Excuse me, your crazy is showing...

Well apparently the crazies have gotten a hold of the phones again today. I'm guessing whoever's job it is to is supervise them, must have stepped out for smoke break thus leaving them unattended long enough to make phone calls.

Sensing a moment of freedom they must have all banded together through some sort of Special Secret Crazy People Network (SSCPN), and decided it would be a good idea to phone up my work and drive me insane. All in one day!

I do love my job, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I miss talking to the animals. Unlike their owners they don't talk back. All they ask is for a little love and attention.

They don't act like you should be able to read their mind, and then get mad at you when you ask a very simple but important question.

They don't call up to complain or accuse you of trying to rip them off when you try in vain to explain the reason why little fluffy who hasn't been examined in 5 years, needs to see the doctor before they prescribe any medication (yes heartworm and worm medication is a prescription), because believe it or not it's against the law not to.

They don't yell at you when the doctor is running late, or when things aren't going exactly the way they want, and then turn on the charm extra bright when the doctor walks in like nothing was the matter. Bastards.

Oops was that out loud?


In short, they aren't rude or yell or get angry. Well not intentionally anyway. Sometimes they get all freaky on you, but that's only out of fear. You really can't blame them or get mad.

Only a few times have I ever had an animal freak the fuck out on me.

A few special episodes of cats flying around the exam room teeth and claws a gleaming the second you lay a hand on them. Little feline whirling dervishes, bouncing off the walls, hissing and spitting ready to take on the unlucky soul who's job it is to capture them which would be me of course.


When they finally calm down it looks like a tornado had come by, because during their little flight of fury they somehow managed to knock over every item that wasn't bolted down, including the computer.

But before these unfortunate incidents happened I swear the cats all looked just like this,



Then there was the bunny that attempted suicide by springing off the exam table out of it's owners arms only to hit the wall with a loud thud and then fall to the floor, somewhat dazed but amazingly unharmed.

Oh and how can I forget the ginormous dog little 'ol me was trying to restrain on a treatment table when he suddenly reared up and hit me square in the jaw, hard enough to throw me against the wall and damn near giving me a concussion. The best part was that he caused the doctor to miss his target while trying to give an injection and ended up squirting me in the eye instead.

This was in the days before I wore glasses on a regular basis. And it is precisely why I won't switch to contacts. I like having my own little safety goggles and trust me I've had plenty of things squirted in my eyes (at work. I know what you're thinking) which reminds me of the time....

I was holding the back legs of another ginormous dog for an ultrasound, when he abruptly reached out and kicked me, thrusting his very dirty paws straight into my mouth. I wouldn't have been too concerned ( I know gross huh?) had I not just seen him moments before dancing in his urine.

Even then, I wouldn't have freaked out like I did, had it not been for the fact the he had a very dangerous, potentially fatal disease that can be transferred to humans. How is it transferred? By urine of course.

What did I do? Naturally I washed my mouth out with the Vodka we keep on hand for the antifreeze pets.




You know cause it's alcohol and alcohol disinfects right?

Honest. That's what they told me to do.

Incidentally pets that have antifreeze poisoning get a vodka IV for like 2 days straight. Yep they are feeling pretty good.


Then there was the time, the dog I was restraining, decided he was through with the procedure even if we weren't, and tried to leave the table, just at the precise moment the doctor was about to stick a needle in him to get a sample, but ended up biopsying my hand instead.

But my favorite by far, was a little tiny 4 pound one of these,




that had me and the male doctor I was working with backed up against the wall of the exam room absolutely terrified, because he was very definitely trying to kill us. Even at the time I had to laugh at the absurdity of it.

Ah good times.. Come to think of it I quite miss working with the little buggers, even if they are trying to kill me.

Honestly, I'd take them over the crazies any day. That says a lot don't you think?

Getting your legs wet...

I've had a question rattling around in my head all week, and I need some answers. Naturally I thought of you, my faithful reader. Dare I say readers?

Perhaps you can help me figure out just what the heck was going on.

Here's what happened...

On Easter my husband and I went for a walk in the woods while we were waiting to go to my parents house for dinner.

Seeing as it was a hot day, we decided to go to another park, to get our legs wet in the creek.

The park of course was full of people having picnics and BBQing. We eventually found an empty area near the creek and proceeded to go in.

However, once we set foot in the water, we noticed something strange. Two thick white wires were attached to the shore. One tied to a tree and the other tied to some root. They were about 4 feet away from each other.

