not the flooding that scares me. It's high winds, falling trees and sometimes, landslides. We actually had a landslide on our property the first year, as half of our upper mountain slithered down, and threatened to take over our propane tank. Since we like heat, hot water and the ability to cook, we decided it best to have the tank moved. This resulted in a huge battle with our propane service, but eventually, we got our way. Since it will cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 to put up a retaining wall, we now totally ignore the crumbling mountain as it tries to annex the carport.

Just a quick note to the propane company: If you schedule for our tank to be moved after it has been emptied, because propane is a heavy gas, please do not send out a crew member to fill it back up the day before the moving of the tank was to take place, thus rendering it too heavy to move. Sounds simple doesn't it? Well this happened not only once, but three times!

Anyway, It's the trees that scare me the most coupled with high winds. Because I basically live in a forest, there are plenty of trees that can come down on my house and this is a major stress for me. On stormy nights like last night, I lie awake in fear of a redwood crashing through the roof, while my husband snores peacefully without a care in the world.

This may seem neurotic to some, and in a sense it is, but it's also a very real possiblity. When the ground is saturated and the winds are high, the trees go down. Redwoods being the biggest trees, may look sturdy, but their roots are actually not very deep, thus in my opinion making them strong candidates for toppling over. The mear thought of which reduces me to a quivering pool of nerves at every little noise, and offering silent prayers of survival to any deity who will listen. So far it seems to be working. :) Although, I have to say, of all the trees that do fall, I've yet to see a redwood go down. Needless to say, It still scares the crap out of me.

As much as I love living with nature (In the summer, spring and fall), it's times like this when I long to live in a city of sturdy cement buildings, and puny little trees. A place where no matter what the weather is you can feel secure that the house you live in, will stay standing and continue to provide a roof over your head.

That is unless there is an earthquake...

The thrill of the ride

2008-02-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

With the recent bout of nicer weather lately, there is no denying it's almost that time of year again. Time to push the bike out of hibernation and start that baby up.

Yes folks, riding weather is almost here. Yipee! There is something about a sunny day in the mountains that brings the bikes out in droves. They far outnumber the cars, and you can see groups of 20 or 30 of them hanging out at gas stations, overlooks, and restaurants. It's a beautiful site.

My husband and I love to ride, and the best places to go are the mountains. The roads are fun, relatively free of cars, and the scenery is exquisite.

Since we have had (not the last few days though) nice weather, we took out the beast for it's first ride of the year. And let me tell you it was sooo much fun. It was a small ride, just a couple hours exploring the mountains in our area, but it was awesome to be out again! I'd forgotten how much fun it was.

There is something about the trill of riding on a motorcycle that beats regular car traveling. Even though we travel the same roads, being on the bike gives it a whole new experience, it feels faster, you can feel the wind rushing past you in varying temperatures, the world around you seems brighter, and the smells. You can smell everything. From the various scents of nature to someone doing the laundry. Although sometimes the smells are not so pleasant (I'm thinking port a potties, skunks, and car exhaust), but it's worth every sniff.

One of my favorite riding trips (I have many) was when we took the bike from home (California) to Orcas Island, Washington. If you don't know where that is, it's pretty much in Canada.

Being able to sit on the bike for many hours at a time took some getting used to. As obviously your body is not designed to straddle an object for long periods. (get your mind out of the gutter :) ).

At first I could only go 30 miles until I needed to get off and stretch. Those first few days, I honestly thought I'd never be able to sit again. Eventually, though you get used to it, and now I can last quite a while (yeah me).

Once I was able to sit for awhile, I really began to enjoy it. It is such a free feeling zipping along the roads without a care. Even though the high winds on the coast had me praying to every deity in existence, and the biting freezing cold weather that seeps into your bones (it was summer), had me shivering uncontrollably, I wouldn't change the experience for anything. It was absolutely awesome.

A lot of people pooh pooh riding because it's dangerous, and don't get me wrong it is, but so are a lot of things. And honestly, I'd rather, experience the thrill and magic of a wonderful ride then worry about something you can't control.