This was strange. It looked like some kind of booby trap to me. Like if we tripped the wires we would be gathered up in a net and hauled high into the trees for some cannibals to eat us for Easter dinner.

Since I didn't wish to become a main course, my thought was to leave it alone.

My husband however was more curious. He slowly lifted the first wire out of the water and stared at it in silent confusion.

Seeing as nothing major had happened to him, I decided to take a peek as well.

What I saw has left me scratching my head in wonderment.



Attached to the wire was one of these..



Not cooked, but RAW. WTF??

Looks like someone else was getting their leg wet.

The other wire held the same prize.

Well I guess if you're gonna get one leg wet, you might as well do the other.

Seriously though, why would someone do this?

Now as there were many picnics going on, I can only hope that the someone in question wasn't stupid enough to think that the cold creek water would be the perfect refrigeration system for their soon to be BBQ'd chicken.

If they were ... then well, that's just dumb with a capital D. The chicken may taste good going down, but man that Giardia they will surely contract later is bound to be a kick in the ass.



The only other plausible explanation would be that someone was fishing up the wrong river for Piranhas. However this being a California creek, and not the Amazon I kinda doubt it.




The thing is, I could sort of understand finding raw chicken floating down the creek after some child on a whim perhaps threw them in.

But these were intentionally tied to the bank so they wouldn't get lost. My only assumption is that someone was coming back later to claim them.

What the hell?

Anyone have any ideas??

I Believe I Can Fly ... Part 2

Okay so last I left off, I was having a heat stroke great time learning how to hang glide.

Finally after learning a few other maneuvers, we got to the point where we were allowed to fly. To do this, you push yourself and the glider up a hill. Which by the way is no easy feat, especially if you are out of shape like I was. Thankfully though, the beginner’s hill is only 40 feet high.

Now the idea is you get to the top, situate yourself, make sure you are hooked in properly, balance your glider and when the wind is right, you make a run for it.

As you are running, the wind will swoop up your glider and away you go for a lovely ride.

Theoretically. This is what’s supposed to happen.

My case was slightly different. For one, I had the hardest time steering. Believe it or not, you do need to steer. It’s not just a jump off the mountain and see where the glider goes kind of thing. You really have to pay attention to what’s going on. Something I’m not always very good at.

The other problem is that the glider itself is extremely heavy. You wouldn’t think so by looking at it, seeing as it’s mostly material, and few hollow metal tubes, but it weighs roughly the same as a pile of bricks.

Of course the glider I was flying that day was something called a Condor and is the biggest glider ever made. With its giant wingspan, this thing is easily as big as a single engine plane.

Keep in mind that I am not a big person. I’m only 5’3 and at that time I weighed 30 pounds lighter than I do now. In a sense I should be perfect flying material, being small.

Sadly this wasn’t the case.

At the top of the hill when you are getting ready to go, the last thing you do is make sure you are balanced. If you aren’t balanced right and you decided to take off anyway, it can lead to a disastrous flight. Trust me on this.

Due to my smallness, balancing isn’t easy for me. It’s an almighty struggle for me to stand on a windy hill and try to balance a small plane on my back. When the wind picks up, it’s even worse because then you are thrown all over the place, and the glider, sensing wind decides to lift up without you being ready and you have to struggle really hard to finagle it back down.

This can go on for quite some time. Because of my ineptitude at a swift takeoff, I have rightly earned the nickname “Launch Potato”

Anyhoo …

Back to steering. If you don’t steer right, you crash. And that’s precisely what I did, about 152 times.

Up til now, all I had been doing was running like a maniac, in the heat (cause I hadn’t mentioned that in awhile), with a ginormous kite attached to me, and about 100 yards in, my wing would tip and I would crash into the ground.

This would have been somewhat acceptable if I had been in the air instead of running on a flat surface. However I had not yet left the ground. Ever. We were in a field. With nothing around us. Cows were grazing happily half a mile away. There was one hill on the right, and one next to our starter hill. So it looked like this….


As you run down the hill, if you don’t catch air, you continue running through the field until you either collapse decide to stop, or crash.

For most people, steering a glider is really very simple. If the wing tips one way, you shift your weight in the opposite direction to balance yourself out. Easy.

Except for me. I had some kind of crazy mental block. I could not, for the life of me, remember in time which way I was supposed to lean. Either that or I didn’t realize I was tipping until it was too late. How this is even possible I don’t know.

Finally on the 154^th try I actually caught air. About an inch. And I didn’t crash. Hooray! I was exhilarated to say the least. I actually flew! Yippee!

On my last run of the day, things got interesting. There I was, all balanced and ready to go. I run down the hill, and like a leaf I am magically lifted into the air.

High into the air.

As a beginner, the instructor will run with you and kind of hold on to the wires of the glider to make sure you don’t go higher than you can handle. This is reassuring.

Except I must have caught a thermal, because all of a sudden I was soaring way above my instructor’s head.

Being deathly afraid of heights you would think that I would panic at this moment right?

But you would be wrong. Surprisingly I didn’t.

I was actually having a good time. It’s a wonderful feeling, flying through the air like a bird. And I was really enjoying myself. In fact I even looked down to see how high up I was.

This was my mistake.

Down on the ground I hear yelling, and see the instructor waving both his hands frantically at me.

I’m totally clueless as to why he’s panicking. I mean I’m the one who should be afraid right? What on earth is he all worked up for?

I can’t hear what he’s saying, so I just go about my merry way with my flight, still looking around and at the ground as I go.

A word of caution.

Looking down is not good if you don’t know how to steer. You are supposed to keep your eye on your target, so you don’t get unbalanced. For most people tipping a little to the left or right is no big deal, they make the appropriate adjustments and everything is fine. For me…not so much.

Yes folks by looking down I caused my wing to dip drastically to the right. Being unaware as usual, I had failed to make the necessary adjustments in time, and I started to head directly towards the ground at a rapid pace.

This caused my wing to hit the ground at high speeds thus causing the glider to go sailing smoothly across the ground for about 50 feet, hit the mountain on the right and tip over.

Upside down.

Yes there I was lying on top of my glider flailing around like an imbecile for all to see, unable to do a damn thing about it until the instructor came to rescue me.

And the instructor?

Was walking at a sedate pace towards the wreck. One would think that he would come running over (after calling 911 of course) after such a crash to see if I was badly injured, but no, he was strolling along and laughing.

Humph!

In the end I wasn’t hurt too bad. But those knee pads they make you put on and the jeans you have to wear for protection?

Totally useless. As I was skidding along the dirt on my knees, the knee pads completely turned themselves around thus protecting the underside of my leg, this resulted in my jeans being ripped open and my knees scrapped into bloody bits.

One good thing though my boyfriend never saw the crash. HA!

Luckily that was the last flight of the day.

We interupt this program

Oh my gosh! I found out some very shocking news today!

I realize this may be a bit late, seeing as I'm in California and everyone else is hours ahead (except Hawaii of course), but something happened today while I was eating lunch that I felt you should know about.

I hope it hasn't already happened, because of course I want to be the first to tell you!

If it has then I'm sorry, but I had to take a nap after work, and unfortunately I haven't quite figured out how to post breaking news while sleeping.

Anyhoo here we go:

The setting: Lunchtime at a random bagel shop near my work.



I was just waiting for my order to be ready when a fairly normal lady came rushing in to the bagel store.

She was very agitated and saying kept saying "OMYGOD!" "OMYGOD!" over and over again, while looking around in great panic.



Naturally I became alarmed.

What could possibly have happened to have her in such an frenzied state? Did she leave her wallet or keys behind? Perhaps her child?

Maybe she just eaten there and found out she had been poisoned!

Like any concerned citizen, instead of asking if she needed help, I chose to ignore her.

Bagel in hand I'm all ready to leave, but I really have to pee (I hate that!), so I quickly make my way over towards the bathroom.

That's when IT happened.

As the lady turned to make her way out of the store, she announced loudly to everyone that:

"Hillary Clinton is going to die today!!"



I know, I can't believe it either!!

Obviously I felt you should know.

Now that I have this information, what should I do with it? Should I tell someone? (Besides you good folks of course).

Unfortunately I don't know the proper etiquette on who to alert when one finds out that the former first lady, and the current presidential candidate is going to die.

I mean I'm sure the FBI or CIA would like this information right?

Then again, seeing as how this happened at lunch time, and I'm just getting around to posting about this now approximately 8 hours later; perhaps another, more civic minded patron of the bagel shop has been a better civilian then I, and already warned the appropriate people.

I hope so because I'm hungry now and I don't feel like waiting on the phone for an hour trying to get through the CIA's phone system.

Does this mean that I'm a bad person?