When I'm on the bike, my problems disappear, and I enjoy the moment for what it is. It really is a natural high, and at that point, it seems as if anything is possible.

This is the bike we have. A BMW Dakar F650. This particular picture is not ours though. I found it on Flicker and saw it was available for download so I did. (Thank you!)

Wal Mart to offer Medical Services?

2008-02-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

It's true I just read an article saying that Wal Mart plans to put walk-in medical clinics in their stores. That's right pretty soon, you can get your very own Mc-checkup at your nearest Wal Mart location.

Hmm... I don't know what to think about this. For me it's kind of a scary thought. I mean going to the doctor while shopping at Wal Mart? A store that is known for their cheap products and shifty labor conditions. It just doesn't sound right. I'm afraid the medical services they offer would equal that of their products, i.e. low quality. Although I do frequent the store myself, because I'm not above buying low quality rugs for my bathroom etc. I just don't want to compromise my health care. Apparently Wal Mart is affiliated with certain hospitals, but still you have to wonder about the medical professional who feels it's ok to offer their services at a discount store.

On the other hand I suppose this could be a good thing. Especially if their services are cheap/affordable (but still of good quality), then it might be nice for the people who don't have medical insurance or even the elderly. Especially when getting around may be a problem and they could shop for their weekly needs and get a checkup at the same place. If one had to choose between not being able to afford regular medical care and a Wal Mart clinic who's services were within your budget, than I could see where that would work out.

Still it's a strange world we live in, when you can pick up kitty litter and get your bladder infection checked out all at the same store.

Very strange indeed.

Be Still My Beating Heart ... Indiana Jones is Back!!

2008-02-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

The other day my hubby and I went to see The Spiderwick Chronicles. Very cool movie by the way.

Anyway, while the previews were rolling, I was doing my usual ritual of situating my food stuff, eating popcorn, and unpacking my peanut butter cups for quick, easy access, (a very important task I'll have you know), when all of a sudden I heard the familiar strains of a song that has been very close to my heart since childhood. Da da da DA! My head popped up like a spring, popcorn frozen halfway to my mouth, images of the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Convenant flashed on the screen. I knew those images. They were ... Indiana Jones! I'm telling you I almost peed my pants with excitement. Yes, I was watching the preview for the new movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull coming May 22nd to a theater near you!

Oh praise the Hollywood gods that be! This is such a joyous occasion. I have loved these movies ever since Raiders of the Lost Ark first came out, and I was just an impressionable little tyke. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, I wouldn't have been introduced to the exciting world of treasure hunting (haven't found any yet), finding old bones(found lots of those), etc. And I can proudly say that because of Indiana, my first profession of choice was archeology with a slight hint of paleontology. The subject is still dear and exciting to me, but I realized early on that this particular science, really wasn't a good career choice if one wants to a. make money and b. have a family (what with all the traveling to dig sites). Besides, I don't like hot weather, and every picture I have ever seen of an archaeologist depicts them sitting in the sweltering sun, digging at the dry dusty ground with a toothpick for hours on end, and maybe finding a small shard of bone or sharks tooth. Nope not for me. However that hasn't stopped me from spending many an hour exploring beaches (I was into pirates too), forests etc. in search of exciting treasures, artifacts, trinkets what have you. Which I know, makes me a big dork with a capital D. Nevertheless, this little quirk of mine, was what actually got me a first date with my now husband. But that is a story for another time.

The hours I spent imagining myself on Indiana Jones type adventures were numerous. As a child I used to swing from the swing sets, theme music playing in my head, envisioning that I was swinging through the jungles of the Amazon, with my enemies in hot pursuit, ala Indiana style. Ah, the days of youth. So pure and innocent.

It goes without saying that I am beyond excited to see this new movie (I heart you Indiana)! And I have high expectations for this next installment(I know you won't let me down). I will be there May 22nd front row and center you can count on that. Until then, I will appease my anticipation, by watching the cinematic greats Raiders, Temple of Doom, and the best of all, The Last Crusade.

Right now though, I'm off to unpack my bullwhip, dust off my fedora, and put on my leather jacket, watch out world, my inner-explorer has been unleashed!

Keyboard, garbage, and stinky neighbors?

2008-02-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to report that my keyboard situation is much better. Hooray! Yes I am getting used to the flatness. The flatness and I are now one. Good. Maybe I can finally throw away the box now.

My garbage situation however, has not improved. It is now going on three weeks without recycling or yard waste bins. Not sure what went wrong. Whether or not the neighbors snagged them, or the garbage company just forgot us. Did finally call them and they promised to send the bins out on Monday. Hmmm... Well see.

Talking about trash reminds me of my neighbors. Because honestly, the two years I have lived here, they have not put their garbage out once! I shudder to think of what they are doing with their refuse, but it definitely isn't making it to the curb every Thursday. Since I live in the mountains, it is not uncommon for people to burn their trash. However, this cannot be the case for our neighbors, for a couple of reasons, 1. You can only burn during certain times of the year, (obviously). If they did burn their trash surly there would be a mountain of it stinking up the yard during the months you can't burn right? But there isn't. And 2. the one time they did burn (whether or not it was trash I don't know) they started a fire and the fire department had to come and put it out. Not very comforting when living next door to these folks, especially since the other fire we had in the neighborhood was next door to them and they work at the fire department! Being a fireman, one would think that he would know better than to put ashes (that had not cooled off) from the fireplace into a bag and then set it in the yard. Imagine his embarrassment when needing to call the fire department to put out the fire. Wonder if he still works there?

Back to the neighbors. If they don't burn their trash, and don't put it out for collection, what the hell are they doing with it? Living with it? Is the house littered with reeking rubbish? If so, shouldn't we smell it when walking past their abode? And since they aren't the nicest folks in town, what with the fact that whenever I try to say hi to the weird scary mountain man who prefers to live under the house instead of in it, he never acknowledges my presence verbally, but instead, just stares in a very creepy sort of way, well, I'm sort of hesitant to ask.

It's all very strange and puzzling, but I think the important thing to address here is, why do I even care?

The good ol days

2008-02-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

What happened to Hollywood? Remember the days when Hollywood was prestigious and glamorous? No? Well neither do I actually, but I wish I did. You see I have long felt that I was born in the wrong decade. Especially when it comes to movies and t.v.
Now, don't get me wrong I'm actually glad I was born when I was, because well hey, I'm still alive. But when it comes to entertainment, I have always preferred the classics. Which makes me feel a little like a freak in this day and age of reality t.v., and huge mega blockbusters. Blind Date or I Love Lucy? LUCY please!

Just for the record, I do like the modern stuff. There are lots of shows and movies I love and own. (I heart you Frasier!!!) And while I'm on the subject of television, what ever happened to good ol fashioned sitcoms? (Am I watching the wrong channels?) Why has reality tv taken over? I know I'm kind of out of the loop, but I just don't understand the appeal. I want to see fantasy, comedy, not people thrown together on a desert island to see who will cheat on their spouses. Unless of course it's Gilligan's Island. (Mr. Howell didn't cheat on Luvvy with Ginger or Mary Ann).

My obsession with the old days, has been a source of much frustration when it's time to pick a movie to watch with my husband. While he would rather watch dark drama, I want to see comedy classics with Bob Hope. (Although he has introduced me to the world of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp for which I'm grateful.) Going to the video store is a major time consuming chore as we stand staring a hundreds of movies trying to find just one we can both agree on. On the plus side he can now recognize songs from My Fair Lady and put names to the faces of such greats as Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. I'm so proud!