*Note: We will return to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow. Good nite everybody!*

I believe I can fly...part 1

When my husband and I were first dating, we did a lot of fun things.

Being outdoorsy folk, we spent most of our time,going on walks, hiking, riding our bikes, kayaking, river rafting, and taking motorcycle rides.

Ah those were the days. Good times.


As you can see we were up for doing most anything. Well anything that is, that didn't include heights.

You see I'm terribly afraid of heights. I'm talking vertigo, you can't pay me enough money to go on a ski lift afraid. And he knew this.

Therefore it was with great surprise when walking through the park one day he suggested we go hang gliding.

Question marks filled the thought bubble above my head followed by a rather large WTF!?



Ummmm... Did we just meet? Do you not remember that I hate, hate, HATE heights, and that's why when we went snowboarding over Christmas, I hauled myself and snowboard up the mountain on foot, just so I wouldn't have to take the effing lift again, cause when you actually talked me into trying it out just once, I almost passed out, got sick and threw up from fear, because the damn thing crawls along at a snails pace and kept stopping and leaving us dangling about 3 miles above ground....

Did I make my point?

No, I did not say all this to him, but I think my shocked expression conveyed the message pretty well.

I mean, why would anyone, afraid of heights or not, want to strap a giant kite to their back and go running off a mountain? This is not the 19th century anymore, we figured out how to fly. There is a wonderful invention for just that purpose called an airplane.


Despite the absurdity of the idea, we talked about this for quite awhile, and being the adventurous sort ... ahem read idiot, I decided to give it a try. The fact that we were still in that I need to impress you stage, may or may not have also been a factor.

Finally the big day came. We rolled up to the training site, which was nothing but dry dusty hills and a long field filled with cows, their natural excrement and tarantula's.

Did I mention that I don't like spiders either, especially the big hairy variety?
Oh yeah and that it was exactly 106 degrees outside?

And that we were a mile in from the road in a big dusty field, and there wasn't anything remotely wet around for miles in which, if need be, you could dunk yourself in and cool off?

No? Well that's exactly what it was like.

By the time we put our death traps, I mean hang gliders together and fitted ourselves with the height of fashion in hang gliding gear: harnesses, helmets, knee pads, and gators (to keep the weeds out of your socks and shoes), I was starting to get pretty warm.

Also for safety reasons, which I later found out wouldn't mean a damn thing, I was told to wear jeans or some other pant that would help protect your legs from the odd scrape should you happen to have a slight accident.

Jeans. In a 106 degrees. I don't know about you, but in that weather I'm usually floating around in a body of water somewhere, not wandering about in one of the hottest pants ever made.

But I digress..

One thing I found out right away about hang gliding, is that they don't let you just jump off a mountain and hope for the best. Which is good. However, this meant a lot of standing around in the heat being shown what to do. Which again is good. I'm all for hands on, but let's pick up the pace a little shall we?

Anyway our first task was running. Like a cheetah. Yep, we spent quite some time, learning that particular technique, each of us morons, having to show the instructor our own version of cheetah running one by one.

Meanwhile I'm melting. Because while I understand the need for safety with all the gear you have to wear, there is no denying that wearing said gear in 106 (let's milk it shall we) degree weather, is fantastically hot.

By this time, my clothes were a second skin. Make that a second wet, sticky skin. The helmet and harness, were starting to collect pools of sweat underneath them. Making it extremely uncomfortable and icky to walk around in.

So I did the only thing I could do. I started pouring the water from my water bottle (which I should have been drinking!) straight down my shirt. I didn't care if it dribbled down the front of my pants also, making it look like I peed myself, I just wanted to cool off damnit!

I was well past trying to impress my man at this stage. Besides you can only look so good in a helmet and harness, dripping with sweat. Although for some people I could see where this might be a turn on...

Anyhoo, my man as it turns out, was having a jolly time on the other hill, flying away. Why? Because he already had taken the class and knew how to fly. Plus he had his own glider. Hmmm...Perhaps I should have just hitched a ride with him?

I also want to say, that later I found out the classes are supposed to be canceled when the weather reaches a certain temperature. Duh! Heat stroke anyone?

Why ours wasn't I don't know. And just so you don't think I'm being a wuss, and can't stand a little heat, which is true I can't, but the class? Was 6 hours long!

Whew! Is it hot in here? I think I'll will leave you at this junction in the story, as all this talk about heat has made me want to go jump in the pool.

But tune in next time for part II.

I promise I will get to the good part about me flying and maybe, possibly landing upside down...

Fire safety 101

I love living in the mountains especially my neighborhood! Not only is it beautiful we have some of the smartest people living here!




For instance as mountain folks we are all very wise when it comes to dealing with fire. Because we live in an especially fire hazardous area, one needs to take special precautions.



Therefore burning trash heaps in windy weather like today would be a no-no.

So it was with some concern when I noticed smoke and ash billowing into my yard and house this afternoon. Especially when I noticed that said smoke was coming from the house directly behind us!

Naturally I assumed their house was burning down, due to some unfortunate kitchen conflagration, or something similar in nature.

When I heard the fireman shout "Fire!" and Bad!" I knew things were serious.


OH! Those poor people I thought! How horrible to have your house burn down. I hope everyone is OK.


I decided to walk up the hill and see how things were going. I only made it halfway.

Their house wasn't on fire after all.

No. It was their yard. Why?

Because they burned their F&^%$#@ trash on a windy day!

I mean, I know it couldn't possibly be their fault, because as smart fire cautious people, they would know better than do something as stupid as that.



No, there is only one plausible explanation...

Obviously their trash spontaneously Combusted!! Imagine our poor neighbors being afflicted with this strange phenomenon for the 3rd time since we moved here. How unlucky!

I love my neighborhood!

Weirdness in the driver seat

So while at work the other day, I was busy surfing.. I mean working, when I found a forum about the strangest things people have seen while driving. The usuals were there, talking on cell phones, putting on makeup etc. Reading was another biggie. (wtf?) how do you read and drive? Outrageous.

Anyway reading the comments of course brought back a couple memories of my own.

Here are some of the weird things I've seen other people do while driving around..

1. Someone eating a steak. Which isn't too terribly weird I suppose if they were eating it with their hands and gnawing at it like a caveman. You know, because they were in a hurry and steak was handier at the time than a burger.

But no this person, actually had it on a plate, driving with their knees (I assume) and cutting it up with these,



Etiquette should never be ignored folks.

2. I once saw the Too Wong Foo car driving down Melrose Ave. in Hollywood, totally decked out and complete with three men in drag hooten, hollering, and dancing.


Too funny. I wish I could've gotten a picture.

3. Last but not least, my very favorite. A person driving with an IV bag hanging from the rear view mirror. I kid you not. I'm not sure if it was actually attached to the driver but I assume it was, because why else would it be hanging there? Perhaps some sort of medicinal beverage?




Does this mean fuzzy dice are out of fashion now? Damn!

What about you guys? What are some of the weird things you have witnessed people doing while driving?

Watch out for the squirrels..

Today I found a great website called Not Always Right. It's basically stories from various employees who have had a run in with the crazies.

As someone who has worked with clients for a very long time I totally appreciated this site. In some cases as we all know customers/clients can, and often do = stupid.

Whether or not this is sheer dumbness (in which case I suspect it's just a matter of time before social Darwinism catches up to them), or just a brain fart at that particular moment, we will never know, but it sure makes for some good reading. Because you know, stupidity can be hilarious at times.

Anyhoo, this got me to thinking about all the client interactions I have had over the years, and though I've encountered many folks of the lower IQ persuasion, there is one story in particular that stands out. Not because it was particularly stupid, although I guess that depends on how you look at it, but because of the sheer absurdity not to mention paranoia of this person.

I must also mention that I work at an animal hospital and as a technician I often have the job of answering client questions on the phone.

It goes like this:

Me: Thank you for calling _____________ this is Michele speaking, how can I help you?

Client: Um... Yeah... I was walking my dog in the park and I looked up at a tree, and a squirrel dropped an acorn in my eye.

Me: Uh huh...(Waiting for him to get to the part that relates to his dog)

Client: Well am I going to get rabies?

Me: (totally flabbergasted) Huh? Rabies? How so?

Client: Well, the squirrel dropped it into my eye. Will I get rabies?

Me: You want to know if you will get rabies from an acorn?

Client: The squirrel had it in his mouth, don't they carry rabies?

Me: I suppose they can, but it would be pretty unlikely especially in our area. We don't see rabies cases anymore, except maybe in bats.

Client: I was just wondering because if he had rabies, and he had the acorn in his mouth, before he dropped in on my eye, then I could get it too right?

Me: Let me ask you a question.

Client: Ok

(At this point I'm really trying hard not to laugh, and stay serious, especially since my co-workers around me have since stopped working and have been listening to the conversation with rapt interest).