But seriously, my problem is this. The classics of yesteryear were simple and fun. Good old fashioned entertainment. With crazy comedy antics and romantic love stories. The actors were fully clothed and sex scenes were non existent. Sure they alluded to sex, but you never saw it. And that's ok. Why? Because it's part of the thrill. The anticipation of whether or not they will get it on. It leaves a bit of mystery. Sure you want them to get together but you don't want to actually see it. Audrey Hepburn or Cary Grant wouldn't never flash their unmentionables on camera. (Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information folks.)
They were role models. Glamorous, exciting, suave and classy. Does anyone really want to see June and Ward Cleaver getting busy between the sheets? No. So why should it change for today? I know I'm sounding like the biggest prude, and someone who might be actually 83 instead of 33 years old, but I have a feeling I may not be the only one out there who thinks the same way especially women.

If anybody actually reads this blog, (Ha!) I may get some shit for this, but I'm going to say it anyway. (since no one going to read it :) )

The entertainment business? Is way out of control. At what point did it become ok to to bring the red light district into our adverage television and movie consumption. Not exactly hard core, but some of the content on these programs borders on soft porn. Sex sells. Yes it does. But other things do too, and honestly can't we tone it down a notch? If I wanted to see nudity and porn well I can just log on to the internet or buy a movie. It should be a choice, not mandatory viewing every time you watch a movie or t.v. show. Are Victoria's Secret commercials with pencil thin models simpering around in skimpy bras and panties really necessary? Save it for the catalogs. I don't need to have those aneroxic trophies on my television while I'm trying to watch some decent programming and eat my caloric infused pizza. Mmmmmm. Yummy. (Had to throw that in) Do we really need to see all the naughty bits of every actress who stares in a movie these days? And if so, what about a little equality? Why are there always only butt shots of men, and yet it's perfectly ok to show women fully exposed? If we have to watch it, give the women something to look at too. And what about children? They are being exposed to this also. Kids watch movies and television just like the rest of us (duh), and no it isn't always between the hours of 6am and 10 am. when the cartoons are on. They watch it at night too, and even when you are watching a fairly benign station like TBS which shows mostly reruns of older shows, you are still bombarded with commercials for sex lubricant, condoms, and yes those dreaded VS models. I haven't even touched on what it does to the self esteem of women. (eating disorders anyone?) Who are primarly shown as sex objects and as an image of beauty that besides being physically unattainable by 95 % of the population (Marilyn was size 12 people!), it is downright impossible without the aid of airbrushing, and Furthermore! ... Well you know what I'm getting it, and I'm running off on a separate tangent, so I'll stop. My point? The classics were pure and fun. Let's have some of that back.

Please Hollywood show a little decency and respect. Leave a little mystery and anticipation. It gives our minds something to think about, and that is actually a very powerful tool.

End of sermon.

Keyboard update

2008-02-11T12:39:00.000-08:00

It's too flat. It now takes me 3 times a long to type as my fingers keep traveling to the wrong keys, because I can't bloody feel them properly. However, my cat is now able to type much faster as he can now easily lay is fat body across the board and push all the buttons at once.

Oh and that special way cool button that I so much admired? Doesn't work. Apparently it only works with the newer operating systems which of course I don't have. Grrrrrr!

Why do you hate us?

2008-02-11T12:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Department of Sanitation,

I would like to know why you saw fit, to take away our recycle and yard waste bins? What is something we did? Since this event has occurred two weeks ago, we have been without a proper way to dispose of our recyclables and Christmas tree. I do however want to thank you for the very shiny new garbage can we received last Thursday. I have to admit that after the stunt you pulled with the other bins, I was hesitant to put out my trash for pickup this past week, especially when I saw that it too had disappeared. Bastards! I thought. But then had to retract my curses when I saw the nice shiny new gray bin arrive in it's place a hour later. So thank you again. Even though the new one isn't as big as the previous brown one, I'm sure you have special reasons for that decision, that are unrelated to the fact that you could make more money from us, if we needed to purchase a bigger can in order to fit in all our damn garbage! But I digress, like I said, we have no way to dispose of our waste in an earth friendly matter such as was the original intent of the recycling plan. Because of this we are forced to fill up our tiny trash bin (thank you again :) ), even faster than usual because the recycling is very bulky. As a result, the garbage in the house is over flowing at an alarming rate, and I fear a possible cockroach or worse rodent infestation. Please, in all that is sanitary what are you going to do to put my fears at ease? And the trash in it's proper place?

Sincerely,

Michele (Loyal customer since March 2006)

Adventures in keyboard shopping

2008-02-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

So this past week, my husband has taken it upon himself, (I'm not complaining) to update my computers. (one Mac laptop and a PC desktop which can be hooked up to work together. I like the bigger screen on my desktop computer). Anyway, after finishing this task, I decided I needed new accessories to go with my now fancy updated equipment. My last item to be purchased to make my desk complete was a new keyboard. Pretty standard.

Our adventure started out when my husband and I made the trek to the closest Apple store, because they usually have pretty accessories. Think color. Upon entering the store I found that they only have 3 kinds of keyboards. The newest one, was on prominent display at every computer terminal. The prices were reasonable, about $50 which is good as we are trying to make an effort to cut back on our spending. The problem? It's flat. I mean really flat. I know this is the new style, but I'm just not used to not being able to feel the keys as I type. Call me old fashioned, but that's the way I am. The other issue was they didn't have any pretty colors. (note to Apple computer, this is a very good idea). What happened to the cool clear ones, that had color around the edges? In case you haven't noticed, I like color, and my room reflects this part of my personality disorder, I mean trait, as the first thing you notice are the bright orange and hot pink walls. Not the paint choices for everyone I know, but I like a nice cherry warm feel to my rooms. Needless to say I was less than enthused with Apple's choices. So we had no choice but to go to Fry's, the closest store that has computer accessories.

First I have to mention that most of the time I loathe going to Fry's especially with my husband. (This is also true for any computer/hardware store. Home Depot anyone? ) Why? Because he can stay in that store for hours looking at various gadgets and electronic toys, all of which he doesn't actually need, while I trail along, trying unsuccessfully to stear him towards the checkout line. So, even though I really wanted a cool new keyboard I was very hesitant to go. Finally after much deliberation (and lunch) I agreed. This is what happened...

Fry's Electronics Parking Lot:

Me: Okay so we are just going in to see if they have a cool keyboard right?

Hubby: Yes.

Me: There isn't anything else you want or need?

Hubby: Nope.

Me: That means we can go straight in and get the keyboard and leave right?

Hubby: Absolutely.

Me: Okay let's do this.

We walk into the store with me leading the way, like I know exactly where to the keyboard section is, but in actual reality, do not have a clue. We are walking down the main isle when a pretty pink display catches my eye. Stop to admire nice pretty computer accessories, including, can it be? A pink laptop? Oh I have to have one of those, that is too cool. Inspect laptop. Hmmm. Not actually pink, just display background reflecting on shiny metal . Well that's actually a good thing. We shouldn't be spending hundreds of dollars on stuff we don't actually need. Crisis adverted. Move on to next aisle. Yes this looks like the right area, I'm sure the keyboards are down here... OH WOW! Look at that pink leopard print mouse! I didn't know they made cool designs like that. Oh and look at that one with the flowers..

Me: (pointing eagerly at mouse) "Honey? Can I get that pink leopard print mouse"?

Hubby: "You have a pink mouse at home that you just bought two days ago".

Me: "Oh". ( whoops I forgot about that) "But that one is just plain pink, look how cool this is".

Hubby: "Very cool. But you don't need it, and it won't work with your computer".

Me: "Why not"?

Hubby: "Cause it's not wireless".

Me: (So?) "Okay fine".

Stare wistfully at mouse that I will never ever own, because of mean husband. After a few moments, turn attention back to task at hand. Keyboards. Ick. All the keyboards are black. What is the deal with black anyway? They have 35 different styles and all are black. These are way to ugly to be displayed in my room. There must be something else.

Hubby: "Hey they have the Mac keyboard here and it's 3 dollars cheaper".