Me: Sir, when the acorn hit you, were your eyes open?

Client? Ummm...I think so.

Me: Think about it, If something is falling at your face towards your eye, wouldn't you close your eyes as a natural instinct?

Client: Thoughtful silence.

At this point the call pretty much ended, with him, hopefully happy in the knowledge that he would indeed be rabies free.

I actually felt sort of sorry for him. You could tell he was really worried, and if I think about it real hard, I have to admit, I can sort of, kinda, see where his logic was coming from.

To date at least as far as I can remember, this has to be the most absurd question I have ever received. There are more absurd ones, asked to other employees, but that might be a topic for another post...

In the meantime watch out for these guys ,



And whatever you do, don't look up into trees with your eyes open..

Only slightly Looney now..

Yay me! I'm finally done! It only took a day and a half, but I'm finished. For now anyway. There are still some things to fix, but right now I don't care.

This whole personalizing my blog thing was a huge pain the ass, frustrating, screaming, kicking, fighting, crying.. experience. Ok. Not quite that bad, but close.

Since my changes aren't anything fancy, I wish I could say that it was easy. But it wasn't.

It should have been though. At least according to the directions I was following on how to change your background. Holy cow. No matter what I did, and I did it per the directions several times, it would not come out! I tweaked and tweaked and nothing.



The same old Blogger template sat staring back at me. Finally I got my background to appear but behind the template so you could hardly see it except about a millimeter on each side. WTF? It just didn't make sense.



It was about this time that I started entertaining the idea of throwing my laptop across the room. A thought that crossed my mind, more than half heartedly on several occasions because my new one is being shipped as we speak. HA!

So, after about 8645 attempts and tweaks I finally got blogger template to disappear, but the background?

Was white. Argh!


Still, at least It wasn't rose anymore.

Needless to say this was really getting on my nerves. If I was a drinker still, I would have looked like this I'm sure,


Even without the alcohol, I still felt like that.

I should probably point out that this project did nothing to help relations between my husband and I either. Things came to a head this morning when I asked one question too many about Photoshop.
Seriously, after the evil look he gave me, I decided to keep to myself after that. Sadly I don't think the silent treatment I issued after this incident, had any effect on him.

Prior to this we had been bickering like children. There is something about trying to learn Photoshop and html, that brought out the frustruation in both of us to WW III levels.

It was like the blind leading the blind, although in his case he should have been less blind, seeing as he has experience with programming and junk. But never mind.

After about 385 more attempts I was finally ready to stop using the practice blog and try it out on the real deal. I was so nervous, I might as well have been at the doctor. All those hours of hard work boiled down to this one crucial moment. If it didn't work I was really going to throw my computer.

Let's say a little prayer shall we..



OMG! Hallelujah! I couldn't believe it. It worked! I was so happy I broke my self imposed silent treatment towards my husband and rushed out to show him.



Victory is mine!!

And the funny thing is, it was me, the one who knew absolutely nothing about html or editing it, who finally figured the whole mess out. Ha!

I think I deserve snaps for that don't you?

Under Construction

As you can see I'm trying to update the look of this blog, however I'm having some trouble. I just can't get the darn dimensions right. I have been fooling with this crap for the last 4 hours and I'm too tired to do more.

So please bear with me if this blog is sloppy looking, I promise I will get it fixed soon. Although It might not be until Saturday.

That's all and good night.

I'm a looser baby...

I've been terribly remiss with my blogging duties lately, and let me tell you why.

Instead of spending my time creating witty and amusing blogs of my own, I've been spending all my time here. If you have never been there, I ask you to please take a moment and check it out. Trust me you won't be sorry. Pay particular attention to the posts under the favorites section, especially, but certainly not limited to the J.C. Penny's blog.

Johnny Virgil's blog 15 Minute Lunch has been a permanant fixture on my computer screen this past week. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the blog was forever burned into my monitor, not unlike what happened with my t.v. and a certain I Love Lucy DVD.

Lest you think I'm making this up, I can honestly assure you that I have spent 90% of my waking hours today, just reading the archives. The rest of the week was pretty much the same in between that pesky little thing called work.

I had to stop reading the blogs at work though, because my constant hysterical laughing out loud to myself was getting a little suspicious not to mention embarrassing.

Now the question is, does this make me a pathetic looser? On the one hand I'm a serious fan and enjoy good reading material anywhere I can get it. On the other, what does it say about me if I have the time to squander my whole day reading blogs?