Me: "I'm not sure about that one, it's too flat".

Hubby: "Well which one do you want"?

Me: "None they're all ugly. Let's go". I turn and make for the exit.

Hubby: " Are you sure? What about this one"?

Hubby holds up different keyboard that I somehow passed over, which is amazingly not in black.

Me: " Hmmm..." Inspect keyboard. "Yeah, this is kinda cool, let's get it".

Hubby: (Frowning as he scrutinizes keyboard) "No this one won't work, it doesn't have the blah, blah, blah".

Me: "Okay".

At this point I go back to the Mac keyboard which is the only decent looking one, and reconsider it's flatness. The problem is I'm too lazy to go to another store and really this the only one that isn't totally dorky looking. I'm sure the other stores will just have a bunch of the same stuff. Plus It has that nifty little button on it, that will allow me to bring up my dashboard instantly. Way cool.

Me: "Okay I'll get the Mac one".

Hubby: "Are you positive"?

Me: "Yes". Have sudden feeling that will be experiencing buyers remorse later tonight.

Finally we are walking toward the checkout. By way of the CD aisle. Try to take secret glances at CD's as we walk, because I could really use some new music. Just lingering ever so slightly at the soundtrack section when hubby draws my attention by asking if we should get a dance pad for our Wii. Now there's a thought. That would be cool. I could get my jam on, and use it as a form of exercise all while playing a game. Okay let's get one. We make our way to the Wii section where I locate the nearest employee who looks to be all of 13 years old.

Me: "Excuse me?"

13 yr old turns and stares.

Me: "Is there a dance pad for the Wii"?

13 yr old: "Yes".

Stare expectantly waiting for him to show me where it is. Blank stares from 13 yr old.

Me: "Ummm.. Do you have it"?

13 yr old wanders over to display two feet away and hands me box.

Me: "Thank you"!

13 yr old, still staring like a deer in the headlights. Okay, he's a little weird. Why doesn't he say something, or move on and do some work? Whatever. Take dance pad and show to hubby, and make to leave the Wii section, at which point I exclaim loudly while pushing 13 yr old to the side,

"Oh look they have Bomberman"!! I love that game, we have to get it".

Hubby: "It looks lame".

Me: "Are you kidding? This was the coolest game, next to Zelda of course. This isn't the original game, but I'm sure it's loads of fun".

Hubby: "Still think it looks stupid".

Me: "Ha! Just wait til you play it mister".

Just in case though, decide to look at back description again. Wow, it does look kinda lame. No real adventure game with cool worlds and levels, just a bunch of mini games. Rats. I put game back sadly, but grab Pirates of the Caribbean to make up for it. Lucky me, Pirates passes with hubby, so I get to keep it. Ha!

Hubby: "What about Lara Croft? This looks fun".

Stealthily pull Ratatouille off shelf and secretly place it in stack under Pirates. Feign interest in Lara Croft for a minute, while hubby looks at more games. Hand it back saying if he wants it we can get it. Turn back to study games again, when hubby pointing to my stack of games asks,

"What have you got there"?

Me: "Nothing". I Turn away so he can't get to my stash.

Hubby: "Seriously what game is that"? He grabs for the games, but I squirt away triumphantly. "Did you put Bomberman in there"?

Me: "Noooo".

Hubby: "Well what is it"?

Reluctantly I hold up Ratatouille. A small disagreement ensues, but he agrees to get it. Score! After spending ages more looking over games we decide to claim our purchases and actually make it to the checkout. When the cashier announces our total of $230, I'm slightly shocked.

Me: "You know, we should have bought that keyboard at the Apple store".

Hubby: "Why is that"?

Me: "Because it would have saved us money".

Hubby? "What are you talking about, it was cheaper here, we saved three dollars".

Yeah, our 15 minute shopping spree for a $50 keyboard turned into an hour and a half and we spent $180 extra. This folks, is why we should never ever shop together. Neither on of us has control and we both get distracted easily. Lesson learned? Probably not.