Seriously though, check it out cause it will make you laugh.

A word of caution and I may or may not be speaking from experience, you might want to refrain from eating and/or drinking while reading his posts as some/all of what you just consumed may come flying out in a spontaneous burst of laughter. Either that or you'll choke. Either way not a good thing.

On another note...

My T.V. is still busted.

Although you may be happy to know, I certainly was anyway, that it wasn't my fault after all. It was these guys...



I know this because I heard singing the other night, while outside collecting the cats, and upon further inspection saw 3 furry bodies fleeing the scene via the electrical wire, although they may have just been scared off by the crazy guy yelling for Alvin at the top of his lungs.

For whatever reason the little buggers have taken to chewing on our electrical wires, which had been causing some weird power surges throughout the house.

What I want to know is what makes them decide that electrical wires make for good eating?

At first we thought it was my husbands fault after he wired up the generator to the house. I'm no electrician (and neither is he) but this involved turning off the power and running around the house trying to figure out which rooms were on what circuit so he could wire the generator to them. Or something like that. Whatever he did involved messing with the electricity and shortly after the power surges started.

After some research he figured out that most likely he didn't F things up and called the electric company.

At this point I have to say I was seriously impressed. They had a man at our house in less than 2 hours and the problem fixed 30 minutes after that. Not to shabby.

So while it wasn't my fault after all, it still sucks with a capitol S. For one, my husband is not a big fan of television, and is actually, although bummed about the cost of fixing the t.v, also secretly pleased that I am no longer able to annoy/distract him by watching inane reruns of _______ . (Well I can't actually say, because frankly I'm too embarrassed. Just fill in your show of choice). Therefore I have a sneaking suspicion that he is in no hurry to fix it.

On the plus side it has given me more time to read Johnny Virgil's blog and if I feel like it maybe some light housework.

However, around 11:00 pm or so, I can't take the withdrawals any longer, and end up hiding out in the bedroom watching DVD's on my computer.

Don't tell my husband though, he thinks I'm doing something constructive.

Bad mood rising

Well I don't know what happened to me today. I woke up in a good mood. Sort of. Well pretty much..

Feeling kinda restless, I decided to practice my Suzy Homemaker skills and make bread. Which came out all right.



Except that I had set the bread machine on 2 lb loaf and apparently it doesn't really have the capacity to make 2 lb bread. As was evident by the mound of gooey dough that is the top of the loaf.


In another stroke of genius, I decided to make dough for Mexican cinnamon rolls. I was very excited about these, as they sounded like the perfect dessert for tonight.

Since I was so excited, I immediately put the dough ingredients into the bread machine, and set my settings.

Nothing happened except a lot of squawking from the machine, which was furiously flashing some strange code.

Took out manual and proceeded to check contents for what code meant. Code not explained in the manual. Terrific.

Honestly, why do they have these codes if the book isn't going to tell you what they mean? Why I ask you? It makes no sense.

Then a thought occurred to me. Maybe, in my haste to make the rolls, it might not have been a good idea to dump the ingredients into a piping hot bread machine

So I put the contents into the fridge to let everything cool down.

Once things cooled off, I tried the process again and what do you know it worked.

With only an hour left to go on the dough cycle, I decided to lay down to rest.



Big mistake. No sooner had I fallen asleep, then the beeper went off indicating my dough was done. Ugh.

I took out my dough and noticed it didn't look right. Since I never made this recipe before I didn't think to much of it, until I tried to roll it out. Into a rectangle no less.



First of all how the hell do you roll a ball into a rectangle? Not gonna happen. Besides that though, the dough was dry and clumpy and sticking out in weird shapes along the edges.




I rolled. Nothing happened. Rolled some more. Nothing happens. Tried again and the damn dough stayed in the same shape. Tried bunching it up in a ball again to hopefully roll out flatter. (It made sense at the time). Still nothing.

Threw dough into trash and started again.

Dough is cooking ready for round two in an hour. Think I'll go watch some television.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!



WTF! The t.v. doesn't work. Apparently I fried it, by watching it too much. Holy cow!

What am I going to do with my time? This can not be happening. That is the only t.v. we own. How am I going to get my daily doses of T.V. Land?



To make matters worse it was my husbands very expensive flat screen t.v., and he's been in a bad mood all day, I don't think he's pleased with me at the moment.



I think I better go hide for a few days...